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For those of you who don't know, I have four boys who were part of my disease. I dragged them through all my selfishness and mental breakdown after years
of Methamphetamine abuse. In April of this year, the 9th to be exact
I
finally was able to be reunited with them after two very long years of separation due to my divorce from their father and my use of drugs until April 27, 2007.
At first, the joy of seeing them and then reality set in...How was I, a person so selfish for most of my life going to be able to balance my six children in my home, my recovery and their insecure attitude towards me...They have only known me high or coming down. At first their behavior was challenging for me, because they were used to me giving them anything as a reward for doing what I wanted...monetary value, not love or attention.
I had to make time for them, communicate with them, invite them to my meetings to understand why their mother was...WHO SHE USE TO BE, not who she was now. I apologized one time to each one individually.
The next thing I provided was stability. They had a routine that was and still is the same each day. Slowly they began to see I was truly a different mother.
In the beginning of June my Twelve year old, who has seen me do dope, been through drug bust, been around needles, seen me up paranoid and climbing in bed with them...completely insane, I dosed my children with cough medicine...so forth...He came at me...pushing me back, screaming at me about his hate for me...he was shaking...crying uncontrollably...all this a direct result of me.
At first my old behavior came back...but with my sobriety has come more patience. I don't act on impulse like I use to.
I am getting him counseling he starts in July. I went to parent orientation. I am becoming a responsible parent...trying to stop this cycle from continuing on.
For those of you still using around your children.PLEASE STOP, PLEASE...and you may think by hiding in the bathroom, out in a shed or at someones home...you eventually come home and they know. Children are highly intuitive. They can see it.
I am a miracle...but you know what...My children are the biggest miracles in my life. I am now just able to see it. They are a joy and not a burden to me anymore...I am truly blessed to have them back in my life.
I
finally was able to be reunited with them after two very long years of separation due to my divorce from their father and my use of drugs until April 27, 2007.
At first, the joy of seeing them and then reality set in...How was I, a person so selfish for most of my life going to be able to balance my six children in my home, my recovery and their insecure attitude towards me...They have only known me high or coming down. At first their behavior was challenging for me, because they were used to me giving them anything as a reward for doing what I wanted...monetary value, not love or attention.
I had to make time for them, communicate with them, invite them to my meetings to understand why their mother was...WHO SHE USE TO BE, not who she was now. I apologized one time to each one individually.
The next thing I provided was stability. They had a routine that was and still is the same each day. Slowly they began to see I was truly a different mother.
In the beginning of June my Twelve year old, who has seen me do dope, been through drug bust, been around needles, seen me up paranoid and climbing in bed with them...completely insane, I dosed my children with cough medicine...so forth...He came at me...pushing me back, screaming at me about his hate for me...he was shaking...crying uncontrollably...all this a direct result of me.
At first my old behavior came back...but with my sobriety has come more patience. I don't act on impulse like I use to.
I am getting him counseling he starts in July. I went to parent orientation. I am becoming a responsible parent...trying to stop this cycle from continuing on.
For those of you still using around your children.PLEASE STOP, PLEASE...and you may think by hiding in the bathroom, out in a shed or at someones home...you eventually come home and they know. Children are highly intuitive. They can see it.
I am a miracle...but you know what...My children are the biggest miracles in my life. I am now just able to see it. They are a joy and not a burden to me anymore...I am truly blessed to have them back in my life.
