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hi guys, I'm really new to this site but I've been thinking a lot about meth
lately and my ex bf who I just can't let go of so I was hoping you'd be kind enough to give me your opinion on my situation.
So I'll start from the beginning. Last year I met a man who I instantly fell for and for lack of a better word he was VERY bad news. He was a heavy meth
user and dealer. I was very young and into the scene so I decided I'd do it, if only to spend time with him and have something in common (so stupid). Any
way as the months passed I became more and more addicted to it and I didn't even realise. I have no idea how much I'd smoke in a week because it was
free and it was every single day. Any way I fell madly and completely in love with this man I would have given him the world but because he stayed awake for
weeks on end and never ate his head wasn't in a good place. He was very abusive to me and treated me very badly but I never saw it. Any way long story
short we broke up very badly about 4 months ago and all this time I've pretty much quit only relapsing twice. But I just can't let go can't stop
thinking of him and this is where I hoped for your opinion. My ex and the meth were so closely related that I couldn't have one without immediately
thinking of the other. For example I couldn't sit with my meth buddies, have a pipe and not long for my bf and I couldn't see my bf and not wish
we'd sit down to have a pipe. This aside I did truly loved him; I loved him before I was completely addicted. It's so depressive thinking of him,
because I know he went through some terrible times as well and he is now with the people he should be, but I miss him so much and I want him back without the
meth involved but that's utterly impossible! I just want him to stop haunting my dreams and popping up in my memory whenever I say or see something we use
to do.
So I'm asking do u think I cannot forget him and let go because I'm still addicted or because I'm still healing a broken heart?
Thank you for taking the time to listen x
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cant let go...need your opinion
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 lovelyme |
cant let go...need your opinion |
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Posts: 1 (06/17/08 20:22:16) |
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mr soul shine |
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Posts: 475 (06/17/08 21:31:03) |
I just want to congratulate you on kicking the habit.
Well only you really know but judging from your post, if i was to put money on it, i'd say you are stilling healing from a broken heart. I don't know how old you are but i remember my first broken heart probably took me 3 or so years to recover from. Pathetic? maybe. Then as time went by, i got better and better at recovering. The harder ones to recover from for me are when you are really mistreated by the other person because that just fucks with your head. You want to know why and all that jazz. As time goes by, you get better at dealing with a broken heart. I'm an old pro now. Lets see if you can reach pro status. |
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starfishlover123 |
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Posts: 1166 (06/18/08 01:22:41) |
Lovelyme, Welcome to KCI, sorry you have to be here too, and congratulations on your ability to refrain from Meth. Without knowing much more, it is my supposition
that you were drawn into the meth world because you "fell in love" with an addict?? Although I never used meth or was never offered the drug, as a
loved one of many addicts, (both by blood and former marriage partner,) I can only say that you have absolutely NO control over the addiction of anyone but
your own.
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LdyOfWzdm |
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Posts: 710 (06/18/08 02:18:42) |
I met a man like this once...
...one I fell head over heals for! He was a "bad boy" too! I thought I would die when I left him... ...I had too, I didn't WANT to, I just had to for self preservation. It took a long time for me to recover from this relationship. I spent many hours with counselors, a psychologist, and in group therapy. In the end I found ME! The person I never knew. Not my parents daughter, not my brother and sisters sister, not my husbands wife, not my childrens mother, not an employee, or a co-worker..... ...but ME! A beautiful, special individual who could LOVE HERSELF! I didn't need anyone else to make me who I was... ...or to love me, because I could love me! Who knew?? I'm sorry that your heart is hurting so much, I'm happy that you were able to get out of Meth Hell, and I know that you'll make it though this if you continue to reach out to others, and if you learn to LOVE YOU! Believe it or not those feelings you have for him.... ...will fade in time, when he's no longer in your life. But when you learn to love yourself... ...you'll never leave you! Unless, you use drugs to take you away again! And that....ain't gonna happen is it? Keep On Truckin' Lady |
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lovelyme |
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Posts: 2 (06/18/08 03:50:20) |
starfishlover123 wrote: Thank you so much for all your replies! This paragraph really spoke to me though...I do
always feel empty inside like I'm hollow and emotionless towards others. And when I have man in my life I fall so hard for him and he becomes my
everything. I got my theory of not being to get over one because I'm still addicted to the other from a friend of a friend who was a heroin junkie.
He's physiatrist told him he was so in love with his gf and such a junkie that one couldn't be had without the other. I thought perhaps that's
whats wrong with me.
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amlynne |
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Posts: 35 (06/18/08 04:26:18) |
I was in a very similar situation once.............It was like a double romance. Him and the meth!!! So when it did end it felt like I lost 2 loves instead
of one. I romanced my drug of choice, just as much as the men in my life. If not more
 . I hope you are able to walk away, and stay away.
Amy |
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keepitsimpleforme |
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Posts: 340 (06/18/08 09:30:01) |
Hey - I'm sorry for what you're going through. I tried to kill myself in 1995 because my loser alcoholic drug addict boyfriend decided to leave me. We
had been living together for 10 months. I supported us financially and all we did was get drunk and do cocaine. He did a LOT more cocaine than I did -- I just
got drunk. But, our apt was a party place the whole time.
I found that when he left me I was in a VERY bad place emotionally. I'd been letting this guy use me for 10 months. And, I had an alcohol problem. That all adds up DEPRESSION. You sound depressed to me and kind of "lost". I've been there. My advice to you is this --- reach out to the healthy people you know. Do you have sober friends? Call them. Healthy family? Go to them. If not -- go to an Alanon meeting. I know that sounds cliche -- but you WILL meet some healthy people there who will care. They'll give you their numbers and you can call them. I don't know if it's the drugs you miss or him. Or both. When J left me --- I just ached and felt like I could NOT live on this planet without HIM. Which was very, very wrong. In fact - guess what? I found out he was actually BAD for me. He was hurting me in so many ways. Not physically -- but emotionally. It was a toxic relationship. Looking back I see that now. Learn to love yourself (again, cliche but true) -- find and hang out with people who are good to you. And, learn to be good to yourself. It's a process and takes time. But, you will be SO MUCH better off. I don't know if you're a Christian -- but my faith has gotten me through a LOT of times like what you're speaking of. God loves you no matter what. And, He will never leave you nor forsake you. Sometimes when things like this happens (you and this guy breaking up) we have to look at like God is doing us a FAVOR......he was bad news and there is something much better for you. 
Get some help with this. Don't be ashamed that you're hurting and need help. 
Susan
Last Edited By: keepitsimpleforme
06/18/08 09:38:33.
Edited 2 times.
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nineyearsclean |
God help me, I know I will use as soon as I get some money together and then I'll be thinking of my ex for another couple months...grrr | ||
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Posts: 7739 (06/18/08 10:04:21) Best Friend to KCI |
The definition of INSANITY:
Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. Stay away from the dope and your heart will heal. Otherwise, you will remain trapped in the vicious cycle of pain you now find yourself in. |
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keepitsimpleforme |
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Posts: 341 (06/18/08 10:40:50) |
Agreed. Don't make things worse.
Drinking worsened my depression when I went through that break up I mentioned above. And, ultimately, I believe my drinking was what drove me to try to kill myself. I was sooooooooooooooo depressed --- and I was drinking every night to try and escape from it. Didn't work and I ended up really hurting myself. Doing drugs will only make what you're going through harder and last longer. You WILL get past this thing you feel with him. TRUST ME --- you won't feel like this forever. I've BEEN THERE --- it does get better with some time. |
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Victoria4120 |
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Posts: 58 (06/19/08 03:18:06) |
Welcome to the board and congratulations on your sobriety. Well I agree with mr soul shine... Only you really know. But being on meth for me would help me connect better to people and convince myself on how much I like being around them but when I would be sober things would be completely different so maybe that could have something to do with it. The only advice that I can give you is to stay clean and if you were to get back with him then your probably going to end up relapsing so its better for you in the long run. I hope everything turns out ok.
Last Edited By: Victoria4120
06/19/08 03:20:45.
Edited 1 times.
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JamieJ1979 |
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Posts: 909 (06/19/08 07:02:17) |
Keepitsimple--You crack me up, "alcoholic drug addict loser boyfriend" that's how I describe my ex! It's like how in the hell was I ever even
attracted to such a jerk???!!!!! When I look back I'm like what was I thinking big time! My ex is still using although he now claims he's JUST a opiate
addict as if that makes it all good. When we were together we were heroin/crack addicts for the most part and when I left he was using mainly crack but it
would make him wig out and stay up for days tinkering with stuff. That's why I came here. Anyways I hadn't seen him in awhile I saw him the other day
and I just couldn't believe how I let that abusive jerk run my ass for years, me supporting us the whole time. Screw that. I'm happy with my life now.
I really am.
To the original poster--Been there done that. The ONLY thing that got me to experience some happiness was to give up the dope with help of course and domestic violence support groups and counseling. I'm in AA now and will have two years on July 4th. I've been broken up with my ex who is my child's father for almost 16 months now. I see him once every couple months if that. He's still doing the same old thing, hustling money and using dope. He's going to be 33 next week and nothing has changed for him in all the years I've known him and I met him in 2000. Sad. Seek some help, dv support is free. Jamie |
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keepitsimpleforme |
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Posts: 344 (06/19/08 08:26:16) |
Jamie --- I can tell you how/why "I" allowed it ---- the Brad Paisley song says it all............ALCOHOL. And, he was absolutely GORGEOUS. Like
model type gorgeous. He was also a musician, sang me songs, blah, blah, blah. And, then there was the sex..........
But, yeah, I look back now and think "What was I thinking?????" And, I almost DIED because of that loser? Crazy.... |
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JamieJ1979 |
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Posts: 913 (06/20/08 08:48:45) |
It's amazing we lived through some of the crazy situation we put ourselves in. Sex can be very addicting. The man I'm have been involved with for the
past year is amazing in bed. I'm so addicted to him! He's not a addict or alcoholic, never drinks actually and have never tried drugs. He's a great
guy. We have fun together and that's what being involved with someone is all about right? When I was with my ex life definitely wasn't fun. It was full
of stress, worry, financial crisis, domestic violence, drug abuse, total instability. Never again. I love the way my life is right now. I'm in school and I
work part time. I attend meetings and meet my sponsor weekly. Life can be good but it takes lots of work and lots of things have to change completely. I had to
shed my old identity in order to get back to the real me.
Jamie |
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