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Hurting for YOU	Syd	#11	[-]
Posts: 514 (05/08/08 11:57:04) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	caligirlsyd wrote: 2 years ago I was working my first full time corporate job in a shipping department, had a boyfriend of 3 years, lived with my father after my mothers passing, and although everything wasn't what I would have liked it was an ok, sane life. My boyfriend was very against drugs, drinking, smoking and anything that could be bad for your body or fun in any way (except junk food). In walks the love of my life. I have always teased him: "of all the shipping departments in all the world you had to walk into MINE!" One of the most handsome, smart, funny, caring men you have ever seen. He had a 8 year old daughter and had been married for 13 years, he fought constantly with his wife. We started hanging out and smoking pot on our lunch breaks together, talking about anything under the sun and complaining about how our significant others were no fun. We began having an affair. Then I left my boyfriend, then he left his wife. He moved into my neighborhood to be close to me, I moved in with him. In May of 2006 we went to a party and then were going to drive down the coast to go out drinking, he handed me a bottle of Starbucks coffee and said "there is a line of speed in there, if you wanna try it. If not thats ok too..." "I had no idea you did speed", (thinking speed destroyed my sister, how do you have it so together) "Yeah sometimes, for fun" was the reply. Well I had never tried it, and it was in my favorite coffee, and looked harmless enough so I drank it all. I only remember parts of that night, to be honest I only remember parts of the past 2 years and he still will bring up things I have done or said that were so funny and I am always so surprised that he remembers, because I don't. From May of 2006 to January 2008 I worked my azz off to keep up with him, match him line for line to prove I was better than his wife who hated the shyt, prove I was the cool girlfriend. It ended when we were on the floor screaming at each other, ripping each others hair out and hitting each other, all in a fight that started with some stupid comment I made about meth sex. I couldn't do it anymore, this drug had made me sick since I started (it reacted with the lexapro I was on and made my tongue swell in my mouth). I had found this site when I googled the word "meth" and had been lurking for a month when in Feb. I went into chat and met the 3 people I talk to most: jg1985, fishslyper and Savannah, they helped save me. He continued for another month and then ran outta money, the last time he used was valentines day... He really loves this drug and doesn't want to stop, but has seen that if he continues he will lose me. Life is a lot more sane now, and I have seen that clean of meth he is a great guy. But we all have choices we make and seeing as I am in the middle of hell and not at the edges of it I can't tell you what will happen next in the story. All I know now is that I love this man, meth is not for me, he may never stop and I will stay as long as I can. Thank you all for reading my little story of speed. Now you all know me a little better! First all Syd, I am so sorry to hear of your mother;s passing. I can't imagine how that felt or feels to this day. I am sorry that meth has destroyed your siter. Reading your meth hell story has brought a new prespective to me today. I have been battling feeling sorry for Katie.....poor poor lil' Katie (actually not so lil') but I have been looking for something to snap me out of this crap! Guess what your story has made me see some light today!........Thank you I can not believe that I take time to feel sorry for myself when I know KNOW that I could be right where YOU were within your grips of hell with meth. I am thankful that I went to chat that day and met you! I am thankful that you have found out that meth hell is NOT for you. I am thankful that your MR. Wonderful is seeing that life without meth is much better than Life without YOU. I too have become very fond of the three people you mentioned, Fish, jg1985, and Savannah. ( Savannah is really on my mind lately and I am lifting her up to God for the peace of pain she so deserves)........that is the thing I love about this site is the friendships that are built and the bond we have that no other can wedge between us. Syd.......You are on the right track girl.........keep on truckin as LadyofWisdom says! Hugs, Katie P.S. as far as the REST of my story.........I do PM people when I feel that part needs to be shared, I am NOT ashamed of that story at all. but I do feel the need to protect other's feelings! I do look forward to the day that I can share the rest of my story for the world to know because it has a very happy ending!
Hurting for YOU	Jazzmin	#12	[-]
Posts: 515 (05/08/08 12:02:11) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Jazzmin1951 wrote: I just joined this site this past week.....and I for one am NOT shy...And...I take the hammering as people who've been there/done that...caring enough to keep on me so that I WILL WAKE UP! Because I've been in such denial with my addict son...and have enabled him so much that it is making ME miserable. As long as I know they are doing it with love/caring...then I'm okay Jazzmin, I am so glad that you are NOT shy and see that when people may disagree with you...........they are only looking out for your best interest. As far as being in denial........I think that is totally natural..........we all go through that one someone we love is harming themself. I hope that you continue to come here and know how to handle your son and more importantlly help YOU feel better. I am sorry that you had to find this site due to your son's addiction though. Hugs, Katie
keepitsimpleforme	Hey Gina	#13	[-]
Posts: 229 (05/08/08 12:17:45) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	It's been too long that we've talked/emailed! What a story. I hope you're doing ok these days. PM me if you want to talk. I know how you feel about not knowing how to "not" love them. But, I am finding out that my "love" for mine has changed somewhat. It's not that desperate, gutwrenching feeling anymore. (which I am thankful for). I have learned to back off a little bit when things start looking bad.
extweekerbell		#14	[-]
Posts: 1 (05/08/08 13:15:25) Newcomer! Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Katie, I was glad to see your post it gave me the nudge I needed to post. I have been coming to this site for several years but I usually read. I am a 40 yr. old recovering meth addict. I was an i.v. user since I was 19. I have way too many horror stories to go into but I will say that meth has taken everything from me at least once. I'm an only child from a good christian home. I was not abused or molested and I sometimes refer to my parents as June and Ward of the new millinium. I'm not sure where I went wrong but when I did I let it consume my life. My love affair with meth and the needle took my homes, my cars, my jobs the trust from my loved ones the respect of my children and every part of my soul. In 2004 I got arrested for possession and did a stint in jail then was sentenced to rehab. I was clean from Feb. 2005 to Nov. 2005 then I relapsed for about a 1 year long meth run that could have destroyed everything that I had worked so hard to rebuild but I got lucky, the only thing that I really lost was a job. I was able to get clean again and I have been clean now since Jan. 2007. I can't say that there aren't days that I want to use, there are. It was my way of life it was all that I knew. I am so grateful to God that I am able to say I am clean today and I will continue to take one day at a time to stay that way. Kelli
Loraura		#15	[-]
Posts: 6782 (05/08/08 13:22:01) Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Welcome Kelli!!
Hurting for YOU		#16	[-]
Posts: 519 (05/08/08 13:30:14) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	extweekerbell wrote: Katie, I was glad to see your post it gave me the nudge I needed to post. I have been coming to this site for several years but I usually read. I am a 40 yr. old recovering meth addict. I was an i.v. user since I was 19. I have way too many horror stories to go into but I will say that meth has taken everything from me at least once. I'm an only child from a good christian home. I was not abused or molested and I sometimes refer to my parents as June and Ward of the new millinium. I'm not sure where I went wrong but when I did I let it consume my life. My love affair with meth and the needle took my homes, my cars, my jobs the trust from my loved ones the respect of my children and every part of my soul. In 2004 I got arrested for possession and did a stint in jail then was sentenced to rehab. I was clean from Feb. 2005 to Nov. 2005 then I relapsed for about a 1 year long meth run that could have destroyed everything that I had worked so hard to rebuild but I got lucky, the only thing that I really lost was a job. I was able to get clean again and I have been clean now since Jan. 2007. I can't say that there aren't days that I want to use, there are. It was my way of life it was all that I knew. I am so grateful to God that I am able to say I am clean today and I will continue to take one day at a time to stay that way. Kelli Kelli, Thank you for posting. I hope to hear more of your story in time to come. Congratulations on your staying clean since Jan. 2007. ONE day at a time is a great way to handle any situation, expecting anything more, set one up for failure from the get go. I have learned this the hard way. I am sorry that you have had so much taken away from you due to the madness of meth. I am on the other hand so GLAD that you are here and that you are able to finally start reaching out and telling your story so no only may we help you.........but so that your story may help someone else. It sounds like you are on the right track Kelli and I hope and pray that everything that has been taken from you will one day be restored times 100. I will be looking forward to more post from you my friend. Hugs, Katie
TenderheartsKS		#17	[-]
Posts: 1407 (05/08/08 14:40:44) Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Kelli, welcome to KCI, and thanks for posting. I too was an IV meth user. The longer you hang in recovery, the less often you will have those days you want to use but don't

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