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Phx,
We can agree to disagree. This is clear...
edited: because it just isn't worth it!
Keep On Truckin'
Lady
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My Beautiful Meth Addicted Daughter!
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 LdyOfWzdm |
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Posts: 772 (07/01/08 08:14:03) |
Last Edited By: LdyOfWzdm
07/01/08 13:15:01.
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phoenix |
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Posts: 1314 (07/01/08 12:36:42) Forum Friend |
If you think that it makes me feel "better" that you have posted, what you feel, is an unflattering photo of yourself, than you are sadly mistaken,
as I honestly could not care less about what you look like. I really don't care what your daughter looks like either, and as to her "condition",
well, we all know what addiction looks like here… My only concern for her here, was to act as an advocate on her behalf, if she were here I would gladly let
her speak for herself.
My point wasn't so much about THAT you posted your daughters pictures, it was WHY you posted them. And I think you understood that…. "I'm leaving this as my last response to you on this subject, as it's clear to me that we will not see eye to eye on the subject." Nor is this an issue of "who is right, and who is wrong" and by choosing to not communicate about what you post, you avoid the process of why we should all be here in the first place…To advance our recovery, both as individuals, and as a group. I think that there may be a part of you that is conflicted and afraid that if your daughter gets better, than you will lose the relationship that you have now, with your Granddaughter. Mind you that I don't know you, my opinion is not an informed one, it's only based upon what little you share of yourself here, so if I'm wrong I'm wrong…I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm done too, it's no fun trying to help someone by telling them something they don't want to hear, sincerely trying to help and just getting rapped for it. |
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LdyOfWzdm |
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Posts: 774 (07/01/08 13:14:08) |
Shyt, I guess you want an all out balls to wall pissing match here! You've fukin' pissed me off and hurt my feelings in that last post!
Which I'm sure was your intent since I said I was done with you. You wanted to really get my goat so that I would respond! Well here is! First I want to tell you that you DON'T know my daughter, and she doesn't need YOU to speak on her behalf....PERIOD! Not here, not anywhere! Second you were being mean and spiteful when you posted, "I think that there may be a part of you that is conflicted and afraid that if your daughter gets better, than you will lose the relationship that you have now, with your Granddaughter" You implied in that statement that I don't want my daughter to get well. That was just mean and hateful. There is nothing more that I would want in this world. I have dealt with her addiction for far more years than Bug has been here. I have personally taken her to rehabs (and paid for it), gone to meetings with her, and taken her in to my home, and done everything a mother could do to help. I have but my relationships with other family members, my marriage, and my own sanity at risk trying to help her. I can not believe you would have the audacity to suggest such a thing. For that I believe you to be mean spirited and nothing you have said before means anything to me. I see your motives loud and clear... ...they were meant to hurt and and get a response from the beginning. In the future when it comes to anything I post, as far as I'm concerned YOU can keep your opinions to yourself. Phx, I've watched you stir the pot in the forum a number of times, and I've given you NO reason to make such personal attacks on me. They are not appreciated and will not be tolerated by me. You in NO way have helped me, no way at all! You have done nothing but hurt me. If you weren't trying to hurt me... ...you did a dam good job of it. You poked and poked until you got me on a negative track (which is not my nature), and then wham...you slap me with shyt like me not wanting my daughter to get better.... piffffff! Leave Me ALONE! Berta |
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motherglory |
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Posts: 299 (07/01/08 16:45:08) |
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GOLDILOCKS |
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Posts: 12 (07/01/08 17:19:18) |
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((LADY)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
You have my total support and admiration! Only a mom that has had an addicted son or daughter can understand what you are feeling and saying-----the other opinions are mute!! God bless you-- Goldilocks |
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LdyOfWzdm |
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Posts: 778 (07/01/08 17:26:20) |
Gloria,
I thought about you before I started this thread. I thought how wonderful it would feel if I were able to post pictures of my daughter clean and in recovery, like the ones you had posted of your son. (the ones you just posted again) Then it dawned on me that there's a lot of work on all of our behalf even if and when she finds recovery. I realize that just because she was to find some sort of recovery program that wouldn't make it an automatic bed of roses. I know this from my past experiances with my children. It's not that I'm giving up, I'm being realistic. Rehab does not always = recovery Recovery does not always = rehab I know my daughter has been in rehab at least 4 times. Two of which she completed and 2 of which she did not. I'm not sure, but there may have been other attempts. I don't know what it's going to take for my daughter to stop using meth. I just don't know. I remain hopeful though. I hope that your son has done his last, and that when he completes rehab, you'll have your son, back and your grandson will eventually have the father he needs. Keep On Truckin' Lady |
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butterflyxo |
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Posts: 61 (07/01/08 18:30:14) |
Last Edited By: butterflyxo
07/02/08 13:56:28.
Edited 1 times.
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mr soul shine |
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Posts: 597 (07/01/08 19:31:01) |
gloria, right click and save this to your computer. |
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namakimi |
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Posts: 99 (07/01/08 19:36:06) |
Berta-Baby!
I go out of my way to stay out of the drama here at KCI....This time I can't hold it in any longer! He-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless ticked me off with his attack on you! I admire you for posting the pix of your (beautiful) daughter. In fact...I do believe that your doing so has inspired me to do the same with my stepdaughter's pix... And quite honestly - I hope she DOES see the pix...maybe then she will see what the rest of those that love her see....She is but a shell of the beautiful, intellegent, loving person that she was before she headed down this (meth) road to hell! You're a good mom...You haven't given up....You give me inspiration....You give me strength; and you teach ME to never give up! God be with you always. Kim |
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mischievi0us |
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Posts: 23 (07/01/08 22:15:19) |
I wouldnt post a picture of my son, in addiction or clean without his permission.
Just as i would hope he wouldnt post my picture without me knowing. Being an addict doesnt take away a persons basic rights. Privacy being one of those. Butterfly how is not posting a picture letting your addict roll you into a ball and kick the hell out of you. I dont understand that. I dont feel phoenix personally attacked lady at all. He stated his opinion may not be informed and was not intended to hurt her. By the very heated response he recieved in return, one would have to wonder if he hit a nerve. |
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motherglory |
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Posts: 300 (07/02/08 00:26:48) |
My son hasn't asked my permission for a dam thing since the day he got on meth. He tortured me and even clean he still does. Recovered or not, he is
still a ass. I remember having a son who was a decent child, who loved his family. Then I woke up one day and he was a raving maniac, who hated me and
everyone else. This drug took away my son. He has been clean almost a yr. now. He still dosent think right. He says he is through with drugs but yet you
hear the fact that he misses his sorry life. He still makes comments about me taking his son. I hate to think what would have happen to the child if I
hadn't. But you know, I never remind him that he was so stoned at the time, that he signed the papers without any problem. At the time he was glad to
have the responsibility off him as if it ever was.
I think the problem with people like my son and probably Ladys daughter, is they are just plain ass rotton brats. I know my son was spoiled to death. So maybe it all is my fault afterall. I dont know about anyone elses child but I know as far as my son. He has used up his rights with me. I wish him the best but he is never gona show anger around me again. If he wants around me from now on, its my terms. He can walk on egg shells around me for a few years. He can stay the hell away. I am used up. I can not deal with the +#%$ no more. He chose to be a addict, he can chose to be a man. Either way he is on his own. He knows where I am. Its his turn now. gloria |
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mischievi0us |
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Posts: 24 (07/02/08 01:13:40) |
Then for both of your sakes, let him go Gloria, let him be the man he wants to be.
You cant make him or mold him into who you want him to be. He is an adult, these are his choices. Noone can torture you unless you allow it to happen. You can only choose what is right for you and your grandson. Maybe its time for you to stop dwelling on what you cant change and instead focus on what you can. I say this only out of kindness for you.
Last Edited By: mischievi0us
07/02/08 01:21:44.
Edited 1 times.
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LdyOfWzdm |
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Posts: 779 (07/02/08 04:44:23) |
mischievi0us wrote: Mischiev0us,
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butterflyxo |
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Posts: 62 (07/02/08 04:51:56) |
edited because my posts seem to only cause trouble & get into a lot of people's crack. You old timers of kci can have at it, I'm sick & tired of having to explain this, explain that..omg you said this wrong, you said that wrong...think I'll just stick with CR.
Last Edited By: butterflyxo
07/02/08 13:54:48.
Edited 1 times.
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LdyOfWzdm |
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Posts: 780 (07/02/08 05:00:18) |
Thank you Kim,
It feels good to have my feelings validated, and understood. I don't expect everyone to understand how a mother who has lost her children to addiction feels. I don't understand a lot about meth addiction, and don't believe I will ever understand a large percentage of it. I'm just doing the best I can at trying. Thanks for your insight... Stay strong... Keep On Truckin' Lady |
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butterflyxo |
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Posts: 63 (07/02/08 05:04:41) |
Last Edited By: butterflyxo
07/02/08 13:57:37.
Edited 1 times.
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LdyOfWzdm |
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Posts: 781 (07/02/08 05:49:14) |
Lisa,
I gottcha the first time, and I hear you loud and clear this time. There are truly times I feel as if I have to walk on eggshells in order to keep my daughter a part of my life. Sometimes I don't give a shyt either... I want to, but to... only causes more pain and suffering for me. When Bug was 2 months old, I took my daughter and her to visit my daughter's grandmother on her father's side. I wanted the entire family to enjoy the blessings of Bug. My husband and I dropped Bug and my daughter off on a Thursday and made plans to pick them up on Sunday. In less than 6 hours my daughter had taken Bug (her every right to do so at the time), and took her to a meth house in Tulsa. She spent the weekend with this guy, his lizard that was almost as big as Bug, and his 3 pit bull dogs. My daughter talked to me about how they stayed up all night, and how Bug enjoyed hearing this guy play his guitar all night long. When they returned home, Bug had MRSA. Bug was put into the hospital for 10 days (at 2 months), for IV antibiotics, and has had to have 2 MRSA boils lanced on her little buttocks since. How sad is that?  
My daughter later admitted to me that the guy she stayed with had MRSA on his arms from his IV drug use. Now if Bug got the MRSA from him or not, isn't the issue. It's that my daughter spent the weekend getting high with her old friends with Bug around and didn't put Bug's best interest before her addiction. When she had expressed a desire to spend it at her grandmother's with her two younger brothers (from her father's second marriage), her father, her grandmother, and even her two sons who have been adopted by her aunt. Which I realize now was just a way to manipulate me into taking her up there... ...if she had asked for me to take her to this guys house for a weekend, I would have refused and she could have found her own way up there. I don't control her, but I wouldn't have taken her there and she knew it... ...that's why she used visiting family as her excuse to go. I know that my daughter is sick, and that the drug doesn't help her make good desissions. Therefore, until she's well and able to make the right choices, my family and I have to extend the efforts to protect Bug. Perhaps my daughter will see this thread, and see what I see. She's a loving, giving person, and she deserves much more... ...much much more. But it's her choice to get it... ...I have no control over her choices. Thanks for your support. Keep On Truckin' Lady |
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Eve au naturel |
Peace in the House, Please! | ||
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Posts: 405 (07/02/08 06:17:23) |
GOLDILOCKS wrote: That statement stings me. i've thought about it a lot since I first read it.
Please let's not make this an addict verses loved ones thread. It is quite probable that ALL addicts may not agree with Phoenix, and ALL loved ones may not neccessarily agree with Lady OW. Lady OW, I don't doubt that you love your daughter and Bug. I know that it must've been hard to take on raising a grandchild under your circumstances. Many grandparents would not have done it in the first place or would've sought to terminate the mother's parental rights. I admire the way you're handling it. Gloria, I'm glad that your son has cleaned up. I sympathize for your continued frustration after all you've been through on count of his addiction. You are perfectly entitled to feel like the recovering addict should be walking on eggshells for a while like you had to during (and perhaps even before?) his active addiction. Gloria, I'm glad that you have this board upon which to vent your feelings that you may or may not want your son to hear. Please all, peace. Eve AN |
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LdyOfWzdm |
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Posts: 785 (07/02/08 06:33:02) |
Eve AN,
I place a large value on the addicts opinions and point of view. It's from there I have been able to grow in my understanding of my own daughter addiction. For all that you and other's who have possibly experienced what my daughter has, I am truly greatful for you sharing it with me. I too appreciate the fact that this board is a "mash-pot" of active addicts, recovering addicts, mothers and fathers of addicts, brothers and sisters of addicts, wives and husbands of addicts, and any number of combinations. Even those who are both addict and love one. That's what makes this place really special. That's what keeps me coming back. Keep On Truckin' Lady |
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Penel0pe |
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Posts: 7064 (07/02/08 06:56:29) Moderator |
^ Likes what Eve has to say...
"Addict verses Loved ones" threads are never a good thing - I'm not sure that's what this is, either. What I got out of Phoenix' posts was that his opinion was that we are probably each better off focusing on what we can do to make our own lives better, regardless if we are the addict, or the loved one of the addict. I don't want to minimize one ounce of your pain, Lady, I have a daughter and I can't imagine losing her to meth, and now that I am clean, I talk to my own mother about the past and I have a good idea about what things were like for her - and she didn't raise my kids, either. I guess the best comparison I can come up with - and it might not even be a good one - would be to say that my addiction is my parents fault, post pictures of them here, and tell the loved ones "Don't be like them if you don't want your kids to end up like me." I have to own what I did when I was out there using - life wasn't perfect when I was growing up, but my own family isn't the greatest example of this. Life was hardly a nightmare for me, either. I imagine there are plenty of addicts here who CAN say that thier childhood was a nightmare, who could post a picture of their horrible parents, and use that as an example of how they ended up the way they did... However... the only thing about the pictures of your daughter that I see is that they are mugshots... she really is quite pretty. I hope the many mugshots law enforcement have of my "Mug" look that good 
Her pictures aren't like the horrific "Faces of meth" pics we are so used to looking at. She probably looks a lot different to her mom, but to me, she just looks pretty, and tired. (I think I may be babbling...) Anyway - My impression of Phoenix' posts was that focusing on our own wellness is how we can each get the most out of this place for ourselves, and using those pictures might not have been the best way to make the point, "Don't use meth." It might hurt your daughter, it might piss her off, if it was "My" picture and my mom did that I would have been pissed... and for those of us who ARE recovering addicts - we've seen so much ugly in our lives, her pictures don't fit the bill. She is beautiful IMHO, and is a meth addict, too. When I was in active addiction, I think that running accross a post like that from my own Mom probably would have just made me cop an attitude with her, because when I was out there using, I pretty much figured she didn't know what she was talking about anyway, and the post would have just been "Proof" of the fact that she was clearly out of touch with "Reality.." My thinking wasn't too clear when I was out there, so I couldn't call a spade a spade - I always saw a diamond because that's what I WANTED to see. I was out of touch with reality, I had to figure out my life was going to hell on my own. Nothing anyone else said or did ever helped me see that. I had to fall on my own face repeatedly until I got tired of getting up off the ground. It finally sunk in, "This SUCKS!" Man I hope this post makes at least a little sense... anyway - I can see both sides of the discussion - I "get" what Phoenix is trying to say, and I "Get" why Lady was hurt by it. That's one of the reasons it's good that addicts and loved ones are here posting in the same forum instead of separate forums, sooner or later, hopefully, we start to "Get" each other at least a little bit. We all just have different styles of communicating what we are trying to say... and I hope that what I just said made at least a little sense. I'm kinda worried it didn't
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