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Ok, this may just be for me but .....

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robertborges		#21	[-]
Posts: 101 (05/15/08 14:51:48) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	this could be my wifes topic in here if she was looking for answers and why she has put up with me and this bouncing ball for years. she has learned not to be an enabler.she is a codependent along with here pt addiction.but my addiction is worse to her because of the quick downward spirral that comes with it.I consider myself lucky to have her,things i dont do though.I dont steal from us.Not tru i do spend money we dont have scratch that.I do ignore her when im on it to a certain extent.Thats because of the quilt and shame i feel.I quess she sees me battling against myself if that makes any sense. I do still handle most of my responsabilities.Not as well as i would being sober.but i do all i can to make up for everything when im not using.But even the jeckle and hyde thing is waring teri out.If there is no sighn of giving that sht up from him.its over.same will happen to me.but i do love teri more then drugs.and my girls and grandson.Why do bad things happen to good people.
starr4two		#22	[-]
Posts: 123 (05/15/08 15:26:18) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I think a big part of not being able to move forward is closure. When you lose a loved one to meth addiction, there is no closure. It's like one day everything is wonderful and you are totally happy and then suddenly the rug is pulled out right from under you, and your are just left standing there wondering where in the h&ll did the rug go? Sometimes meth addicts recover like so many of the wonderful people on this sight, and sometimes they don't. We, as those who love them, just have to decide how much of our time were going to spend trying to figure which way they are going to go. I know how hard it is to completely sever that tie, I left my back door unlocked for years because I wanted him to know he could always come home, that I still loved him. I think it OK to still love him, but now I love me and my kids first, because he definitely doesn't have our best interest at heart. USE THE DEADBOLT
sotired		#23	[-]
Posts: 93 (05/15/08 15:37:40) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Of course, this awakening came after I'd finally accepted that We were Over. ok, luv, I'm going to cry....... I'm pretty sure that this is my problem too. So much of my pride. I can't believe that he'd give up everything that we've been through. I just cannot get it that I have stuck through the "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health" BETTER (maybe some wouldn't agree that that is the right word) than some people - and he chooses drugs over that. Over me. And, Robert, I'm so glad you posted something. I have read your posts but didn't really know how to respond to anything - until now (haha) I'm glad that you consider yourself lucky to have her. And, my ex probably wouldn't admit what he is doing is stealing, either. He needs it and that's it. Yes, I completely understand how she sees you battling against yourself. I see my ex struggling - he had a dad that also drank and I believe did drugs (who died in alley by himself) that had the "macho" mexican persona and a mom who, although is very strong, is also extremely gentle who says it's ok for a man to cry. I see my ex struggling to be like him but then fighting because he's really like her. Like I know sometimes he wants to ask for help - but instead he says NO I can do it myself. Robert, please, please don't take this as a criticism to you -- but I do have a question for you -- You say that you still handle most of your responsibilities, you mention that you do ignore her to a certain extent. Is that how you really see it? I don't know you and I don't really know how much you use - but I ask because my ex also believes that he takes care of things. He thought when he was "spinning his wheels" and staying at work for 15 hours (but only getting paid for eight hours) that he was handling his responsibilities. He thought because he came home and started to criticize and order me around (because he was so irritable) or he would be home but would be in the garage all day - meant that he wasn't ignoring me or the kids. So, I'm just asking. From what I noticed loved ones and addicts see it 2 different ways. BUT I'm so glad that you responded. I know you are going through some things right now - but by being here you are not only helping yourself - you are helping us loved ones who just DON'T understand what's going on. I can tell you have a heart. I can tell you really don't want to hurt your family. I'm hoping that's the same with my ex - because he may not want to hurt us BUT he really is. Last Edited By: sotired 05/15/08 15:40:52. Edited 1 times.
sotired		#24	[-]
Posts: 94 (05/15/08 15:39:44) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I think a big part of not being able to move forward is closure. When you lose a loved one to meth addiction, there is no closure. It's like one day everything is wonderful and you are totally happy and then suddenly the rug is pulled out right from under you, and your are just left standing there wondering where in the h&ll did the rug go? Sometimes meth addicts recover like so many of the wonderful people on this sight, and sometimes they don't. We, as those who love them, just have to decide how much of our time were going to spend trying to figure which way they are going to go. I know how hard it is to completely sever that tie, I left my back door unlocked for years because I wanted him to know he could always come home, that I still loved him. I think it OK to still love him, but now I love me and my kids first, because he definitely doesn't have our best interest at heart. USE THE DEADBOLT Yikes -- yes, yes - that's me! - or maybe it should be
keepitsimpleforme		#25	[-]
Posts: 256 (05/16/08 05:08:12) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	My Addict X CAN rebuild his life but only when he quits trying to save the shytty one he has addicted to meth. It IS a lifestyle. My husband loves it. That is why I have serious doubts of his staying clean. It's not just about his drug use. It's a whole group of addicts, thieves, dealers that he hangs out with. They steal, use, steal, use, trade, pawn, use.........you get the picture. And, he's alllllllllllllll about that lifestyle. So, he is being given the "tools" to get clean and live a SOBER (not abstinent) life. But, he's going ot have to make some big "lifestyle" changes too. I'm tired of feeling like my life is boring and "no fun". That's how he made me feel. He woke up - took a shower and wanted to know "what's next? what's next?" I'm thinking ---- uh - breakfast, play with the kids and maybe a nap? Softball game? Watch a movie? But, for him it was the constant go, go, go ---------- tear something up, break something down, etc. It's an exhausting existence.
keepitsimpleforme	Great post!!!	#26	[-]
Posts: 257 (05/16/08 05:10:45) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	That's EXACTLY how I feel!!!! Where'd the rug go???? And, yes, using deadbolts now. starr4two wrote: I think a big part of not being able to move forward is closure. When you lose a loved one to meth addiction, there is no closure. It's like one day everything is wonderful and you are totally happy and then suddenly the rug is pulled out right from under you, and your are just left standing there wondering where in the h&ll did the rug go? Sometimes meth addicts recover like so many of the wonderful people on this sight, and sometimes they don't. We, as those who love them, just have to decide how much of our time were going to spend trying to figure which way they are going to go. I know how hard it is to completely sever that tie, I left my back door unlocked for years because I wanted him to know he could always come home, that I still loved him. I think it OK to still love him, but now I love me and my kids first, because he definitely doesn't have our best interest at heart. USE THE DEADBOLT
keepitsimpleforme		#27	[-]
Posts: 258 (05/16/08 05:24:02) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	So tired -- hey girl! I have found that it's a "grieving process". Truly. People on here told me that and I wouldn't listen. But, sadly, it's true. You have to grieve the LOSS of what was. You HAD a relationship with him that was wonderful. That relationship is no more. Now what you have is sad, frightening, infuriating, depressing. You are left with the scraps of what was and he's "out there" somewhere. I feel for the addicts for what they're going through and I also feel for the loved ones for what they're going through. Both suck. Bad. You have to TRY and face the reality that he's not who he was. He could be that man again. But, then again, he may not. I was VERY ANGRY when I went through this process. I'm still angry. I've lost my sense of humor about it. As you can tell from alot of my posts lately. Some of the recovering addicts on here have enough sober time they can be somewhat "light hearted" about it. I'm not to that point yet. I'm angry that my husband did this to our family. I'm angry that I'm having to sit in limbo because he's (again) in rehab. And, I KNOW he's not going to want to stay an additional 6 months. He's going to say he's all better and when can he come home? Well, he's not coming home after only 6 weeks there. He's either going to live at a half-way house for atleast 6 months or he's going to do an additional 6 months there. I'm angry that I will have to once again be the "bad guy" and tell him no. I feel like I'm alwyas telling him no. No, you can't stay here tonight (because he's high). No, I don't want to see you (because he's high). No, I don't want to talk to you (because he's high). No, you can't see the baby (because he's high). No, I DON'T like who you are right now (because he's high). That's basically what our relationship had become --- him trying to get back "in" with me and me telling him "no".

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