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For those of you who dont know me, I came in in 2004 shortly after the birth of my 5 th son. I was so insane from the years of putting dope in me that I didnt understand that when you hit your bottom if you are lucky enough to survive, you just might actually get what the word "recovery" means...not just getting sober. For me, I needed to understand "recovery", because I could sober up for a few days and weeks, but to live life without the dope was to unbearable, I had done so much wreckage and self- destruction and had a belief in my drugs that I didnt understand the lie that dope stood for.
I was on this site loaded..sober...insane and deeply messed up from the insanity of wanting to happy and not understanding that the happiness evolved around the life of recovery for me. It was until I gave freely my children to dope, my marriage, my mind and soul and ended up alone in a Phsych ward for 47 days unable to identify with the world outside of it, that a little hope inside sparked when I met a man with 21 years of sobriety in that phsyc ward that told me what AA/NA did for him. I listen and I believed him. There is truth to the words of the "big book" and the steps and traditions for me. It changed my thought process...and it wasnt instant. I fought to let go of my old thought patterns and will I believe for the rest of my life...that is ok for me today.

I believe in something greater then me...my label is god. What it is in my mind is not clear, but that is ok for me.
Do I struggle...deeply.
The guilt of my boys can consume me back into insanity if I would allow it and that is when I turn my shyt to my sponsor and a
god of my understanding.

MY world is full of battles as is everyone elses. I just choose to not use dope no more when it doesnt go my way.

loraura...i miss texas and my little angels there in Houston....I love you.

kelly grumpy bear ...my other hemetchick
to everyone else with the kind words of support....it truly does mean a lot to me to read it....because today I believe and appreciate it.

later...love debbie