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Well, he had a court hearing yesterday that I was told I didn't have to go to. He lied to teh Judge and said he had paid child support for April. No, he
hasn't. He left me a drunken vm last night saying he told the Judge he paid me and would pay me today. Yeah right! So, I get to go down to teh jail and
file ANOTHER contempt charge on him today during my lunch hour. Another court hearing. More bs. He just lies and plays everybody. So sick of it. Why
don't I just file for divorce???? He talks me out of it every time. I think I'm moving closer and closer to it though. He cares more about his car
stereo and partying with his friends than anything else.....
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He's playing me (just a vent)
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 keepitsimpleforme |
He's playing me (just a vent) |
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Posts: 190 (05/02/08 07:15:55) |
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Rocket57 |
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Posts: 394 (05/02/08 07:42:22) |
God, its just one trauma after another. Leave the guy already. He's a liar and a jerk. How much do you have to have happen? Leave him...he's getting
boring.
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Leonard30019 |
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Posts: 9 (05/02/08 07:47:43) |
Good to see you again Simple,
Easier said than done Rocket, You can see it your way but if you are not walking in Simple's shoes, than you have no idea.
Simple your time will come and your misery will end. Hang in there |
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vidaloca321 |
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Posts: 26 (05/02/08 07:51:43) |
wow, i'm pretty new here, but rocket57 was very blunt and rude. I thought people came on this board for help, knowledge and maybe a little comfort? at
least that's what i get out of it. the postings on here have helped me get through some rough moments in my life.
keepitsimpleforme: i don't know what to say other than that my thoughts and prayers are with you. take care of you and your babies. I learned that sometimes, you just got to let go and take care of yourself. |
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Rocket57 |
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Posts: 395 (05/02/08 07:53:09) |
I was rude? How so?
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vidaloca321 |
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Posts: 27 (05/02/08 08:00:00) |
Rocket57 wrote: by stating, "leave him. . . he's getting boring." simple came here for support. i've been in her shoes, probably still could be. and if received a message like that, i would think twice about coming here again. regardless, it is easier said than done. |
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Loraura |
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Posts: 6727 (05/02/08 08:03:58) Moderator |
"Why don't I just file for divorce????"
That's a good question for some serious thought, actually. I know you probably stated it in a rhetorical fashion, but really, it IS a good question to spend some time thinking about. Whenever we have the gut feeling that we are not doing the right thing, there is usually a reason we hang on to current behavior instead of going with the change we think is needed. |
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Rocket57 |
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Posts: 396 (05/02/08 08:05:53) |
What's more supportive than giving good advice. The guy's a liar and a jerk and she should leave him. Ongoing traumas weekly isn't the way to a
peaceful or happy life. I'm sure it IS easier said than done...that's why in no uncertain terms, she needs to hear it...LEAVE HIM. Yesterday.
She'll be better off. The kids will be better off. She can find a partner who will be a good spouse and father instead of the dramas she keeps having with
the lying deadbeat dad.
What's your idea of support? Saying "I understand, honey" and "It'll get better" only go so far. |
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luvepiphany |
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Posts: 7440 (05/02/08 08:06:23) Forum Star |
hi Rocket
don't worry, simple already knows him and has heard his take on these ongoing crap games-this has been going on for some time. It's like a slot machine, throwing out little wins just enough to keep you playin but you always go home spent I always think now about how much time I wasted ....sucks but it's the way it was luv |
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le grumps |
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Posts: 3393 (05/02/08 08:23:10) Forum Grouch |
Co-signed, Loraura.
KISFM, maybe you can write down what your real reservations are about getting a divorce? It doesn't have to be posted, but just an honest look at what is keeping you from making the step. Maybe you are still hoping deep down that things will still change? There is no shame in that. Maybe your husband is still very compelling when he talks you out of divorce? Makes sense. Maybe if you layed out all your honest reservations in front of you, and worked out each one with people you trust, you can give yourself that boost of strength to make the decision that will set you FREE from this madness. Of course it's easier said than done. I also know that you have what it takes to stand your ground, for YOURSELF and your child. |
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Leonard30019 |
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Posts: 10 (05/02/08 08:24:21) |
Simple is smart enough to know what needs to be done without anyone telling her what to do. She has hope that her husband will change his ways and see that his family is most important.
Will he (Who knows) Simple is playing the game of time to reach her destination. All she needs to understand is, she controls the length of time. No one else but her, so I say we stand by her during her time. |
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Hurting for YOU |
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Posts: 455 (05/02/08 08:52:19) |
Vidaloca.................Rocket is not rude. He is a really great guy that comes here day after day and sees Simple's post.
He just was trying to support Simple and show her what is like on the outside of that little black box she is in. Think of it like this: Someone trapped inside of little black box.............people on the outside can see in, but the person trapped inside can not see out" Rocket happens to be on the outside of the box and can see in an see all the repeative things that are going on. Simple loves her man.............no doubt.................but Simple can NOT change him. She can only change how she views things. It is so easy to get caught up in the moment of all the bull crap meth puts out there. Not only does it effect the addict it effects the loved one is on the outside of that box looking in...................they can't seemed to make the person inside that box see the reality of things..........it hurts and it hurts real bad................therefore causing pain suffering and resentment. The best thing a loved one can do is to go get help themself. That doesn't mean you are weak................it means that you are (through your actions) showing the addict................I can do it! I can work on me! I Won't let your addiction destroy me any longer. And when you do go to Al-anon or a support group like Al-anon you will be amazed at the things that benefit you that you had no idea exsisted. Things that you didn't go to get, but Bonuses that will help you through life. Like Leonard says...............it will have to happen in Simple's time, when she is ready. But until then she will need to vent and have people there to just listen. Sometimes we find the true meaning of our problems by talking them out. Sometimes this takes others longer that some. Some just get it................to each his own! I just want to say that hanging in there with a meth addict is tough..........real tough............but if you can work on you to be able to handle what comes along with the bumpy ride.................YOU can make it. You will go through hell and back..........and it will be rough........just like it is for the addict...........but if the true person lying under that mask of meth hell is worth fighting for..............get your amo packed fully ( my amonition is al-anon) and you can do this by working on you and redirecting your anger, hurt, sadness.........and all that is bad. Simple............hang in there girl...............you will find the right path to take. |
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keepitsimpleforme |
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Posts: 191 (05/02/08 09:17:46) |
I hate that my posts always get all this negative attention!
I went and got a copy of the compliant order. He basically wrote a check made out to me (which I'll never see). The Judge made a copy of it. I'm going next week to get the child support done through Child Support Enforcement. That way I don't have to deal with it. Or be the bad guy who puts him in jail when he doesn't pay it. I also spoke with the DV victim's advocate yesterday. She told me to STOP talking to him (which I'm going to) and stick to the TPO. He is attending DV classes every Saturday from 8am-9:30am (bet that is cutting in to his partying). She said he's not supposed to be drinking, etc. while on the program. I told her I did not believe he was "clean". She said they would test him tomorrow. I wish they would if only for something to maybe wake him up. He is just on such a downward spiral... Yes, when I've had enough I'll file. I guess I haven't had enough yet. I keep hoping he will come around. But, my little flame of hope gets smaller and smaller as time goes by. Rocket - I'm bored with it too. Trust me. Some days I don't know WHY I keep hanging on to the hope. And, thanks everyone for your wisdom. It really means alot to me. I am going to find an alanon meeting and start going. I'm also going back to church this weekend. I need to focus on ME and my kids. For once I am going to *truly* give my addict to God. He's not mine to fix. I do love him but he is proving (over and over and over again) that he's sick and not in his right mind to do ANY of this I keep expecting of him.
Last Edited By: keepitsimpleforme
05/02/08 09:21:27.
Edited 1 times.
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Loraura |
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Posts: 6730 (05/02/08 09:29:44) Moderator |
There is nothing wrong with yout posts, KISFM. It's just a touchy subject that many people feel pasionately about. Just like watching an addict suffer
addiction, it's difficult watching a loved one suffer, too.
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luvepiphany |
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Posts: 7441 (05/02/08 11:01:26) Forum Star |
Yeah, like I said, I wasted so much of my time trying
it sucks because I can't get that time back but it was the way it was for a reason so I could learn what works for me and what doesn't. When I ask myself daily, "Hows this workin for me?" I can waste less time. I learned that in alanon and other 12 step programs.. Keeping my own inventory is probably the greatest thing i do for me to keep moving forward and staying in the present hence, I waste less and less of my time trying to make things and people do what I think they should and spend and more of my time makiing my life and the life of my kid at home better and more happily memorable. Everyone here is perfectly capable of taking what they want and leaving the rest. It's a fact that people are all different Thank God luv |
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