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Been a long time. NEED HELP

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Chocka	Been a long time. NEED HELP	Lead	[-]
Posts: 61 (05/27/08 14:46:15) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Well guys, you probably dont remember me but i used to post here like 6 months ago. Anyways things aren't so great. I was nearly 6 months clean and two nights ago i f$%ked up and bought a 8 ball. Well i was doing ok, my doctor put me on anti depressants a week ago and they were making me feel numb and i was having suicidal thoughts, like i went riding the other day and i was looking at tress thinking which one would be good to tie a rope from. I know i'm being silly. Anyways. Also ive been seeing this girl for like 3 months but i have no interest in sex, like my sex drive in non existant.Its been this way for nearly 12 months. Somethings wrong, even when i was clean, NOTHING. Also i havent shown up for work all this week, im thinking bout quitting my job and just concentrating on me being clean. Like i dont need the money so thats a good thing. Anyways i'm still head f%$ked cause im comming down and i could go on and on about my problems. Oh yea ive heard ppl talk about how meth leaves you empty, well thats how i feel, i have no interest in nothing. I don't know whether cause im getting older or what but my life has hit a all time low.I got so many questions to ask you guys but i leave this for now and see what you guys think.
Loraura		#1	[-]
Posts: 6923 (05/27/08 17:42:52) Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Have you called your doctor's office? I would definitely recommend talking to your doc about how the anti-depressant made you feel. I'd also be honest about the relapse so your doc can have all the facts to work with because it's a whole new ball game now, unfortunately. How long were you a user for before you quit 6 months ago?
dancingegg.moondancersplace		#2	[-]
Posts: 1 (05/27/08 18:27:25) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I agree with Loraura,go to the doc and I do recommend you read this book - The Anti-Depressant Fact Book. In this book,Dr. Peter R. Breggin's work is excellent. Drugs are KILLING many people before their "natural" time to die has come. Breggin can help persons to stop killing themselves with those horrible medications. Read the book and get better without drugs.
Chocka		#3	[-]
Posts: 62 (05/27/08 18:33:49) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I've been using on and off since i was 19, i'm now 29. For about 14 months now i've just felt numb and lost. Thats why im taking anti depressants. I have no real interest in life.I bought a motor bike bout 4 months ago and hardly ride it, i've go no interest in going out and socialising. I have no hobbies.I don't speak with my family. Recently i started talking to a old friend and we started hanging out and she told me she has like me for years, anyways we decided to start dating and everything was great but i had no desire for sex. Its like im just using her for emotional reasons and it isnt fair to her if i keep stringing her along. I'm scared to let her go because i do like her and also i'll have no one to talk to with sounds kinda selfish. She knows i used to use but doesnt know bout me using 2 days ago.She said if she found out she would never talk to me again. Also we havent had sex yet either and i'm not game to tell her bout my sex drive but if i keep dating her she will think something strange is going on. By rights i need to let her go and concentrate on me quitting. I seem to use every 3-6 months, i get the urge then binge on it for a couple of days then i dont use for months. Last 6 months ive felt nothing, until 2 days ago when i got the urge to use. I'm so worried i'll be numb for the rest of my life and no sex drive. I don't want to go on living my life not feeling anything, its a waste of a life and lonely as hell. Ok question, should i let this girl go? I already know the answer but i want someone else opinion. If i do its just gonna make me feel more lonely and depressed..
LivesWithWolves	Hi Chocka	#4	[-]
Posts: 1001 (05/27/08 18:34:39) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Welcome back, Sorry, I don't remember your story. I do know that it can take a good, solid year and a half to clear your mind and then some more time to start feeling normal. I don't like the antidepressants, I do think many western medications cause more problems than the original symptoms they are trying to treat. But, the doctors and the biomedical companies, and venture capitalist's are all getting rich - at our expense. I think it would be good to treat yourself well; sleep, eat good, fresh food - lots of fruits and veggies. Try to exercise a little each day. Force those negative thoughts out of your head and think positive. I also agree to talk to your doctor. Keep in touch and keep asking the questions.
keepitsimpleforme		#5	[-]
Posts: 269 (05/28/08 06:29:09) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I hate to sound "preachy" or offend anyone --- but do you go to church anywhere? Do you believe in God? I believe He could help you.
oaklandathletic		#6	[-]
Posts: 125 (05/28/08 15:00:38) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	See the doctor and I think you should tell her what you did .....If you don't have honesty in a relationship ...what do you have???? You sound like a major depression has set in....go see the dr. Good luck to you and things will get better.........take it one day at a time........ Paul
Brendar		#7	[-]
Posts: 1121 (05/28/08 16:49:44) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Ditto on the Dr. As for sex... Life isn't about sex...Sex is about life As for letting her go... what does she think?
Chocka		#8	[-]
Posts: 63 (05/28/08 18:00:17) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I'm going to see my Dr tomorrow. I'll tell him what i did but i know he will just tell me to stop and give me a lecture. Also i got a letter from this place where i wanna see a councilor, i'm on a 4 week waiting list..eeek...Anyways i stayed over at my girls place last night and she was kinda upset and worried cause i avoided her for 2 days. Anyways she didnt ask any questions cept she had a weird nightmare last night that i was cheating on her, which i never have and never will. Basically i cant anyways. I havent spoken to her about what i did yet but she knows im on anti depressants and stuff, also she knows theres something on my mind. As for telling her bout me thinking of ending the relationship i dont want to bring it up until i know for sure that thats the right thing to do. She has always thought i was too good for her. I don't want to hurt her, we are very close and if i tell her that i need to end it cause of my problems she will take it personal... Bout 3 years ago i was clean from everything for about 12 months and my attitude towards life was good and my sex drive was comming back. I don't think she would wait that long, she is already making comments. I need to stay clean for atleast 12 months and if i do this i will have to do it alone. I cant see her waiting that long. I need to let her go, don't i ?
Loraura		#9	[-]
Posts: 6934 (05/28/08 18:20:23) Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Glad to hear you're going back to the doc. I hate when my doc lectures me, but sometimes he has really good points that I need to hear. He's always right. It just takes me time to realize that on some things! I trust him. That's important. If I were you, I'd be completely honest with the GF about the relapse, about the sex, how you feel about her, everything. That way she has all the information she needs to make the best choice for herself. Then you won't have to second guess what choice to make for her, right? Plus you get the bonus of being completely honest with her and having no guilt to carry around about it. No secrets. That's what successful relationships are about! The worst that could happen is she decide after getting all that information, that she's not in it for the long haul. That's no worse than having let her go without letting her have all the facts.
Chocka		#10	[-]
Posts: 64 (05/28/08 23:24:26) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Ok im bout to jump in the shower and then im going over to my GF house for dinner. Later tonight i'm going to tell her whats going on and what i did. Also my sister is taking me out to dinner tomorrow night and she is giving me this other Doc details who may be able to help me. So wish me luck and i'll get back to you guys when i can...cheers
keepitsimpleforme		#11	[-]
Posts: 273 (05/29/08 05:45:12) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I agree with lolaura. And, honestly, if she's not in it for the long haul -- well, you're not losing much, right? You want a girlfriend in your life who will love you (if you guys are using the "L" word) for YOU. Accept you for who you are. You're giong through alot and if she can't deal -- then you're better off.
Chocka		#12	[-]
Posts: 65 (05/29/08 17:54:43) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Ok guys i gotta be quick cause i got a Dr appointment. Last night i told her everything and she was upset then i told her i think we should end it and she got even more upset. We talked for hours and she said that sex doesnt matter and she is there for me no matter what. So she wanted me to stay with her last night so i did and this morning i told her i regretted what i said and i don't want to end the relationship. So i spose we'll just see how things go. I said sorry to her like a hundred time for messing with her head. I just told her i don't want to hurt you. Anyways i'll be staying with her all weekend and i'll get back to you guys when i can.
Loraura		#13	[-]
Posts: 6957 (05/29/08 18:37:10) Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Sounds like a relief. Now the truth is out there and you know she chooses to be with you knowing all the facts! I think you made a very wise choice.
oaklandathletic		#14	[-]
Posts: 131 (05/29/08 21:56:11) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Good for you for coming clean....Hope the Dr. Appt. went well........ Take care, Paul
Penel0pe		#15	[-]
Posts: 6746 (05/30/08 08:09:42) Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	LeGrumps wrote an excellent thread about how much exercise helps with all of the ugliness of meth withdrawal, and that has been my experience too. I wish I would have done that earlier in my own recovery, but I didn't until I was into my third year of being clean. I was shocked at how much better I felt just doing some exercise (For me, it was going to a gym and using the cardio equipment for a half hour to an hour a day, four to five days a week.) I got to lose some of this stupid weight I gained after I stopped using meth, it helped tremendously with some pain problems that I have, and the added bonus - I felt better emotionally, too. I didn't expect that - you always hear that about excercise - and I know that it's true now. See if that helps... it can't hurt, right?
The Warden		#16	[-]
Posts: 112 (05/30/08 08:41:42) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	What she said ^ The doc put me on a plethora of coo-coo meds but I honestly didn't find any relief until I exercised almost everyday. I can take wellbutrin and prozac till the cows come home however, I only feel human after a jog. I think it's probably the general consensus that nothing can work better for depression than some exercise.
keepitsimpleforme		#17	[-]
Posts: 279 (05/31/08 04:50:56) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	It always feels SO GOOD to just be honest. Glad things went well.
Chocka		#18	[-]
Posts: 66 (05/31/08 19:27:10) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Your dead right about excercise, i used to do the whole gym thing and i felt great after each session, plus its a huge self esteem booster...I really need to get back there cause my membership is just ticking away..Also i work in a psyical kinda job so that helps too. Goin back to work tomorrow and its gonna kill me.. I got a few things i need to do. 1.Stay off drugs 2.Quit smoking 3.Go back to the gym 4.Get rid of some stuff 5.Go talk to someone bout my problems I think that will do for now. Anyways you guys have been great...Thanks

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Been a long time. NEED HELP

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