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DopelessHopeFiend1	Loved Ones	Lead	[-]
Posts: 1 (07/18/08 09:19:44) More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I have been reading here for quite some time and have noticed a pattern that for some reason get's no attention here. I see many loved ones who post here as being very angry with their addict, but very seldom is it acknowledged. This is denial and it is not healthy. Anger, resentment, even hostility, are understandable, valid and even justified in some instances for sure. Just pretending/denying that those feeling don't exist is not healthy for you and can make it impossible for you to truly support an addict during their treatment in a positive and reinforcing way! I ask you "loved ones", what are you doing about it? This board should be for addicts and their issues, not a place for Loved Ones to "just vent" about what a pain in the rear their addicts are or have been!
nineyearsclean	huh???	#1	[-]
Posts: 7895 (07/18/08 09:24:32) Best Friend to KCI More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	"This board should be for addicts and their issues, not a place for Loved Ones to "just vent" about what a pain in the rear their addicts are or have been!" I couldn't disagree with you more. Loved ones who get sucked into the meth world by the addicts in their lives are just as troubled and in need of support and understanding as are addicts. I believe I speak for the majority here when I say that this forum is for loved ones and addicts alike. We need each other.
logolove		#2	[-]
Posts: 411 (07/18/08 09:27:23) More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Dopelesshopefiend-from that name sounds like you must be a loved one? But from what you wrote I doubt it. Maybe you aren't clear that this board is for both meth addicts and loved ones of meth addicts and many of both have issues with self medicating whether it is via a chemical or a relationship. That issue has been discussed before or maybe you didn't read those threads. And the responses from addicts help the loved ones heal and the information from the loved ones helps the recovered addicts be able to see the collateral damage they cause to those they too love and can help motivate them to make better choices. While at time volatile and painful to read here - it is extraordinarily helpful to many, but maybe not for you. If it bothers you tremendously - don't read threads by loved ones. JMHO. PS - Thanks 9er!!!
namakimi		#3	[-]
Posts: 103 (07/18/08 09:27:24) More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	HUH??? Where are you coming from???
DopelessHopeFiend1		#4	[-]
Posts: 2 (07/18/08 09:27:50) More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	A good example might be to ask yourself why is it that AA and Alanon don't hold their meetings in the same room at the same time then?
nineyearsclean		#5	[-]
Posts: 7896 (07/18/08 09:28:59) Best Friend to KCI More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I don't know and I don't care. This is not AA or Alanon.
logolove		#6	[-]
Posts: 412 (07/18/08 09:30:45) More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	And have you not noticed that many recovery programs have family meetings - meetinsg for addicts and families to heal together - because addiction is often a family disease....? Eeek - vampire alert - grab your garlic folks.
nineyearsclean	And another thing................	#7	[-]
Posts: 7897 (07/18/08 09:32:22) Best Friend to KCI More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	The fact and loved ones and addicts can communicate their perspectives on the meth epidemic with each other only serves to promote a deeper understanding of how meth addiction affects everyone. I think many an addict here has learned from the loved ones here that we aren't just hurting ourselves by our addiction. I know I have. I have learned a tremendous amount from the loved ones who have come here to tell us their side of the story. That's a good thing.
smilewasmask		#8	[-]
Posts: 2228 (07/18/08 09:32:28) Forum Friend More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	..........is trying to remember.....haven't i read this name before?................
DopelessHopeFiend1		#9	[-]
Posts: 3 (07/18/08 09:36:10) More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Funny how my main point is disregarded, so here it is again: "Anger, resentment, even hostility, are understandable, valid and even justified in some instances for sure. Just pretending/denying that those feeling don't exist is not healthy for you and can make it impossible for you to truly support an addict during their treatment in a positive and reinforcing way!" So the question, based on my statement above, might be that here at KCI, a healthy, supportive enviroment for an addict comes at the cost of the Loved One's who also have a right to participate? So the fact that they should maybe pursue their recovery in a more focused, non-conflicting enviroment that may very well benefit themselves and their addicts should be disregarded?
logolove		#10	[-]
Posts: 413 (07/18/08 09:40:07) More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Maybe KCI should not be one's only form of recovery - again it is for both addicts and loved ones. If that does not suit you go elsewhere. Sites specifically for addicts exist as do programs and even those are generally open door to anyone claiming to have a problem with X....so as a loved one - there is then also the problem of X....
DopelessHopeFiend1		#11	[-]
Posts: 4 (07/18/08 09:43:41) More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Behaviors of Denial; 1. Scapegoating 2. Rationalizing 3. Minimizing 4. Prevaricating 5. Projecting
Hurting for YOU		#12	[-]
Posts: 712 (07/18/08 09:44:47) More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	DopelessHopeFiend1 wrote: Just pretending/denying that those feeling don't exist is not healthy for you and can make it impossible for you to truly support an addict during their treatment in a positive and reinforcing way!" I couldn't agree more. Education and support are "key" in order to help an addict from a loved one's stand point. So the question, based on my statement above, might be that here at KCI, a healthy, supportive enviroment for an addict comes at the cost of the Loved One's who also have a right to participate? The way I look at it...........this is an ANTI-meth site...............addicts and loved one's share this one thing for sure. This is an open board and sometimes someone says something that comes off harsh or wrong to another one. This happens with addicts and loved ones alike.................it can be looked at as a healing process. So the fact that they should maybe pursue their recovery in a more focused, non-conflicting enviroment that may very well benefit themselves and their addicts should be disregarded? I can only speak for myself............because of this board and all the loving understanding members of this board..........I am for the most part "free" of the burden that I had place on myself because of an addict. People here support others here...........it helps to know both sides of the coin.
DopelessHopeFiend1		#13	[-]
Posts: 5 (07/18/08 09:45:21) More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	And thank you Miss " Log 'O" Love for inviting me to leave, twice now. Why are you so threatened by my ideas?
1Headlight		#14	[-]
Posts: 67 (07/18/08 09:47:19) More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I see many loved ones who post here as being very angry with their addict, but very seldom is it acknowledged. DopelessHopeFiend1, Would it be possible for you to clarify that statement? (acknowledged by whom and in what way?) I ask you "loved ones", what are you doing about it? If, by "it", you mean dealing with my anger, resentment, even hostility so that I can support my addict son in recovery..... then, for me, the answer is that I began my own recovery and THAT began by talking (openly & honestly) to addicts, both active and in recovery. Because of working on MY recovery, I can honestly say that I no longer have any anger, resentment and hostility toward my son or ANY addict for that matter.
keepitsimpleforme		#15	[-]
Posts: 421 (07/18/08 09:49:34) More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I've never read any posts on here where a loved one was "denying their anger/resentment". I know "I" surely have never held back in my posts (I am a loved one). In fact -- in all honesty -- the loved ones on this board usually let loose pretty good about their feelings/emotions towards the addict(s) in their lives. And, imho, the recovering addicts here have been VERY understanding and sympathetic too. Not to mention offering GREAT advice on how to deal with it. When in all reality they could've gotten defensive about it. What am "I" doing about all my "stuff"? Going to church regularly, praying constantly, I attend a ministry meeting every Friday night for recovering addicts and their loved ones and I post/read on this board. Progress not perfection. Susan Last Edited By: keepitsimpleforme 07/18/08 09:54:15. Edited 1 times.
DopelessHopeFiend1		#16	[-]
Posts: 6 (07/18/08 09:58:14) More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	"Because of working on MY recovery, I can honestly say that I no longer have any anger, resentment and hostility toward my son or ANY addict for that matter." Most excellent! When addicts and loved one's share the same goal, recovering by focusing on one's self and not SOMEONE else, we all win and can live in harmony.
Jennifersmom		#17	[-]
Posts: 4 (07/18/08 10:01:03) More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	omg, I am a mother of an addict and if it had't been for this site I would never have know what an addict is experiencing. Now I can see both sides of our agony. You want hurt, anger? Yes, we have felt those but they are fleeting, and last for a short time because love is stronger and healing and that is what this site is about. Don't hate the addict, hate the drug!
starfishlover123		#18	[-]
Posts: 1255 (07/18/08 10:01:23) More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Hmmmm, I am seeing a lot more love and compassion being exchanged here between addicts and loved ones, which has helped so many heal, than any belly-aching about what a "pain in the arse" the addicts have been to loved ones. People, (on both sides,) pour our their pain here, and people, (on both sides,) jump in to give support, advice and the benefit of their experience. Bottom line, we just don't allow anyone to pit loved ones against addicts here - there is nothing useful about that whatsover. If one is seeking a site where only addicts post, there are plenty of those to be found. That is not the nature and spirit of this board. Of course you are welcome here, but perhaps it would be a good idea for you to understand what KCI is all about before you begin attacking anyone for having natural and normal responses to the hell and heartache that is caused by watching those we love and adore self-destruct. Good luck to you, my friend. . . Pssst: Let's not "feed the troll." Last Edited By: starfishlover123 07/18/08 10:07:09. Edited 1 times.
logolove		#19	[-]
Posts: 414 (07/18/08 10:02:23) More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I know who you are ... and I haven't invited you to leave - I have suggested if you are distressed by something you do the healthy and un-codependent thing and move on from it. It seems to me your approach here is the very thing you complain about - you deny it is a board as Hurting For You pointed out that is anti-meth. Therefore all that are in some way anti-meth are welcome here in whatever form they choose to participate. You seek to control the responses of others which is something beyond your control. You seek to change others behaviour. Good luck to you. If you figure out how to do that let the rest of us co-deps know since we would love to be able to do that ourselves. By the way - as you know - it's Logo - Love. I'm a female so if it were about that I'd have it be Love O Log and if I was a guy then yes it might be Log O Love... You have a great sense of humor - you should use it more often.
DopelessHopeFiend1		#20	[-]
Posts: 7 (07/18/08 10:10:31) More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Miz KeepItSimpleForMe, You project your anger towards your Addict, that is a behavior of Denial! You "project" by confrontation. Does confrontation help resolve denial? How do you respond to confrontation? Confrontation: I tell you what you are doing wrong Boundry: I tell you what I am observing and how I am feeling Confrontation: I tell you what you have to do Boundry: I make a request of you Confrontation: I tell you how you will be punished if you don't do what I want Boundry: I tell you what I am going to do to maintain my boundaries Does it make sense?

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