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Hi,
I would greatly appreciate it if I could get responses. I have had an on and off again relationship with a girl for 5 years. I didn't realize she had a
meth addiction, until our 2nd year together. She has broken up with me many times and the past year I have realized that she may have lied through our whole
relationship. She got arrested 3 years ago and I bailed her out of jail. As soon as I bailed her out, I caught her with more meth in her purse. I feel very
guilty because I was not raised to accept this, and went against my morals and values because I love this girl. Out of all of her boyfriends, I was the only
one who was clean. She claimed she had chronic fatigue syndrome and needed meth just to function as normal person. Now, I think the days and weeks she would
sleep and couldn't move, was due to withdrawals. Very strange guys would come by her house, she would by drugs, and say she was hooking people up to get
free meth. She didn't work, lived at home with her mom and really hasn't evolved in 5 years. I fell for her hard and saw past the meth abuse. Long
story short, She said she missed me one day and two days later started ignoring my calls. A week later she had her new
boyfriend call me to break up. Our relationship was perfect, but she didn't want to deal with me anymore. I felt that after 5 years, I deserved,
more...much more. She lied to my face and swore on her sister that she was not cheating on me. She was cheating on me, but for ho wlong. I am so scared! I am
scared at how many times she lied, cheated and manipulated me due to her meth habit. I have absolutely no closure and am in immense mental, emotional pain. I
was addicted to her as well as co dependant and I loved her. How could she flip the switch so quick? She never wanted my help and wanted to do it her way. She
said that she was going to quit meth, get on cymbalta and deal with her life. I'm pretty much devastated at this point and have no closure. I wrote her a 5
page letter and I'm debating on sending it to her. She has a new boyfriend and he is regulating her phone and she won't speak to me. He claims
she's shutdown. I'm just so scared that she is a liar, a cheater, everything she said she wasn't I would appreciate any thoughts or kind words;
I'm going through a VERY tough time, because I love a meth addict. I'm scared that I will never hear from her again, but what she did is not human.
Thank you,
Donnie
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My ex GF is a meth addict and did the uthinkable - Please Help
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 don32 |
My ex GF is a meth addict and did the uthinkable - Please Help |
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Posts: 1 (06/18/08 21:13:23) |
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don32 |
My ex GF is a meth addict and did the uthinkable | ||
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Posts: 2 (06/18/08 21:23:04) |
don32 wrote: |
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Victoria4120 |
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Posts: 53 (06/18/08 22:26:41) |
I'm very sorry to hear that. I can feel your pain and hope you feel better. Try and think of it as you did all you could do for her.
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TerryCa |
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Posts: 497 (06/18/08 23:04:01) |
Donnie
Your post is so very sad to me. I see this type of behavior from my family member who is a really cool person (Aside from the drugs). I learned to deal with her by reading, posting, chatting, making mistakes and occasionally actually doing the right thing. LOL Please don't take her rejection as she doesn't care or love you. She just loves her drug so much more. This new man is just a means to that continued addiction. She doesn't want to quit and you can't make her. My heart goes to you Donnie. If your able to be a friend to her, that would be cool. Understandable if you can't. You not using drugs allowed her to appear normal in the public and her own mind. Are you a fool? Probably not. You saw glimpses of a wonderful person. Did she mean to fool you? Well, meth addicts are master manipulators. Either way, you enjoyed your time together and you now know she is a very sick person. Don't beat yourself up over this. Peace to your troubled heart. You'll be okay. It sure is a shock and eye opener, this meth #%$%. Terryca |
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The Warden |
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Posts: 119 (06/18/08 23:21:49) |
Hey Don~
When you're addicted that's all you care about. You get tunnel vision. Nothing matters but your sad sick world. When you're on drugs you aren't capable of a loving relationship. This guy who's she's with now probably does and condones the drug use -- hence the reason why she's with him. In the end, consider yourself lucky to have gotten out before your relationship spawned children or a shared bank account. When I was an addict and dated I broke a few hearts too. My world was more important than anyone and anything. Drugs and secrets take first priority. Try not to take it personally. You're not dealing with a heart and soul, you're dealing with an addiction. |
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no more mething around |
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Posts: 1304 (06/19/08 04:14:12) Forum Friend |
yes, what they said.....
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keepitsimpleforme |
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Posts: 342 (06/19/08 06:36:53) |
What Warden said.
I'm sorry you're hurting. I've been there. May be there again (my husband is currently in rehab). Find positive healthy things to cling to in your life. She is lost right now. I know how shocking what they do can be. It is all so hurtful and makes NO sense --- but that is addiction. Ever watched the A&E show "Intervention"? It's GREAT for us loved ones. Really helps you to know you're not alone in your struggle to love an addict. |
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nineyearsclean |
Bless your heart... | ||
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Posts: 7742 (06/19/08 07:30:10) Best Friend to KCI |
You need to face the facts before you can get past this, and one of the biggest facts is.................
"Our relationship was perfect," No it was not. It was a one-sided, pain-filled sham of a relationship, and you are much better off without people like her in your life. I know it hurts, but the sooner you accept this, the sooner your heart can begin to heal. Blessings, 9 |
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mlg |
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Posts: 573 (06/19/08 07:37:57) |
Donnie, my daughter went back and forth between 2 guys, one was 50 yrs. old, could have been her dad, ugh....
One is dead now, the other, I don't know where he is, maybe prison. She had a wonderful guy before she succumbed to her "supplier men." I know she cried for 2 weeks straight when in recovery, not believing what she herself did. Active addiction produces behaviors that are unfathomable, to the loved ones, and even to THEM when they take the time to look back at how they behaved and did the things they did (if they recover). Your girlfriend is very sick, know that, and try to move on. Unless she embraces recovery, your relationship with her will be sick, and so will you. Take it from us, her parents. mlg |
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keepitsimpleforme |
Wow | ||
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Posts: 343 (06/19/08 08:20:19) |
Wow - powerful posts. And, so very true.
Being in these types of relationships all my life I can vouch for the fact that they are NOT perfect. It might FEEL like that -- but the relationship is filling unhealthy needs of both parties. I have dated nothing but addicts/alcoholics my entire life. That says a LOT about me doesn't it? I'm codependent and have low/no self esteem. I confuse pity with love. I accept abuse and even feel it is deserved sometimes. Deep down I don't feel worthy of a good man. Which is a false belief. But, until I come to terms with that -- I'll keep repeating the pattern. And, so will you. I don't doubt that you fell for her and ache without her. But, you need to target that "ache" and work on it YOURSELF. It is so cliche but it really is true -- we're no good to anybody else until we become "whole" people who love and respect ourselves. |
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3months |
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Posts: 37 (06/19/08 11:57:36) |
hey bro, I hear you too, it is a tough spot you are going through, you might even feel sick right now. I went through a situation similar to yours and I got it
handled. I strongly believe that the only way for you to get through this is to start dating other women. Beyond the scope of meth addiction, by the way you
write, I can tell you are acting like a needy person to her which 'cause her to loose the attraction for you and leave. Go to www.daviddeangelo.com for more information on this.
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don32 |
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Posts: 3 (06/19/08 21:08:29) |
Thank you all! I am so confused at by her actions. I realize I am helpless and all I can do is live my life. Hopefully, one day she gets he rlife together and
wants to try and build a future again. I have beentemptd to tell he rmom, but it was never my place. I have thought abotu staging my own intervention fo rher,
but once again, she doesn't want my kind of help.She smoked meth and seemed normal on it. Dos sit still affect her mental and emotional state along with
her personality and decisions she makes? Did the meth make her break up with me or was it her? I'm so confused and distraught with way to many unasnwered
questiosn swirling in my head. It was not a perfect relationship, but I felt if we both worked on our issues, we could survivie. Perhaps, I was wrong. I pray
she didn't just us eme and really did and still doe slove and care fo rme. I pray it wasn't all a sham with secrets, lies and cheating.
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 mr soul shine |
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Posts: 480 (06/19/08 21:55:21) |
hey donnie,
First of all, i am very sorry. a broken heart is a tough one.
I wouldnt' send the letter. YOu'll just give her another chance to manipulate you. I would be more scared that you WILL hear from her again. I know you don't want to hear this but coudl you ever trust her really? I don't tihnk you can. I think you know the answers to many of the questions you have posed. She probably did love you in her odd way but you can't save her and yes she is a liar, a cheater and whatever else you suspect right now. Just dig down deep and accept it all. It isn't gonna be easy but right now she sucks at life. Maybe one day she will be better but she has to do it all on her lonesome. Do you really want to be in a relationship when you are always wondering? do whtever you got to do in life to accept that you won't get closure and that you wont' get answers. Just answer them yourself and get on with it. It sucks but i don't want her to make your life miserable. |
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starfishlover123 |
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Posts: 1171 (06/19/08 23:35:11) |
Hi Don,
Welcome to KCI, and I'm sorry you are hurting so much right now - a broken heart sucks. However, the good news is that you can reach a place of peace in it all. My meth-addicted ex-husband did worse than the unthinkable, (at least worse than I could have ever have imagined his doing under any circumstances,) and there is no question that it was shocking and has been one of the most painful expereinces I have ever endured. But now, over a year-and-a-half later, I see great blessing in it. Before you take any advice from "3months," (who hasn't posted that I have noticed in quite awhile,) or his internet Don Juan Guru of dating, I'd do a bit more soul searching about what attracted you to this emotionally unhealthy person to begin with and really analyze if this has been a pattern for you. If so, you might well be what we call in recovery jargon, "co-dependent." Co-dependency has elements of low self-esteem and leads us to make poor decisions regarding relationships. I must agree with Soul Shine in that I would be more afraid of her contacting you right now than not being able to reach her. Look at the cut-off as a blessing, because it only gets a lot worse unless she really wants to change. Stick around and read more about the road from meth addiction to recovery. It's no cake walk for anyone involved. Sometimes one of the best gifts we can give ourselves is TIME. Rather than trying to fix her or worrying about her, be extra kind to YOU and trying working on YOU so YOU don't fall in the same hole again. So many of us tend to become just as sick as the addict when we are trying to do the impossible - love them out of their addiction. Personally, I wouldn't want someone back who lied to me, cheated on me, dumped me, and obviously doesn't want any contact anyway. Probably she wants only the contact of men who can give her what she wants most - meth, meth, and only meth. The best predictor of future behavior is that of the past. Best Wishes Don, Starfishlover ><> |
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Juliett55 |
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Posts: 314 (06/20/08 13:15:19) |
Have you tried going to AlAnon or NarAnon? You need to take care of you right now. I know things seem horrible but this can be an experience that will really
help you to grow. It is probably hard to think of growth at the time, but trust me later on in life you will appriciate that opportunity.
I have been in and out of relationship with an addict, he is finally 11.5 month clean. We still don't have a real realitonship (too early), but there is a good chance now. I can relate exactly how you are feeling. When an addict is in the active addiction she/he will do anything to get drugs. The drug becomes a primery lover, eveything else is secondary. Have you heard of addicts watching their children being taken away in front of them? It is not because they don't love them. If your girlfriend wasn't ready to quit meth and you were encouraging her too she would have done everything she could to push you away, including saying horrible things to you, cheating.... This is not to say she doesn't care about you....it is to say that the drug pushes away people afddicts love the most. Why??? because you care and right now she needs people around her that do not care about her future, but care about selling her the drug or gettinng high with her. In AlAnon and other recovery programs you learn to separate the person and the addict, I personally think that it is very important in finding sanity. Hang is there.... Love, Juliett. |
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cymonne |
re gf | ||
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Posts: 133 (06/20/08 20:38:23) |
im a recoverd addictn 17 yrs of use, you need to realize shes sick, and its time for you to let go, and walk away, before you waste your entire life waiting,
if its meant to be one day, it will be, dont miss out on life , because she has to want to stop, when were caught up meth is all we want plain and simple, we
will do anything, sometimes use anyone to get it. sometimes we gotta let people go, and go on and live our lives, let go, and let god, monne,
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esteban91075 |
My ex GF is a meth addict and did the uthinkable - Please Help Search this Topic: | ||
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Posts: 52 (06/20/08 21:52:01) |
Don,
I haven't posted to the message board in quite some time but I do every now and then when I find somone who was in a similar situation as I was. In April of 2007, I was confronted with the truth that my wife of two years (4yr relationship) had been using Meth in my house for over a month with some guy while I was at work. From April to June of last year everything spiraled out of control while she continued to live with me. She left at the end of June 2007 with my 7 year old stepdaughter t live with her parents in Reno, NV. It wasn't until after she left that I realized the true extent of her addiction. The same pattern that you described developed in my relationhsip with her. At first she blamed me for her meth use, then when I confronted her with the truth she changed all her contact information and cutoff all communication. Calling me a loser and threatening me with violence from some unknown individuals. I couldn't believe it. I was in so much pain that I was driving myself to the brink of insanity. I didn't even know who this person was. She definitely was not the person that I married. It took over a year to finalize the divorce. I met with her one last time before my divorce was final to make amends for the mistakes I made in the relationship. It was a very sobering and surreal experience. She told me some odd stories about how her family always being nosey and asking what she's doing and how it's driving her nuts. Then she went into how she was asked to go back to Los Angeles to work for the company she just left. Finally, I made my amends. She looked at me and said, "there are probably things that I should apologize to you about but I'm not ready to do so". I didn't go there for her apology and I was just happy that God had given me closure on my part so I could close this door in peace. It's been a year and I can tell you that your life will get better. I'm not going say everything is great now but its a whole lot better than it was. I still deal with anger and resentment about the things that happened but they could have turned out a lot worse. Luckily, we didn't have any children together. She has tried to contact me a few times over the past couple months since my divorce was final. She asked to be friends so we can be amicable about the situation. I chose not to respond. The way I see it is if she did what she did to me while we were married, I can just imagine what she would do to me as a friend. Lastly, the interesting thing about meth friends is they all seem to disappear when you stop using. At least that's what she told me about her friends. They didn't want to chat with her once she stopped using. |
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chrisgonz |
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Posts: 371 (06/20/08 22:46:15) |
Once she stops using she'll see things clearer.
Drug friends won't stick around unless they do recovery as well. Sorry you were hurt in the whole addcition thing. Be thankful you didn't get hurt or drug into the life. Pray she finds her way. Much peace. IF my daughter's ex knew she was using and didn't tell me & I had no clue about it, I'd be very upset knowing he knew and didn't let me know as well. that's just me though. |
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oaklandathletic |
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Posts: 227 (06/21/08 07:32:42) |
Co-sign...niner.......It was a relationship with a meth addict....Her best love was the drug...I feel bad for you and the hurt you are going thru...Liek others
said be glad the relationship didn't have marriage or kids in it.......She has one love and its meth.......Thats the way it is unfortunatly....Her new
boyfriend is just an enabler for her.......You can not fix her..She has to want to get help and get into recovery.......
the only person that is going to make you happy is ...........Yourself........... Donnie, Take care of you and time heals all wounds .......Not being a meth addict you don't understand.....Be glad you don't understand.......It's not a good life to live...... Take care of yourself and good luck....One Day at a Time.... Paul 
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Paws from hell |
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Posts: 939 (06/21/08 07:59:49) |
Don I'm Al a recovering addict and boy did this thread and your initial post strike my heart.. I too did the exact
same things your GF did. It's not the men or people she's with it the drug period. When I was at the height of my using I would find myself surrounded
by people who I considered friends because they were using just like I . And was I happy go lucky ?... Never... not once can I honestly say NOW,that I was
happy during that time. It's like the little wheel a hamster runs in faster and faster and getting absolutely nowhere.
I consider my a good man but not with meth. I was let go , it hurt, it made me mad, it made me want to retaliate, I rationalized every situation of how it was not my fault. But now with a clear clean head. It was all me . I now cry about my losses but not because of pity on myself, but because of the way I treated another human who cared and supported me, who I thought I was getting away with. Just like yourself , they always know the only person I was cheating on and making a fool of was myself. Let her go, heal yourself, and yes live , you sound like a good person don't allow this to sour your spirit to people. Let it make you strong and let her...go her way. Maybe she'll be lucky enough to find a place like this , or more. Peace to you my Brother ! |
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mia08 |
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Posts: 1 (06/23/08 13:02:45) |
I know exactly what you are going through, it sounds exactly like what im going through right now. My boyfriend of 4 yrs just did the exact same thing to me. I keep going over it trying to figure out what I dont wrong but I know it's not me, it's him. I had a feeling he was cheating and I gave him the chance to admit it and he looked me dead in the eyes and told me NO he was not then a week later he calls me and tells me that he has a girlfriend and that he wanted us to still be friends. I just dont understand how he could do that to me cause he acted like it wasnt even a big deal. I'm having a really hard time dealing with it but there is nothing more I can do for him. |
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