She is in jail,,,and still ROTTEN.....

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whylie2us	She is in jail,,,and still ROTTEN.....	Lead	[-]
Posts: 14 (04/19/08 14:34:10) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	This is just a vent !!! The addict whom was the reason I came here to your wonderful, helpful site is now in jail. Although her visit there will be less then 1 year I just dont get "her" and her family. Why on earth would "Her" parent "bridge" her continual wrong doings and her quest to ruin her childrens lives? Honestly it seems like brain washing of young children,,into thinking she is WONDERFUL even from jail. Little did we know that when you go to jail, you have telephone usage every single day....this is shocking. We thought once she was no longer able to use meth in jail, that maybe....just maybe she would turn her life around and deal in a world of reality. NOPE....she was rotten when she was on meth,,,rotten when she got caught by the police...and still rotten even in jail. Any thoughts????? Thanks for the vent.
Hurting for YOU		#1	[-]
Posts: 336 (04/19/08 15:02:00) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	whylie2us wrote: Why on earth would "Her" parent "bridge" her continual wrong doings and her quest to ruin her childrens lives? Honestly it seems like brain washing of young children,,into thinking she is WONDERFUL even from jail. We thought once she was no longer able to use meth in jail, that maybe....just maybe she would turn her life around and deal in a world of reality. Any thoughts????? Thanks for the vent. I am not sure who she is to you and why you let her effect you in a negative way. I am hate that you are a victum of life of addiction. For some parents, who are not educated on addiction or in her case "meth addiction"............it is much easier to just be the enabler or be in denial. As far as her not being able to use meth in jail..............this will come as a shocker, but don't kid yourself..........it is there too! As far as any thougthts..........what as worked for me is al-anon. I recommend you find a meeting in your area and get there soon. The sooner the better. Hang around here and continue to educate yourself................for me it has been al-anon and KCI together to help me better understand. Good luck, Katie
luvepiphany		#2	[-]
Posts: 7179 (04/19/08 15:45:09) Forum Star Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Hi wylie2us, please explain about "Her" "parent" and what's up. There are a lot of newer people who would be interested in how it's all going for you. I really doubt that there is meth in county jails much and if there is, It's nearly Priceless. Prison, a cigarette is worth soooo much and to get drugs you usually have to be pretty danged special and stupid. I know that many of the meth addicts sitting in jail are not doing anything towards recovery. In most jails in the US, meetings, chaplains and counselors are voluntary and whoever will accept a collect call will get them. My addict x has been in jail since January and I haven't heard of any signs that he's doing any recovering or planning on making any amends...... it sounds like he is just still very angry-angry enough at the world to not feel comfortable contacting/writing me(for which I am grateful). Very few meth addicts go through their "awakening" in county jails but some do and miracles happen every day. luv
whylie2us		#3	[-]
Posts: 15 (04/19/08 17:41:56) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Thanks everyone for sending a note back to me. We are in counseling, and trust me we are trying to get "thru" everything. Please forgive me for being evasive about the "whos and whats". To make a comment about the addicts mother and "that" side of the family--- Katie, YOU are right on 100percent.They have enabled her for years, and still do it even when she is in JAIL. Sadly there are children envolved and they are pre-teens, the children are in denial also because the addicts side of the family is pretending everything is ok,,,mom is just away in jail for a little while,,,and THEN life will be back to normal when she gets out "dont worry chidlren they tell them" HOW "NOT" normal is that??? Or is it normal??? When a "part" of a family is involved with any addicition---the entire family is involved. Just not a selected few who will enable the addict. Does that make sense to any of you??? It does effect the children deeply. When I gently try to talk to them (the children) they just look at me with that "deer in the head light-glaze" in their eyes.--and when a child of a meth addict thinks their parent is a Good Mom...something is clearly wrong. It is my understanding that you can not be a good mom when on meth,,,try as you might the two just do not go together. I never said addicts do not love their children because I am sure they do. And who am I to judge what a mother feels...I am one too and I would never want anyone to take my feelings of love for my children from me. Katie, I think it is Katie,,I could only wish the addict in jail that I am writting about would NEVER write. Oddly that isjust how I feel. Some others on the outside pray to get letters, I am sure. Please forgive me for not opening up more about the connection between the Meth addict/that side of the family and myself. I just do not feel "safe" yet as there is still a open case with the children "still out there". What I am trying to work on for myself is this: TO understand I did not create this mess, , but I AM involved in the aftermath of Meth. I can not control what she has done, what she continues to do, and what she may do in the future. I can only control and protect my family and I can also do my best to protect the innocent children involved. My job is to make sure that they have outstanding counseling and that I remain a steady, honest, straightforward , loving and tender to them. It is my obligation to the children to be the example for them that they have never had before. However the part of this that stinks for me,,,is when the "otherside" is telling the children ====WE are the ones that are hurting them. Sad, but true. Has anyone ever delt with a family that enables the addict,,,and POOH POOHS the ones that are trying to help???? I am ready to pull out my hair.. Ahhh the Senerity Poem is needed now Katie,,,I will seek out the meetings that you suggested.............our counselor is wonderful, but I think being around other family memebers/friends going thru the same thing would be wonderful support. I have missed being on here,,,these past few months but we have been up to our ears with this. Thanks again
luvepiphany		#4	[-]
Posts: 7183 (04/19/08 18:31:18) Forum Star Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Has anyone ever delt with a family that enables the addict,,,and POOH POOHS the ones that are trying to help???? I am ready to pull out my hair.. When a "part" of a family is involved with any addicition---the entire family is involved. Just not a selected few who will enable the addict. Does that make sense to any of you??? Yes, and yes. That's where I got my standard greeting for loved ones that I meet. "When meth addiction is in the midst, everything is -AbNormal, even the non-addicts" Or "Meth addiction is a family dis-ease". Or, "The insanity of meth addition is catchy even to the ones that Know It". I think it's like a virus and you can be in any stage of the virus and still be sick. Some are sicker than others and some are just a little sick in little ways but everyone gets sick and everyone needs to recover. If you haven't found that alanon or naranon meeting yet....now would be a great time. I feel like when the addict is in jail is the absolute best time to really work on recovering our sanity and our lives. It makes it sooooo much easier to breathe and there is really so much less drama if we can keep from letting it reach us. I know that I can Not answer the phone, Not communicate with the addict's family or other addict pals/beotches except when my safety is threatened(hence, the notifying of the family that the addict is communicating with people to threaten me). But other than safety needs, I have absolutely no need or right to stick my nose into the addict's business and it didn't help before so why should it help now? Now, that's my situation and it took me a lot of recovery work to really see my situation and the things I could control. whylie2us, it's wonderful that you've found a path to recovery in the way you deal with the children and support them and yourself taking care of the most important things. Good Job! luv
Rocket57		#5	[-]
Posts: 384 (04/20/08 07:25:27) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Rotten people are rotten on drugs and rotten off drugs.
oaklandathletic		#6	[-]
Posts: 21 (04/20/08 07:41:02) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Coda meeting are good too.....I sure have learned a bunch about myself and why I seem to enable others.....Good luck to you and your family.....The other side is only being enablers...I think you are doing the right thing....the poor kids...the Innocent victims.......how I pray for them......It rips me apart to think of the children..they are so loving and pure....... Good luck to you and the children..... Paul
luvepiphany		#7	[-]
Posts: 7204 (04/20/08 07:48:07) Forum Star Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Rocket, I don't think anyone is All Rotten and I don't think you do either. Perhaps you meant, "Rotting people are rotting on drugs and rotting off drugs" well, maybe I'm wrong, but the Rocket I know sees something good in everyone. luv
TenderheartsKS		#8	[-]
Posts: 1229 (04/20/08 10:27:28) Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I didn't think there could be anything more painful than to have an addicted spouse. It wasn't until years later that I began to truly understand what I had put my own parents through, and why they continued to enable me. When I finally had to accept that my oldest daughter was indeed an addict/alcoholic, it became clear to me why things are so often as they are with the entire family of an addict. You see, accepting my oldest was addicted surely spoke volumes of my parenting skills, and I couldn't deal with the guilt and pain, so denial was the only way that I could deal with it for a long time. It was my coping mechanism because I couldn't face the pain. It wasn't until the denial hurt worse than the pain of acceptance that I finally dealt with it. In the process, I had to acknowledge my wrongdoing all those years she was around my addictions. I also had to acknowledge that she was now an adult, and the choices she made were of her own doing. I didn't cause her addiction, I couldn't control it, nor could I cure it. Today I sit here now with two adult children in the disease, and I'm working through the grief and the pain of letting go of my dreams for my youngest, not quite yet 20 years of age. She definitely didn't have as rough a go of it growing up as her older sister did, and yet she's made the choice to engage in active alcoholism/addiction. It's her journey to take, and I will not interfere.
whylie2us		#9	[-]
Posts: 17 (04/20/08 11:13:03) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I am reminded why I am here....to "hear" your stories and find a connection. I have taken so much from everyones stories---it really does help me. more later when I have some "me" time. THANK YOU
mlg		#10	[-]
Posts: 547 (04/20/08 15:34:40) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I finally had gotten strong enough to not even think about bailing my daughter out of jail when she ended up there. We were actually glad she was still alive...THEN, when we SAW her on that video, in jail, her body language was nothing minus the Exorcist. She was still so spun...That was when I finally had a revelation that I would never, never have a relationship with our daughter again until she embraced recovery...I let her know that. We still had to let go and let her bottom more, and she is finally IN recovery, doing very well. I cannot guarantee this will work for everyone. I just know that even when she was in jail, she was still very spooky and awful. Not our daughter. She had to go down more paths that finally woke herself out of her own stupor, we couldn't do it. She is beautiful and doing wonderfully now. I thank God every day she is healthy. She is our daughter again, it's amazing. Miracles can and do happen. My thoughts and prayers to all who are still suffering from loved ones OUT there. It is a pain that's indescribable, I know... mlg
forget suzette		#11	[-]
Posts: 13794 (04/21/08 12:15:06) Retro Space Cadet Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I'm gonna elaborate on rockets post... ....yeah, she must have been rotten, when she went to jail. NOw, she's IN JAIL, she can't use. Her body is threatening her to use... ......so she's threatening everyone else....hence, still rotten. I was rotton. smiles
whylie2us		#12	[-]
Posts: 18 (04/22/08 17:55:23) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Everyone here is just so wonderful !!! I respect all of your honestly and strong desire to be my window into a tunnel of darkness that only "we" can try to understand. I agree 100percent with the one poster who said she did not bail her daughter out of jail. What a horrific spot to be in as a parent. And yet, That was the first step needed for your daughter. And for your family too. It was wonderful to read that your daughter is moving forward. Tomorrow my "goal" is to contact our local services to see when and where I can sit in on a meeting for families of addicts. Like I said we are in counseling, however---I think the best thing is to be surrounded by families just like ours. Lastly to forgetsuzette, who made comment about "her" struggle in jail --thank you for trying to help me understand what it might be like. ...."she" has been threatening everyone for YEARS,,maybe she has been using for years. But forgetsuzette, you are not like that anymore correct? Was it only when you used? You know what,,,I honestly pray that the addict I write about takes this time to get better. BUT while she is in there WE need to take care of ourselves and the children, God willing. It is the children I fear may never get over this, and truely understand what happened is wrong. That is my burden right now. Thanks again.............
TenderheartsKS		#13	[-]
Posts: 1302 (04/22/08 19:09:56) Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	You know what,,,I honestly pray that the addict I write about takes this time to get better. BUT while she is in there WE need to take care of ourselves and the children, God willing. It is the children I fear may never get over this, and truely understand what happened is wrong. That is my burden right now. Taking care of self and the children is indeed a positive plan of action! As for the fear of the children never getting over it, please don't underestimate the power of prayer, and give that burden to God and leave it in his hands. My parents' prayers were answered, and I know their prayers were filled with desperation as they saw me withering away and merely existing. However, those prayers were answered in God's time, and not theirs because he knew exactly what I needed to go through before I dropped to my knees, finally gave up, and asked him for help. Anytime I find fear or worry creeping in, I literally close my eyes, envision God's loving hands reaching out to me, and I firmly place those fears/worry right into his hands. It really does help me ((((hugs))))
1tamtom		#14	[-]
Posts: 610 (04/22/08 20:00:53) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	heck some folks are just that way high or not,met quite a few, also known parents thats kids could do no wrong in their eyes they are just perfect,kid get caught stealing and dealing parents right there trying to lie the kid out of it.sometimes its just the way it is,dope isn't the only thing that can be blamed,weatherb right or wrong it just depends on everyone thoughts on it.
blueheart		#15	[-]
Posts: 336 (04/22/08 20:16:18) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I'm so sorry. It sounds like she wasn't ready to get help.... hasn't hit her bottom. But there certainly is hope for her. So she is in jail. The road to meth ends in jail, a mental ward or the cemetery. She is alive and there is hope. TenderheartsKS is right. Let go and let God. Take care of the kids. Take care of yourself. And please, seek wise counsel before you talk to the children about their mother's condition. It isn't fair you are pouring your pain and anger on their young innocent minds. They love their mother no matter what. She is ill and it will take time for her mind to begin to heal. It could be a year or two. As you can see from Suzette and many others here - there is great hope for your children's mother when she is ready. Pray and trust God. Her parents sound like my parents. Don't hate them - they just don't know. Perhaps you or someone can sit down and calmly explain to them that their denial and enabling is not helping but hurting her. I know you're hurt and anxious, but talking to them in anger doesn't help anything. The best thing you can all do is send her some literature on finding her higher power to find her way back to life. I didn't think there was hope for our son. He was a meth addict for 3 years and we refused to enable him. We all have our story to tell.... He finally went into prison rehab and has been clean now for 13 months. He is alive. He has a full-time job and is working his program one day at a time. Life certainly isn't perfect, but certainly beats the alternative. We thank God every day for answering our many prayers. Wishing you and everyone involved God's best. Last Edited By: blueheart 04/22/08 20:32:50. Edited 1 times.
forget suzette		#16	[-]
Posts: 13814 (04/22/08 21:38:30) Retro Space Cadet Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I was never in jail. ....just rotton. I lived on the streets of vegas... ....and would NOT go home. I knew there was no speed here! ......my mom was hysterical....I was unimpressed, and not understanding why me doing speed homeless in vegas......was a bother to her... .....a complete mystery to me. I called her "chicken little" to my friends......my sweet little mama. Carelessly, I threw away the love of the only momma I'm gonna get. ....no one loves me like mom. tears ROTTON. when I came to this speedless town, and I told my mom "I wanna die using because I can't live without it" ....tears poured....like i slapped her face. "how could you say that to me suzie?" ......so I came here. muah ahhha ahhhh! ......was I rotton KCI? ....oh yes. but after awhile... .....you kick a hole in the sky, and there ain't much else to do but calm down
donnaeve		#17	[-]
Posts: 654 (04/22/08 22:23:55) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	i feel what 'rocket'was saying is ya dont have to be a meth addict to be rotten or any kind of addict for that matter you can just be a rotten person,period [i may have misinterpreted . . my bad . . lol!]
Rocket57		#18	[-]
Posts: 387 (04/23/08 01:12:00) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Thank you.
Eve au naturel		#19	[-]
Posts: 313 (04/23/08 08:54:01) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I recall eras when I acted rotten. (And I wasn't always on drugs.) I was self centered and miserable. I couldn't stand the sound of my own name because everyone said it with such contempt. Half jokingly, I thought that I had to do drugs to be able to stand being in the same room with myself. I was always frowning or snarling even when I wasn't having conscious negative emotions. I hope through recovery & focusing on spirituality (not organized religion in my case) I can uncover the little light within me. The core of my being is not rotten. and--baring demonic possession--I don't think there are many people who are truly rotten at their core even if their actions and attitudes are so very crummy. I'm not trying to split words here or make things overly complicted. I see where Rocket and the others are coming from. This is just my 2 cents. I hope that, for the sake of the children, change happens with your addict and that some positive attitude and constructive behavior can shine through all that decay that she's wearing like iron. Last Edited By: Eve au naturel 04/23/08 09:08:27. Edited 1 times.

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She is in jail,,,and still ROTTEN.....

She is in jail,,,and still ROTTEN.....

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