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Help!! Why do I feel guilty?????????

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itsmekathi		#11	[-]
Posts: 10 (04/25/08 12:00:37) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I'm glad I read this... My son is 17 & got picked up for sittin in a park smoking pot & unpaid traffic tickets @ 5 a.m. this morning... The real kicker is I gave him the money to pay the tickets. He gave me all but $20 back & said he was $9.00 short & was gonna just sit it out. He had my damn ATM card. He is also on bond from another pot charge about a month ago, in which I had bonded him out. He cried like a baby that time. I prepared him for this time because I told him what to expect & told him he made this choice & when he gets picked up, to just hold his head up & sit it out like a man. Well he is calling crying like a baby again. They are giving him phone privledges no one else has, just to shut him up. He quit school, quit his job and has been walking around like a zombie, because he is stoned all the time. I don't want to put my son out on the street @ 17, so hopefully this jail experience will open his eyes. I feel partially responsible because I have been dealing with my meth addicted, live in boyfriend turning my life upside down & recently going to jail and not focusing on my son. My son will soon be transferred to the same county jail as my boyfriend. Now I will have 2 of them 17yo & 48 yo begging and pleading to get out. I plan to let them both sit there. My son will only be there for 3 or 4 days and I hope it will help him realize he doesn't want to grow up to be like my boyfriend.
djmom11		#12	[-]
Posts: 541 (04/25/08 12:17:03) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	As a parent it is hard. We want to fix are kids and make everything better. We feel guilty if we do too much and guilty if we don't do enough. Your son has to learn from his mistakes and if you bail him out that won't help. He has to take responsibilites for his own actions. Personally I would probably write the letter, but it depends. I remember when we had to call the police on my daughter and she went to juvenile hall. On the first visiting day we were there to see her and she was so angry at us. It tore my heart out. And when you see your child in chains it tears your heart out too. But then you know that you did not do this to them, they chose to do this. You learn that you did not cause this. It can be so confusing cause your told on one hand you did not cause it, you can not cure it, and you can not control it; but then on the other hand you are told that the way you as a parent are may have contributed to your child's drug usage. UGH - but you know, I know I am not a perfect parent, that I did things wrong, and perhaps had I been different things may have been a little bit better. One never knows, but I only know that I have learned to let go of the guilt. I accept who I was and who I am. I strive to make myself better. This is what you need to do, is make yourself better.
peg59		#13	[-]
Posts: 69 (04/25/08 13:00:27) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	That is what I feel so bad about, I know now that I have contributed to his drug habit. I kept thinking Oh he will come around. I don't know how long it will take my husband or myself to forgive ourselves. He is so angry at us, it is hard to let go. But I just cannot deal with the drugs or drinking any more. I thought about wirting a letter, but am afraid if I say the wrong thing, it will only make things worse. He goes back to court on May 2 and I don't know whether to go to that or not. I am in a state of not knowing what to do. Issmekathi, he started out smoking pot about 17 , then advanced to the harder drugs, now meth, pot, drinking, cocaine, anything to get high on. Is a nitemare. Hopefully your son will realize he does not want a life in jail. I am afraid, that mine is going back to prison.
Loraura		#14	[-]
Posts: 6676 (04/25/08 13:20:11) Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Here's what works for me when I hae a decision to make that I feel anxious and uncertain about. 30 minutes, sitting quietly, in a room by myself, with no tv, radio, phone, computer, dog, cat, ferret, child or husband. The first 20 minutes probably are spent just getting all the noise in my head to quiet down to a dull roar so I can get some clarity on the next right thing to do concerning my decision to be made. Sometimes I have to do this more than once. But when I can get quiet and still, and relax, the right answers come to me, and I no longer have to carry around the anxiety.

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