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Hi, I been reading this website for months. I'm 19 years old living in LA, so cal. I have problems in my thought procsses that impairs my choices. 2 years ago i was 18 years old fresh out of highschool and working a good job. A co-worker that was my age and lived close to me needed a ride one day, I was kind and did so.. as i got to know this person, He told me how he was a drug dealer, but they way he made it seem was so kind and had a good vibe. After one year of giving him rides to deal his drugs, it was last summer that i wondered why people paid for this drug, at the time i was clueless about drugs and meth. I was very sheltered growing up, white washed as they call it. I had no friends and felt very alone, so it was a hott summer night he told me he and his good friends where going to the beach, he did not invite me and said i should go home, i felt rejected once again so begged to come, and i begged to try the drug. He finnaly let me and that first night, that first hit i felt like i was a real person, i was always shy never talked much, that night i was talking and being very social, for the first time in my life, at age 18 i felt accpeted and finnaly "fit in" his friends asked for my number and said i was really chill and fun to be around when i was "on one" beucase before they thought i was

werid and anit social. well its summer again, it's been 1 whole year since i been on meth and i'm in hell. They say i have a addictive personagility, I had bad habbits before i used meth and had low selfesteem so i was not very healthy to begen with. Now i'm 19 years old with horriable teeth, ugly looking face (no scars never picked) and smell so nasty that people actully feel like throwing up when they get near me. I cant have bowl movements very often, i lost control of my bladder i only had sex once in my life and now i dont have a sex drive. and have "crysta; dick* I'm a shallow, slef absorbed loser un educated, rasied with lies. My parents never told me about my mental disability and so i thought my ways were normal. Meth got me thinking like a normal person, but at the same time it's killing me and i have lil hope i can recover, i did some much harm to my body. I got to my low point tonight i'm still high and comming down. I dont have money for rehab, I know i have the will power inside me, i just need the right kind of

motavation, as u can tell my grammar and typing is horrid, i'm very uneducated due
to ditched school and not graduating highschool. I need help, I cant trust the people around me, my dealer, and his friends i had got to know see me as a horriable, wast of a life and trying to get rid of me one way of another, i fear i'm being murdered and killed slowly while they use me for my car and money. How do i go about quiting safely? I want to sleep normal, i want to stop harming my body, only 19 and my teeth are going to fall out i fear, i have so many fillings and braces. I'm freaking out that after 1 year of mass meth abuse, staying awake for weeks that its already to late for me to live a healthy and productive life.