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I am going to be making a major decision and unplanned life change that involves my career, and I have until January to do it.
The hospital where I have worked on and off since 1996 will be closing 1/1/09. I just bought a house, so this is an unpleasant development at a really bad time - not a good time to look forward to possible unemployment for sure.
We (All of us who support mental health services in this county) fought hard to keep this from happening, but it happened anyway. We have shed a lot of tears, a few people have been "Crying in their beer" so to speak, and there is an air of hopelessness at the job right now - myself incuded - I love my job and hate to think of the potential consequences for the mentally ill in my county.
But, life DOES happen, doesn't it? Recovery isn't always shiny and happy and perfect for me, and sometimes, things go wrong, and this time, things are going really wrong... so I have some choices.
I could get a bad case of the F-It's. I could go out and get high behind this - I finally become a homeowner, and now I am going to lose my job.
I could freeze up and take a "Wait and see" position, to wait to see what kind of severence package the county will offer me - or even wait to see if the county offers me one of the new positions at the outpatient clinic for the increased need for crisis services. That's a real possibility, I worked there before, I know everyone there, the county just gave me a "Merit Raise," so I guess that puts me in a good position... maybe.
I'm not willing to wait on maybe anymore. I learned that life is going to happen whether I like it or not when I got into recovery, and that what's going to make a difference in my future might be determined by how I respond to circumstances TODAY.
As an active addict, I was laid off from that job I had at the outpatient clinic in 2003 after working there for five years. 50+ people had no advance warning - just "Goodbye, we have to let you go," one employee at a time, no severence, no anything except "Turn in your badge, your keys, and we'll give you your check."
As an active addict, I spent more than a year drowning in my self pity, "How can they do this to ME," "What's the point of even trying," all that crap I used to tell myself when I used drugs to cope with my problems.
I didn't go look for another job. I didn't do anything to make my situation better - I DID have options, I made a decision to go with option "D," DOPE. I spent the better part of the next year high as a kite, living on unemployment, took a seasonal job cleaning bathrooms for minimum wage (Which was just a way to get my unemployment extended,) and running around practicing how I could be a "Professional Addict." Instead of dealing with the problem, I avoided it all together. I hid in a bag of meth, a bong, I even did some drinking (Which has always been out of character for me.) I went back to fighting and bullying people, I regressed back to who I was in high school to be quite honest - only at the time, I had turned forty years old three days after I was laid off from my job.
I had pending felony charges. I was out on bail, driving around in an illegal, uninsured vehicle on a suspended license with meth on me at all times. I spent most of my time with my connection, since my relationship was "Off" for several months too - yet another restraining order to add to the ones that followed me here from the Bay Area nine seven years prior to this. I made my court dates - the woman who put her house up to get me out of jail made sure of that.
So here I am again - this time, I have some time to prepare at least, and I have some tools that don't require a pipe, a warrant, or a stay in jail again.
So what does recovery have to do with me losing my job?
EVERYTHING. I have choices today. I can live in the solution, or feel sorry for myself and go back to what I did so well for most of my life - self destruct.
Not this time. I'm not willing to do that. The decision was made on 6/17/08 (To close the psych unit.)
I talked to family and friends I could trust, and I have already researched my options.
Staying with the county is a real possibility, maybe even a probability. But there is another option out there that will pay exponentially more, better benefits, more job security - and I am throwing the line into those waters (As a friend put it.)
I'm going to go apply to go work for the Department of Corrections, and hopefully will be hired to work at Sierra Conservation Center.
It's a medium security prison, and it is the only prison in California with a voluntary Substance Abuse Program for the inmates. They train the inmates to work with the California dept. of Forestry as firefighters, and actually does offer rehabilitation services in other areas as well.
I will miss the people I have been working with for so many years, but I guess the solution for me is going to have to be at least trying to get into a job where I will have security. I'll be mailing off my application next week - I worked for the state for 11 years in the past, so I already have some seniority in the system.
I am heartbroken - but I'm not going to wallow in it this time.
Gonna continue to live in the solution, tackle life on LIFE'S terms, because clearly, life doesn't act according to my terms. It never has - I have to adapt my life to the way the world operates today.
All those years I spent fighting to try to get "My Way" in active addiction lead me to where I am today... I surrender, Life, you win... and I'm gonna work with that.
I have choices - I have FINALLY learned to at least try to make the right ones.
Living in the solution to my problems will probably save my ass this time around - at least I hope it will. I have a little less than six months to prepare - and I'm doing that NOW.
Recovery is so much more than just not getting high for me. It's about changing the way I cope with life, and the hands that life deals.
I'm grateful for that, as sad as I am about everything else.
The hospital where I have worked on and off since 1996 will be closing 1/1/09. I just bought a house, so this is an unpleasant development at a really bad time - not a good time to look forward to possible unemployment for sure.
We (All of us who support mental health services in this county) fought hard to keep this from happening, but it happened anyway. We have shed a lot of tears, a few people have been "Crying in their beer" so to speak, and there is an air of hopelessness at the job right now - myself incuded - I love my job and hate to think of the potential consequences for the mentally ill in my county.
But, life DOES happen, doesn't it? Recovery isn't always shiny and happy and perfect for me, and sometimes, things go wrong, and this time, things are going really wrong... so I have some choices.
I could get a bad case of the F-It's. I could go out and get high behind this - I finally become a homeowner, and now I am going to lose my job.
I could freeze up and take a "Wait and see" position, to wait to see what kind of severence package the county will offer me - or even wait to see if the county offers me one of the new positions at the outpatient clinic for the increased need for crisis services. That's a real possibility, I worked there before, I know everyone there, the county just gave me a "Merit Raise," so I guess that puts me in a good position... maybe.
I'm not willing to wait on maybe anymore. I learned that life is going to happen whether I like it or not when I got into recovery, and that what's going to make a difference in my future might be determined by how I respond to circumstances TODAY.
As an active addict, I was laid off from that job I had at the outpatient clinic in 2003 after working there for five years. 50+ people had no advance warning - just "Goodbye, we have to let you go," one employee at a time, no severence, no anything except "Turn in your badge, your keys, and we'll give you your check."
As an active addict, I spent more than a year drowning in my self pity, "How can they do this to ME," "What's the point of even trying," all that crap I used to tell myself when I used drugs to cope with my problems.
I didn't go look for another job. I didn't do anything to make my situation better - I DID have options, I made a decision to go with option "D," DOPE. I spent the better part of the next year high as a kite, living on unemployment, took a seasonal job cleaning bathrooms for minimum wage (Which was just a way to get my unemployment extended,) and running around practicing how I could be a "Professional Addict." Instead of dealing with the problem, I avoided it all together. I hid in a bag of meth, a bong, I even did some drinking (Which has always been out of character for me.) I went back to fighting and bullying people, I regressed back to who I was in high school to be quite honest - only at the time, I had turned forty years old three days after I was laid off from my job.
I had pending felony charges. I was out on bail, driving around in an illegal, uninsured vehicle on a suspended license with meth on me at all times. I spent most of my time with my connection, since my relationship was "Off" for several months too - yet another restraining order to add to the ones that followed me here from the Bay Area nine seven years prior to this. I made my court dates - the woman who put her house up to get me out of jail made sure of that.
So here I am again - this time, I have some time to prepare at least, and I have some tools that don't require a pipe, a warrant, or a stay in jail again.
So what does recovery have to do with me losing my job?
EVERYTHING. I have choices today. I can live in the solution, or feel sorry for myself and go back to what I did so well for most of my life - self destruct.
Not this time. I'm not willing to do that. The decision was made on 6/17/08 (To close the psych unit.)
I talked to family and friends I could trust, and I have already researched my options.
Staying with the county is a real possibility, maybe even a probability. But there is another option out there that will pay exponentially more, better benefits, more job security - and I am throwing the line into those waters (As a friend put it.)
I'm going to go apply to go work for the Department of Corrections, and hopefully will be hired to work at Sierra Conservation Center.
It's a medium security prison, and it is the only prison in California with a voluntary Substance Abuse Program for the inmates. They train the inmates to work with the California dept. of Forestry as firefighters, and actually does offer rehabilitation services in other areas as well.
I will miss the people I have been working with for so many years, but I guess the solution for me is going to have to be at least trying to get into a job where I will have security. I'll be mailing off my application next week - I worked for the state for 11 years in the past, so I already have some seniority in the system.
I am heartbroken - but I'm not going to wallow in it this time.
Gonna continue to live in the solution, tackle life on LIFE'S terms, because clearly, life doesn't act according to my terms. It never has - I have to adapt my life to the way the world operates today.
All those years I spent fighting to try to get "My Way" in active addiction lead me to where I am today... I surrender, Life, you win... and I'm gonna work with that.
I have choices - I have FINALLY learned to at least try to make the right ones.
Living in the solution to my problems will probably save my ass this time around - at least I hope it will. I have a little less than six months to prepare - and I'm doing that NOW.
Recovery is so much more than just not getting high for me. It's about changing the way I cope with life, and the hands that life deals.
I'm grateful for that, as sad as I am about everything else.
Wham.
