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After you quit meth?

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luvepiphany

After you quit meth?

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Posts: 6778

(03/27/08 17:55:32)

Forum Star

How long was it until you could face your loved ones' pain and how did you get past the pain?

How long until you faced up to the hardest of pains you caused and how did you get through it?

How long until you could even speak with a significant other or parent or child that you knew was hurt terribly and how did you find the courage?

How did those people act towards you when you first communicated with them?

Do you wish you would have said or done things differently? How?

Do they wish they would have done things differently? Have they told you?

Did the pain of confronting those loved ones cause you to relapse or make you stronger in your fight for recovery.

Did you reunite with most or all of your loved ones after quitting meth? Did you stay in your marriage or with your significant other that was or wasn't a meth addict?

These are questions that are deeply inbedded in me.
I don't waste time wondering why the meth addict uses or why my personal relationship had to end because really, I pretty much know in my heart now and I understand.

It would just help me and maybe you too, to see a movie in my head of how lives work out after meth.
I already know quite a few people's basic stories here, but I continue in my recovery to find new ways to support meth addicts in recovery and not in active addiction. I don't want to enable or cause more pain. I want to do what's loving.

thanks all

luv

forget suzette

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Posts: 13592

(03/27/08 19:12:01)

Retro Space Cadet

How long was it until you could face your loved ones' pain and how did you get past the pain?

it took 2 months to get over my own pain.
.............maybe a year later when I had played all the tapes of the past.

How long until you faced up to the hardest of pains you caused and how did you get through it?

as soon as I could comprehend I did anything wrong.

How long until you could even speak with a significant other or parent or child that you knew was hurt terribly and how did you find the courage?

I lived with my mom.
........I had to face it.

How did those people act towards you when you first communicated with them?

my mom was very forgiving, but, I got the stink eye for.....
...well, I still get it.

my dad did'nt speak to me for 6 months.

Do you wish you would have said or done things differently? How?

I wish I did'nt lie to them...and I wish i coulda handled the speed.

Do they wish they would have done things differently? Have they told you?

No

Did the pain of confronting those loved ones cause you to relapse or make you stronger in your fight for recovery.

neither

Did you reunite with most or all of your loved ones after quitting meth? Did you stay in your marriage or with your significant other that was or wasn't a meth addict?

I split up with my ex, and have'nt heard from him since he left me in vegas.

Sfj

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Posts: 6345

(03/27/08 19:26:46)

-

After you quit meth?

This needs to be defined? Maybe?
The first time I quit? The last time I quit? The process of quitting?
Very few addicts just up and quit one day. Some do.
But most of us relapse and struggle with quitting for quite a while.

How long was it until you could face your loved ones' pain and how did you get past the pain?
I faced my loved ones all along.
I admitted my addiction.
I don't think we ever get past the pain.
We just get less and less of it as time goes on.

How long until you faced up to the hardest of pains you caused and how did you get through it?
I'm still doing it and have no doubt it will continue until I die.
Meth addiction is not a simple situation.

How long until you could even speak with a significant other or parent or child that you knew was hurt terribly and how did you find the courage?
I never stopped speaking to them.

How did those people act towards you when you first communicated with them?
Very angry, very hurt, very upset and disappointed.

Do you wish you would have said or done things differently?
Absolutely
How?
I'll spend the rest of my life trying to figure that one.

Do they wish they would have done things differently?
I'm not sure.
Have they told you?
No.

Did the pain of confronting those loved ones cause you to relapse or make you stronger in your fight for recovery.
Both.

Did you reunite with most or all of your loved ones after quitting meth?
Yes.
Did you stay in your marriage or with your significant other that was or wasn't a meth addict?
Yes.

lynne

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Posts: 196

(03/27/08 19:37:39)

may i cut to the chase? i don't know how long you guys were together or how old you are, you and your ex.

i am 45 and my ex meth friend is 56. he's been on the stuff for years. i had quite recovered from my time with him until he starts to
pop up in my life again. this time i am ok because i've got a real strong game going on and one he admires. we are on an equal footing right now. i am much less vulnerable.

i admit i've seen him several times now since we "split" though i swore him off. he still does meth. we visited some rocker pals of his who make $$$$$.

nice guys but all jacked up on meth. i had never been at a tweaker party. now i was and i saw for myself how it all is.

i was offered coke: no thanks. my friend was proud to tell me he had not done "amphetamines" for a week.

luv: at middle age and with no desire to stop, he never will, which sounds like your deal.

my advice would be to accept them exactly as they are right now and expect nothing different from the future.

my friend made a ton of money in a tough business. he is smart bright and talented. but he will never get off meth, silly me thinking that
the lead singer of three dog night would have an iota of influence. my friend knows those people; he is those people.

that said our hopes and dreams for a different life, for a renassaince for these men is, may i be frank, futile.

might as well love them as they are and deal with it if you insist on loving them.
none of this do i mean rudely.

i am still in love with this man but i have had to learn new ways
of coping with myself. it's no longer his problem; the problem now lies with me.

forget suzette

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Posts: 13593

(03/27/08 19:51:04)

Retro Space Cadet

luv: at middle age and with no desire to stop, he never will, which sounds like your deal.

co-signed^

forget suzette

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Posts: 13596

(03/27/08 20:03:09)

Retro Space Cadet

lynne wrote:
i am still in love with this man but i have had to learn new ways
of coping with myself. it's no longer his problem; the problem now lies with me.

wow I can quote!

...she's right.

luvepiphany

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Posts: 6779

(03/27/08 20:34:12)

Forum Star

Actually, I haven't been in contact with the meth addict x, wouldn't be except for his chickies evil voicemails and the fact that I have things that "used to be his" that are very Large and I'm still liquidating them slowly. I don't plan on having anything to do with him except to protect myself from he and his criminal meth friends.

I just don't have a picture in my head of how I want to act when he gets out of jail....you know, how to deal with him when he is fresh out and has been clean for 6 months. Well, I hope he's clean in jail, at least from meth.

I appreciate hearing the re-emergence into life without meth storie that people who have sought recovery have experienced.

I enjoy hearing what I believe to be the "happier stories" that I think people who are here and are in recovery have.

That does include the loved ones here as I do think that any support is better than none. I honestly don't have any personal friends locally that have a family member in recovery for meth addiction. I don't get to talk to many people face to face directly regarding meth addiction. And, for me, it is a very complicated thing, more complicated than other addictions.

I am in support programs and I work them and I get a lot out of them but the loved ones of meth addicts are not very numerous at meetings. I do believe there are a heckuva lot more loved ones of meth addicts here and at crystal recovery than any other place I know of. So, this is where I come to get reality. If kci were on tv, I'd watch.

I don't think for a second that I can have any of my life with the meth addict back and I don't any of it. It is a sad miserable place for me to be.

But, I can't move away yet...maybe not for some years. I had hoped to, but it won't happen. The meth addict will get out of jail in June. I know what my life is all about, but I haven't ever dealt with him while actually in recovery or even clean for that matter. He will contact me. The fact that he's sending people to threaten me and blame me for his jail visit just lets me know that I'm still on his mind. Probably, unfortunately, in a very angry way.

I'd love it if he would just let me rest and be in peace but it's not looking like that's going to happen. I don't want to contribute to his addiction. I have to learn the best way for me to do that without hurting myself.

It's kind of wierd to think that I was really his only person in his life at all that didn't use and wasn't part of the "gang".

I feel for him, coming out of jail with no one real friend. Meth made it easy for him to put that pain and loneliness out of his mind. I do wonder what he's going to do without meth. Will he just go back to it? Maybe. I have faith that he'll find his path one way or the other. Gotta have faith.

It just helps me a lot to hear other people's experiences.

I'd probably be much more settled in my heart if I knew that my friend-psuedo son was working on recovery but with no contact with him for my own safety, I don't know that he is.

Sometimes I do feel like I abandoned him. Then I remember that he left me and he robbed me and he cheated on me. And then I remember that he is/was a slave to meth and it's military might.

I do like thinking that perhaps he will reunite and reconcile with his family some how some way. Or maybe go to a treatment center and make a new recovery family. Or move away and get into Real Recovery and make new friends and learn to live without me or meth.

It's just a mixture of love for the man and compassion for the meth addict. I can live just fine without him and am, I just want to know that he can learn to do it without me or meth.

Thank you Suze, SFJ, and you too lynne.
It's good to see ya lynne and hear you are doing great. Watch out for those tweaker parties though....nuthin good about em.

luv

forget suzette

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Posts: 13599

(03/27/08 21:30:37)

Retro Space Cadet

the happy stories are good, because they are rare.

Eve au naturel

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Posts: 268

(03/28/08 04:56:45)

How long was it until you could face your loved ones' pain and how did you get past the pain?

I'm not sure. It helps that I've NEVER stolen from my family and I've tried my damndest not to lie, just say "Dad, you really don't want to know the answer to that."

How long until you faced up to the hardest of pains you caused and how did you get through it?

I'm still not over being unreachable when my father called and left a message for me to call him because my 1/2 brother had commited suicide. I'll never get over not being there to support my father at the funeral and to pay my respects to Mark's wife and girls.

How long until you could even speak with a significant other or parent or child that you knew was hurt terribly and how did you find the courage?

See, I tried to keep my drug life seperate from my family life. When I was forced out of the drug lifestyle, I returned to the home of my parents in the country. I faced my family about a week into my withdrawals, as soon as I was in any way capable of driving home.

How did those people act towards you when you first communicated with them?

Scared for me. For example, I'll never forget the look on my sister's face. She thought I was going to die. I don't think she has ever seen anyone so strung out. My parents took me in with arms wide open, and my father tried to get me to go to rehab~~saying there was no shame in it if I need to go to rehab. It was like the story of the Prodical Son in The Bible.

Do you wish you would have said or done things differently? How?

I wish I had gone to rehab. I wish I had kept in reasonable contact with my family so they'd know if they needed to file a missing person's on me since they had no way of knowing if I was dead or alive. I wish I would've faced the pain of "the great tragedy of my life" head-on instead of escaping via drugs; you see, I didn't even try drugs until I was 21.

Do they wish they would have done things differently? Have they told you?
My parents wish they had spent more time with me as a child, instead of having to work so much. My father wishes he had spanked me as a child.

Did the pain of confronting those loved ones cause you to relapse or make you stronger in your fight for recovery.

My recovery isn't very strong, esp. now that I'm in relapse mode regarding booze and pot.

Did you reunite with most or all of your loved ones after quitting meth? Did you stay in your marriage or with your significant other that was or wasn't a meth addict?

I left my second x fiance, but it was on again/ off again for a couple years.
I have major shame issues stemming from RIGHT BEFORE I even tried drugs. It's that more than my other life as a drug addict that keeps me from feeling good enough to communicate with some of my extended family.

nineyearsclean

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Posts: 7327

(03/28/08 05:30:49)

Best Friend to KCI

With all due respect, I was "middle age" when I quit, after 13 years of meth insanity.

Luv: my heart goes out to you, and all the loved ones.

Just as there are no two of us alike; just as we are each unique and one of a kind; though our stories may seem to be universal, they are, indeed, as individual as we are.

I gotta go to work. Have wonderful day.

love9

XOutlaw Woman

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Posts: 1768

(03/28/08 06:41:12)

Forum Friend

I divorced about a year into my five (or six) year meth binge. I never had children. The man I currently live with, and have a great relationship with, would not be more than "just friends" with me while I was out there using meth. So with all that said I guess the people I hurt the worse (besides myself) were my parents.

I never broke contact with them during those years. I would sometimes go a couple of weeks at a time in-between talking to them (which is not normal for me), but other than that I always tried to pretend that everything was just fine and dandy. I still visited their home, still did things with them, and put up a front of normalcy.

After I got clean I told them how sorry I was that I had worried them so. I have cried many tears of regret. There was nothing they could have done differently. It was my sole responsibility for the way I had been living my life. Now I just try to make the most of the time I have been given. I try to be the best daughter I can, and to spend as much quality time with them as possible. We just went on vacation together last week.. I live my life as someone I am proud of and someone they are proud of. I try not to look back as it hurts too much. I find that living in the now is much better for us all.

luvepiphany

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Posts: 6782

(03/28/08 08:10:32)

Forum Star

I live my life as someone I am proud of and someone they are proud of. I try not to look back as it hurts too much. I find that living in the now is much better for us all.

Now, see, that's a beautiful way to live. X, you have created a life beyond a meth addiction. That is hope for those still thinking they never can.

It's a happy recovery story.

luv

luvepiphany

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Posts: 6783

(03/28/08 08:12:42)

Forum Star

You all are alive, they are all happy recovery stories and beautiful. I see each life after meth as a miracle and seeing more miracles helps me keep moving forward.

The idea of admitting and accepting is firmly implanted in my head and my heart as a good and healing thing.

luv

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