Facing our mistakes in recovery

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amlynne

Facing our mistakes in recovery

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Posts: 27

(06/15/08 10:57:35)

Like most people, I made many bad choices while I was using that I have had to face. My life is so different now than before I started using meth.
I am with someone different. (and very happy with that) My kids are almost grown, and my whole outlook on life has changed. I have made so many positive changes, yet there is something from my past that is not going to go away on its own.
About 4 years ago, I had to make a choice I feel saved mine and my kids life. I was on probation in Az for posession of para. which is a felony.
I was struggling terribly to stay clean there and comply with probation. I was in and out of half-way houses that I was mandated to live at and then my ex-husband was arrested and went to jail..........He had lost our house, and moved several times with our kids, each time it was in a worse area, then eventually my kids were staying with other addicts who we barely knew..................By the time I got the kids, they barely had more than the cloths on there backs. I was staying with my boyfriend in a small appartment we we on the verge off being evicted from. Within a week, my 14 yr old daughter came home puking drunk, was chased by Phoenix police, and the last straw was when I found a meth pipe in her pocket. Every worst nightmare I have ever had, came true for us in Az.....................
I put them on a plane and brought them back to the midwest. (my 2 younger kids) my oldest daughter was an adult living in a good inviroment so she stayed. It was hard to leave her behind, but she was really glad we did and knew it was for the best.
My mistake?????? I am obsconded from the law there, violated my probation, with a warrant that has no bond. I was arrested here shortly after I came home (wasn't quite done yet) for posession of cocaine. (I guess they call it dope for a reason). At that time Az did not want me to be extradited. I was sentenced to 60 days here, did the time and was released. It was then that I finally began my road to recovery.
I have heard though that Joe Arpio is trying to change the extradition laws and that really frightens me.
I also can't get a drivers license here cause Az has a hold on my name at the DMV because of the fines I owe.......I drive outlaw in my small hometown, and have managed to so far get away with it, but know that is another risk I am taking.................
I am really struggling to find a way and the strength to deal with this..................or not deal with it.
I don't regret the decision I made to leave. I was 2000 miles away from the love and support of my family that we very much needed to get to where we are today. If we had stayed I know I would have been in jail or worse and god only know where that would have left my kids.
Anyway, I'm putting this out there, hoping someone can shed some light.
With attitude of gratitude,
Amy

TenderheartsKS

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Posts: 1723

(06/15/08 12:38:33)

Moderator

I am hoping that Niner will see your post and respond. She has quite a story to share of facing some serious legal consequences in her life after she got clean.

I haven't been in the position that you are, but I know when I am struggling with a 'what should I do', sometimes the best thing I can do is just sit, quiet my mind, and ask my higher power to give me guidance.

no more mething around

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Posts: 1284

(06/15/08 13:09:39)

Forum Friend

Hi Amy - wow - your story gives me chills -

I left Az to come to the midwest to start over.

I had stuff to clear up there too - weird.

I wonder if you would be "grandfathered"....if there were any extradition law changes .

I just know for me - I couldn't really "move on"...and start over - until I put the past 2 rest. I felt like I was hiding.

I don't look over my shoulder anymore and man I know what it feels like to drive outlaw - UGH !

nineyearsclean

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Posts: 7738

(06/18/08 08:58:41)

Best Friend to KCI

Hi Amy. It's amazing where we allowed meth to take us, isn't it? I have quite the checkered past thanks to my 13 year dance with meth. And I started out as just a regular gal, from a good family. Anyway, my story is long, and I am at work right now, but I wanted to tell you this: Besides getting clean, the best thing I ever did was come clean and face the music - in all areas of my life, and specifically, for a crime I committed while in the throes of addiction.

I was 3 months clean when I went back to Dodge and turned myself in. I was scared to death. I had never been in trouble with the law before. They couldn't even find a parking ticket on me. I was a professional in the legal community, a mother, a wife, and an established member of my community. I was also a meth addict, who did something so stupid, and so illegal, and I knew that my guilty conscience would lead me right back to using if I didn't turn myself in.

I was indicted on 11 felony counts and I faced over a decade or two in prison. In the end, and it's a complicated story, I was convicted on 3 felonies and I received 4 years in the state penitentiary, to be served concurrently (thank God for that at least!). I spent a year in a California state penitentiary for women, and part of that year I was in the company of the infamous Manson women.

It was hard time in the truest sense of that term, but I got something out of it, well, more than one thing, but the one thing I got out of it that I could only get by going through it was.............a clear conscience. It was worth it. The guilt I felt about what I had done fueled my addiction even more. Meth helped me forget, or at least, not feel guilty when I did think about it, and I was afraid that my guilty conscience, like I said, would lead me right back to that "relief".

My best advice: face it head on, do whatever you have to do to deal with it, and put it behind you. It will haunt you the rest of your life if you don't, and you will find yourself constantly looking over your shoulder.

Having said that, get legal counsel. Be very careful. They threw the book at me because I wouldn't tell them things about others involved. I know your situation is different, but I'm just saying, don't trust them because they have your freedom in their hands. Get legal counsel before you do anything else.

gotta go.............

Last Edited By: nineyearsclean 06/18/08 09:01:22. Edited 1 times.

MkUsmile

Extradition

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Posts: 253

(06/18/08 16:01:34)

Honestly, most states dont have the necessary funds right now to extradite anyone but the most serious offenders which does not include probation violators. You should write a letter to the judge and explain your situation, if you have letters of recommendation from a treatment center or something like that, that shows how you've changed your life around, I would include those. Otherwise you should just ask what you need to do to clear your name. They'll probably just give you a dishonorable discharge and you can move on and get a drivers license and insurance.

Best of luck,

M.

amlynne

thanks

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Posts: 36

(06/18/08 18:09:47)

Thanks for the good advice m and nineyears..................I have made so many amazing positive changes in my life. Suddenly this is smacking me in the face, sometimes it even hard to breathe. I knew that eventually it would creep up on me, I just needed to get clean, and STRONG enough to deal with it.
I talked to someone today, who has refered me to some legal council. I know that the best way to aproach it. I'm just so scared. But I know its up to me to make it go away. I have alot of post traumatic stress issues, and its very hard still sometimes to think about that time in my life.
Thank you both so much for responding.

With attitude of gratitude,
Amy

TenderheartsKS

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Posts: 1747

(06/18/08 18:32:58)

Moderator

Amy, I just wanted you to know how proud I am of you for dealing with this issue.

My sponsor told me early in my recovery that I would be dealing with the consequences of my active addiction for many years into my recovery.

Although I never faced any legal issues, I am just now getting around to finishing up getting a college degree at the age of 50. I was awarded an academic scholarship my senior year in high school to an excellent nursing program.

When I left the confines of home, and the rules of my parents, I was a freight train out of control and plunged into my addictions headfirst. I only last 2 months in college and walked away from it.

Sometimes it takes a long time to clear the wreckage of past.

Just remember, you're not alone anymore

phoenix

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Posts: 1273

(06/18/08 18:46:55)

Forum Friend

Amy,

I understand fear all to well.

Being braver and stronger person is a gift that recovery is bringing me.

Be strong... Things will be fine...

Victoria4120

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Posts: 54

(06/19/08 02:48:41)

Amy,
That is an amazing story and i'm so glad everything is working out for you now. I would have handled the situation exactly the same if I found out that my daughter was doing meth... I don't have much of a story to speak of my history with meth. I'm in my own way dealing with the consequences of my meth addiction being in this fog. I have been clean now for 20 months which is good but I hope the fog lifts soon.

Last Edited By: Victoria4120 06/19/08 02:51:22. Edited 1 times.

amlynne

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Posts: 39

(06/20/08 04:12:36)

I spoke to an attorney yesterday,...............I hate this feeling. All these painful memories have come flooding back to me

. Now I have to follow through. I need some closure, really bad!!!
Wish me luck!!

TenderheartsKS

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Posts: 1758

(06/20/08 08:09:25)

Moderator

Better than wishing luck, I will pray for you. Prayer is a powerful thing

vinus08

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Posts: 1

(06/20/08 21:49:17)

This topic is great interest for beginners. Its value is practical and theoretical. The main importance of this article, I believe, courage to see things from rather different perspectives. The most felt that discussion of error was a good thing. Patience ... which is necessary to recover from mistake. Self-reliance ... because we realise that we alone are responsible for our own recovery and correct behaviour out in the world.
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vinus

Dual Diagnosis
http://www.dual-diagnosis.net

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