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I agree with ya Niner.. A true friend to me has been a person that was there to Talk/listen/suggest/support ME to figure things out for my life, not take
control of the situation that is not theirs.. Or try to point the finger at me when all I have been doing is taking care of children and putting them first
like we are both suppose to do...
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 FSOAB |
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Posts: 1378 (04/14/08 07:45:31) Forum Friend |
Last Edited By: FSOAB
04/14/08 08:00:17.
Edited 1 times.
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le grumps |
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Posts: 3278 (04/14/08 07:53:44) Forum Grouch |
Thanks for the insight, niner.
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Loraura |
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Posts: 6529 (04/14/08 08:40:18) Moderator |
For some of us getting a TPO wasn't so much about keeping them away, but about getting them to take us seriously; a means of getting them to "snap out of it", as if they could. So in cases like you described, restraining orders are requested as a means of trying to control/change the behavior of another, rather than to insure their own safety. In which case, if the SO appears to have done some changing, the order is ignored, because that's what the requester actually wanted, rather than no contact. They wanted contact under their terms, and the TPO was just a tool used to try to achieve that. |
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luvepiphany |
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Posts: 7072 (04/14/08 08:51:17) Forum Star |
Trying to control another person in any way by any means is so futile....it just sucks.
Trying to get an addict to take me seriously took up so many years....and when he did take me seriously, he got mad. NOW, that he is taking me seriously, I AM afraid of him. Now, I'd rather let go and let God take him away...from me....if that's what is sposed to be. For me, it's all about keeping my life as balanced as possible in the midst of the meth addiction h3ll that I can't control or cure. Moving forward and trying to keep it as simple as possible. No one else has to do it the way I am doing it. KIS, you obviously have good friends you can communicate with and who are helping you through this tough time. and in turn, you will be able to help others when it is their turn. carrying the message of hope for recovery is all any of us can do luv |
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nineyearsclean |
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Posts: 7417 (04/14/08 10:06:36) Best Friend to KCI |
So in cases like you described, restraining orders are requested as a means of trying to control/change the behavior of another, rather than to
insure their own safety.
Both, actually. if the SO appears to have done some changing, the order is ignored, because that's what the requester actually wanted, rather than no contact. They wanted contact under their terms, and the TPO was just a tool used to try to achieve that. Exactly. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I did anything and everything I could to get him to snap out of it and pay attention to what was happening before it was too late. In the end, it didn't work. None of it. But how was I to know? |
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FSOAB |
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Posts: 1379 (04/14/08 10:18:17) Forum Friend |
But how was I to know
I think its really hard to know and see/think different when you have been raised to be a trusting, believing in people, everyone makes stupid mistakes thinking person.. It takes awhile to see that its a broken record, bad road and sick game after the same recurrences. |
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luvepiphany |
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Posts: 7079 (04/14/08 10:21:43) Forum Star |
I'm very thankful that this go around with an addict...meth addict, I've had this board and the 12 step programs and lots of recovery people to
help me through and support me. The first relationship with a meth addict/alcoholic caused so much misery for me and my kids and my friends and my family and the teachers at my kids school and the neighbors and my bank account and and and I had no one to talk to or bounce things off the wall on. Even if I don't like how other people have done things or I'm terribly sad for them, I still take in the fact that they are sharing their experience, strength and hope with me with love and kindness. I would NEVER try to SHAME anyone, or PUT ANYONE DOWN when they are going through the hardest times and I totally 100% resent being accused of it. So, whatever, I will just keep working on keeping my own side of the street clean and sharing with those who want to share. luv |
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 mischievi0us |
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Posts: 2 (04/14/08 12:50:37) |
When we are babies, we learn to walk, has anyone throught about what a effort it is for a child to learn to walk. it happens in stages, and the child can fall
100 times but everytime it stands up again and tries all over again. Thats instinct, walking is part of the survival instinct. It must be a pretty strong
instinct for a child to never give up.
Love is also an instinct. without love our species wouldnt be what it is. Not many species have the capacity to love the way our species does. its an instinct we are born with the almost guantees the survial of our species as we know it. Just like the child falling there is part of our brain, a part that we dont really control, that survival part that kicks in that makes us try and keep going. Loving and protecting our children is instinct to. Its primal, most species have it. A mother will put her life on the line for her child, its not something she thinks about, its something she is born with. It also protects the continuation of the species. It guarantees if needed the youngest and fittest will survive to reproduce. lets think back to that baby that is learning to walk, if everytime he fell we caught him, if everytime he stood up we restrained him that child wouldnt learn to walk. And if by some miracle it did, then he wouldnt know the pitfalls to watch out for to stop him falling in the future. How about we let the posters here discover their own pitfalls. Lets just give them a helping hand when they fall and help them back to their feet. Your way might have been the right way for you, but totally the wrong way for someone else Lets try to think back to the lessons we learned and how each lesson helped us to grow. If we hadnt experienced that pain or that heartbreak we wouldnt have taken what did from it and not repeat those mistakes in the future. Maybe they need to experience them, just like you did. |
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logolove |
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Posts: 156 (04/14/08 16:35:07) |
My two cents.
I have now been chastised by my free DV attorney, the police department, his brother, his friends, my friends, his attorney for allowing him to violate the restraining order and for me allowing him to maintain contact. I read this thread and I hate myself in some ways because I agree 100% that I have now abused a tool that is used to protect me and others. I am ashamed of my own weakness. I got a call from my attorney a few short hours ago - as you probably know from previous threads he is in a psych unit - after the 72 hour hold they put him on a 14 day and I believe he will be kept the entire 14 given his current state - but to add to the pain of the situation he gave me to his doctors as his point of contact - the person to whom they ask for his history etc... They asked me to cme visit as they thought it would be therapeutic so I did. He repeatedly called and asked for me to visit and complains when I don't and then he complained to his attorney that I am trying to get him to sign this "secret document" which is part of his paranoia and his attorney called my attorney to tell me to stop getting him to sign a non-existent document. How humiliating. Like a tomahawk my trying to help has come back and slit my own neck. I want to cry and laugh at the same time. I'm embarrassed at the ass kicking I've set myself up for from myself and others. |
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logolove |
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Posts: 157 (04/14/08 16:35:07) |
F'tard double post. Figures.
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