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I just recently found out that my Husband is using meth. I was doing laundry and it was in his pocket. When I confronted him about it, he said that it is my
fault and that he has to use it because I demand so much from him. I don't demand anything from him. What is he talking about? He did get angry, should I
be concerned for the safety of me and the children? How do I stop him from using this stuff?
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Could it be my fault?
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 dumbwife |
Could it be my fault? |
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Posts: 1 (03/12/08 13:39:28) |
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Lisa |
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Posts: 2562 (03/12/08 13:50:24) Forum Friend |
No, it's NOT your fault. Period. You cannot stop him from using.
I just stopped in for a second - gotta run, but someone will be here shortly to explain. Just know it IS NOT your fault. |
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dumbwife |
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Posts: 2 (03/12/08 14:00:35) |
But if it is my fault should'nt I ask him to prove it? And if I have the power to make him start, then should'nt I have the power to make him stop?
I'm confused. How do you get someone to quit. Should I just tell him to leave if he won't? I feel so helpless.
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Metheart |
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Posts: 35 (03/12/08 14:14:05) |
1. No it is definitely not your fault. This is a common cop-out for user/addict to blame their problem on somone else.
2. You should always be concerned about the safety of your children. Him using an dangerous illegal drug introduces a whole new element of risks to you and your family. 3. You won't be able to stop him from using. He will need to want to do this on his own. Hopefully he has not been using very long. Generally the longer someone uses the more difficult it will be to stop using. Start paying very close attention to his habbits and behavior. Be prepared to be lied to about EVERYTHING. Please come back here and let us know how things progress. There is a great group of people here who are very insightful and knowledgeable about meth who are ready, willing, and able to help you in your struggle. You and your family will be in my prayers this evening... |
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LivesWithWolves1 |
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Posts: 1 (03/12/08 14:50:24) |
Welcome - my suggestions are:
Try to remain calm; don't confront him or argue. Most likely you will only hear lies. Develop a game plan. Read and educate yourself as much as you can about Meth and Meth addiction. (Are you positive it is Meth?). Watch him closely - see if there are signs. Do you have family or friends you could go to for help? Do you have your own source of income or savings? Some Meth addicts will steal from you and spend all money for bills on the drug. Protect your finances; build a savings for yourself. You could end up without necessities and perhaps homeless.
This is a very serious situation you are in. I believe you could very well be in danger, as well as your children. If Meth is found in your home by authorities, your children could very well be taken from you, regardless if you knew about it or not.
Some people become violent on Meth - I have personally experienced this from two people who were sweet and kind prior to Meth ingestion.
IF, (and only he knows the answer to this) he is partaking in extra-marital sex and is not protecting himself, or he is sharing needles - you could catch all kinds of nasty things.
I am not trying to scare you - but want you to truly understand just how serious this is. Your husband may only be using a little and not be strung out and do horrible things - or he may be. We tend to see things through our little rose colored glasses from our upbringing and our world.
Meth is an entirely different world and it ain't pretty. You need to take control of yourself and your life and protect yourself and your kids - NOW. I am truly sorry.
Kathy
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TenderheartsKS |
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Posts: 991 (03/12/08 15:17:10) Moderator |
God didn't die and leave us in charge. Therefore, we don't have that kind of power over people.
My favorite game when I was using was the blame game. It was my parents' fault. It was my husband's fault, yada yada yada. Addicts are nefarious for pointing the finger at others so they don't have to take a look at themselves 
Educate yourself on addiction, and get yourself some help. Addiction sucks the loved ones right down the drain too if loved ones don't find support for themselves 
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luvepiphany |
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Posts: 6594 (03/12/08 15:23:20) Forum Star |
Welcome, sorry you felt the need to find us...
I absolutely cosign everything liveswithwolves said above. To add to it, the three most important affirmations that helped me regain my sanity after faced with a partner with a meth addiction-from the Alanon & Naranon programs-programs for loved ones of addicts and alcoholics: I did not cause his addiction. I cannot control his addiction(or him at all) I cannot cure his addiction(or any of his problems-none of em) In the beginning of my nightmare, as I got crazier and my life became more unmanageable, I realized that I could, unfortunately, contribute to his addiction and my own insanity in many ways. I made my own recovery the most important study in my life for the last 2 years. The first year of discovery and nightmares was mostly a fruitless mix of sadness, fear, anger and chaos. I urge you to take meth addiction in your husband as a Major Life Concern and be proactive for You. It will likely be the hardest times you've ever imagined. I'm very thankful I've had to go through some of the misery, but wish that I'd learned about meth addiction sooner  , before so much time went by and so much loss.
welcome luv |
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mlg |
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Posts: 528 (03/13/08 07:10:05) |
I spent months anaylyzing every day, week, month, and year of my daughter's life when we found she was an addict/alcoholic.
She seemed like a "happy kid" untillllll she had her first beer at age 13. Even then we didn't know what was all of a sudden "wrong" with her for years, she hid her usage like a master magician. Anyway, to this day now, she is 29, in full recovery, and still tell us (her dad and I) that there was NOTHING we could have done to stop her from her driving force to use. She said if we would have come down harder than we already did, she would have run away. The chemicals were her driving force for 15 yrs. We didn't cause, can't cure, can't control. The 3 C's are huge to accept as loved ones. Please try and realize, his illness makes him point his finger anywhere else than himself for his choice to use. It's the same thing when you hear about Gov. Spitzer, when Dr. Laura tends to blame wives for their extramarital affairs. Spitzer had a choice to go out and @#$% someone else, OR, communicate to his wife his needs weren't being met/ maybe they could use some counseling, etc. No, he chose to go out and do things he was prosecuting others for doing, which is even more outrageous. INMO...I think it's a cop out for Dr. Laura to blame the wife for his sick choices. Even Dr. Drew said it's ridiculous to blame others for your bad choices. I'm glad our daughter has the maturity to own her own behaviors in her sobriety to realize that. mlg |
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LdyOfWzdm |
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Posts: 166 (03/13/08 07:39:30) |
NO....it's not your fault!
YES...you and your children could be in danger! You have nothing to prove to him, just to yourself. They only thing you have to prove is you can do what is best for YOU and your Children! Take care and use caution when dealing with someone high on meth! I'm sorry you and your children are now living in meth hell, but YOU (not him) have the POWER to escape! Keep On Truckin' Lady |
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keepitsimpleforme |
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Posts: 28 (03/13/08 11:27:32) |
Dr. Laura was on Sean Hannity yesterday. He was just falling all over himself praising her. I do not like her. She is so hateful to women who call and say
their husbands cheated. Don't you know her husband is SO HENPECKED???? lol
No, it's not your fault. He's just playing the blame game adn turning it back on you. They are masters at manipulation. |
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nineyearsclean |
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Posts: 7285 (03/13/08 14:30:35) Best Friend to KCI |
When I confronted him about it, he said that it is my fault and that he has to use it because I demand so
much from him. I don't demand anything from him. What is he talking about?
Meth addicts always blame everyone and everything else, but themselves. It's the blame game and it is typical, typical, typical. DO NOT buy into it. It is NOT your fault, PERIOD!! He did get angry, should I be concerned for the safety of me and the children? Yes, you should be concerned for the safety of all of you. Meth addicts can be very volatile and violent. It's not guaranteed, but it is NOT uncommon. How do I stop him from using this stuff? Bless your heart, you cannot. Learn all you can about this hideous and destructive thing called meth addiction. Knowledge is power. You are going to need all the strength you can muster. We'll be here for you. I'm so sorry this happened to your family. Never even think of entertaining the idea that it was in any way any thing you did. Okay? Welcome. |
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