Response to phone call from my son--

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GOLDILOCKS		#21	[-]
Posts: 35 (07/16/08 17:21:56) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I think that's one of the hardest parts for me is knowing that I delayed the process for way too long! I am an ex-enabler and now the challenge is keeping his sister from delaying the process any longer by enabling him. He is very convincing and manipulative! His lies are almost believable and he has a pretty convincing excuse for everything and everyone! Guess he really fits the mold, huh? He is telling her he is trying hard and he's gained weight ,so he can't possibly be on drugs ,plus where would he get money for them??? He tells her he is broke and destitute--has no place to go and no friends. We'll see how long all this lasts--I give it about one week at the most if he is true to his past patterns.
arnie12		#22	[-]
Posts: 9 (07/16/08 18:50:29) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	all his anger things he does says starts from childhood.He has deep deep pain inside.HE needs to heal.What happened to him when he was young.Meth drugs etc are his way of relief feeling good?To forget.He works the system thats what hes got his people are proud of him for that it makes him feel wanted and loved drugs might do the same.He feels like a king and drugs are his god.He needs to completely change his life his friend.He needs to love hinself.To feel peace then he will get his spirit and soul back.He needs to let go of his past.He needs to choose.HE NEEDS TO DECIDE FOR HIMSELF?not pushed.
arnie12		#23	[-]
Posts: 10 (07/16/08 18:53:31) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	i need sentences lol hope you can read lmao sorry
GOLDILOCKS		#24	[-]
Posts: 37 (07/17/08 06:45:38) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Arnie-- I can read your post just fine--- Wish I knew what it is that in his past that has happened to leave him like this? He is from a divorced home--dad was speed freak and left him when my son was 3 and his sister was 5.. His sister used coke and is now married with 3 kids and drug free for 12 yrs. She has a good life and marriage. I worked and was single till the kids were 11 and 13. I remarried a wonderful man. We are both professionals. We sent him to military academy after he failed in public and private schools(got in trouble--grades were average). He did really well in military academy--honor student etc.-- then shut down and refused to go to class. Psychologist at school said to come and get him --so we did. Brought him home and sent him to private counselor but he wouldn't talk. Then sent him to Outward Bound as part of court agreement when he got arrested for stealing car wheels. He refused to sign parental contract after completing the 2 week course. Brought him back home with us and he stole electronics, etc, from us and said it was his friends. We got him a place of his own(he was 18) and he trashed it. We enabled him for years with more apartments, cars, bail outs of jail, etc.etc. etc. He went to prison twice for theft and drugs(served 3 yrs. last time in Washington State). He has been in and out of jail most of his life and lost his drivers license forever(owes $10,000and has a 5 page record of DVM offenses). As far as I know he has been on pot, then coke, and then meth since he was 20. Maybe earlier?? He always denies drug use now that we are ex-enablers and goes from girl to girl using and stealing from them as well. He does tattoos to get money. He has MRSA as well. I always tell him I love him but I will no longer give him money or help him unless he goes to rehab. He tells me I am a f--kin +$$*# and hangs up. Sorry this post is so long, but what's a mom to do????? My pain is as real as his and if I could have had more insight into what his "deep pain" is then maybe we could have had a solution earlier! Goldilocks
motherglory		#25	[-]
Posts: 321 (07/17/08 07:14:56) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I am sorry , but I no longer fall for the deep pain bullshit. So thier in pain, so they give the family a life of hell on earth for them being born. Just another way of blaming anyone but themselves. I had a lot of pain from life not being what I wanted, but I didn't turn to drugs or try to kill my parents. Hell most of us have deep seated pain. It is how you choose to deal with it. The biggest pain was when my son we crazy. Goldie, you son sounds so much like mine. My frist husband left us when my son and daughter were very little. But we were the better for it. I was a nurse and I made a good living. We lived with my parents in a large house. They were loved and had most every advantage. My daughter was the younger by two years, she never got on drugs. You can hardly get her to take a tylenol now. I remarried when they were 13 and 11 to. He is a good man and has been good to them and is a good grandfather to my grandkids. I used to serch my mind for what happen to my son. He chose to be a drug addict and a ass. He is off drugs now, but I dont know if he will go right back to it as soon as he gets a chance. He says he isnt , but how can I trust him after this lifetime of hell and wasted money. gloria
GOLDILOCKS		#26	[-]
Posts: 38 (07/17/08 16:34:49) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Gloria-- I think trust is something that is earned over time and that's what it will take. When you have been on so many emotional roller coasters with these kids, it is hard to regain trust in them. I feel the same way! I so want him to turn his life around and get clean. But ,I am really in the early stages of any hope for recovery, as he still hasn't admitted he has a drug problem. At least your son is in rehab. and with prayer and God this just might be the right time and the last time. Wasted money---ha,ha I could buy a house with the money we have spent on our son! lol ((((hugs))))) Goldi p.s. did you get my p.m.?
starfishlover123		#27	[-]
Posts: 1253 (07/17/08 20:49:04) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Goldie, "Wish I knew what it is that in his past that has happened to leave him like this? He is from a divorced home--dad was speed freak and left him when my son was 3 and his sister was 5.. " BINGO. We think they are too young to remember, but they suck in everything. Dads also get off the hook too often since it is the mom who carries the babies, but I do believe that a using father can have "dirty" sperm. JMHO.
mlg		#28	[-]
Posts: 600 (07/18/08 05:00:20) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I've heard stories of kids who grew up in crack houses, and decided to move on, choosing differently, getting educations, and having a life with a career. Everyone can get on a pity party no matter what their past. You have shown a LOT of strength, and remember, "Nothin changes if nothing changes." You have changed in that you have finally stopped the enabling. Our daughter had to hear us say many times, that we would no longer support her lifestyle. That we would be there if and when she chose to change her lifestyle and get into a recovery program. We planted the seeds of CHANGE in her brain, it took a while to sink in, but it finally did. Keep doing what you're doing. mlg
GOLDILOCKS		#29	[-]
Posts: 41 (07/18/08 05:03:00) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	mlg-- I know everyone is different but out of curiosity how long did it take for her to go to recovery? Goldi
motherglory		#30	[-]
Posts: 322 (07/18/08 05:41:54) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Hey Goldie, Yes dear, I got your PM. I am happy that Lee went to rehab. He is different. He says now , he is going to stay there 6 more months, a halfway program, they have. But I don't think he will stay. He will either come home, soon as he has the money or he will move out of the center. He graduates in about 3 weeks. I would like to be there and see him finish something. But part of me , tells me its best to leave him on his own for awhile. If I go,(500 mile trip) he most likely would come home. And I really dont think its whats best for him. His ex wife just lives a couple miles from here. She is married again and has 2 more children. I know that would bother him a lot. And most his friends are still around here. They stay away from me. They know how I feel about them. I guess if I have damaged my son in anyway, its been being there to much. Its time he make it on his own. He probably will hate me either way. I can't really afford to make the trip to florida right now anyhow. And my car needs new brakes. I know he will have a home there as long as he will stay. I wish he would stay the 6 months but I just don't see him doing it. Something good did happen here recently. Theres this big wooded area accross the street from me. It goes miles and miles. Last month they bushed hogged most it down and auctioned off the land. Thats where most the meth labs in the area were. You could see the smoke from their camps in the hottest part of summer or coldest part of winter. But they will just go somewhere else. God bless you all gloria
Loraura		#31	[-]
Posts: 7329 (07/18/08 08:31:13) Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I had a lot of pain from life not being what I wanted, but I didn't turn to drugs Food/sugar are drugs, too. The physical and mental side effects of addiction are different, but I believe food, especially sugar and flour, are commonly abused DRUGS. They are mood and mind altering. When I continued putting something in my body that I knew was causing harm, but felt compelled to continue anyway, I was in active addiction.
1Headlight		#32	[-]
Posts: 66 (07/18/08 08:37:53) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Our daughter had to hear us say many times, that we would no longer support her lifestyle. That we would be there if and when she chose to change her lifestyle and get into a recovery program. We planted the seeds of CHANGE in her brain, it took a while to sink in, but it finally did. mlg, your words are the same that we told our son ......and with OUR change, came HIS change. After 12 years of using (rehabs, jail, etc), he did change. He found a program and works it every day......
GOLDILOCKS		#33	[-]
Posts: 45 (07/18/08 11:32:32) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	1Headlight-- What program is he using?
1Headlight		#34	[-]
Posts: 69 (07/18/08 13:08:08) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	NA he is clean and sober since December 29, 2005
GOLDILOCKS		#35	[-]
Posts: 46 (07/18/08 18:26:31) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	1Headlight-- I am so glad for you and your son! Praise God--I know He will continue to work in your son's life! Your perserverance will pay off for you and your son--- Goldi

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