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Its over - I am going to make it!

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racebannon		#21	[-]
Posts: 215 (07/02/09 15:04:39) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	YUP - strong and OK - ignoring her psychotic text messages..changing the phone when I get off work.....she is heading for psychosis. You wouldn't believe what she is accusing me of, so scary, so sad. But this last brick to my head is the end. She's history. I hope one day she can find herself but I think she is heading for big trouble, and I don't want to be in the picture to have to pik up any pieces.
jwl65	I think there right?	#22	[-]
Posts: 40 (07/02/09 15:18:17) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Hey bro, i know we already talk about this yesterday off post, but i did'nt think about the phone? i think there absolutely right! you need to change it. your vacation idea? sounds like a good one, cause like we discussed me and you both, will have a issue if are x's show at home? what will we do? my will be difficult because of my children. running there momma off in front of them will not be good. i would like to take a vacation myself, so bro, you are gonna have to be tough, if she come's back cryin? you know that? stick to your gun's and listen to the wise and experienced advice the good folk's on here have givin you. she probably will come back sometime, to see if you will give in again. and i know it will be hard as hell on you, be strong, hell change the lock's if you need to, don't answer the door, do whatever you need to do, not to fall back in trap. i am prayin for ya. you know where i am, if you need to talk, take care and may god be with ya.
Loraura		#23	[-]
Posts: 8970 (07/02/09 19:21:44) Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Off work yet? Got a new number yet? DON'T GIVE HER THE NEW NUMBER NO MATTER WHAT. Sometimes we forget that in an emergency, they should CALL 911 (we are not their paramedics, nor are we on-call!)
racebannon		#24	[-]
Posts: 216 (07/02/09 22:03:38) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	She's gone - all her stuff is out of my place. She cried uncontrollably, I tried to hold on. It all hurts so much I am so lost I loved her so much I hope the pain will turn to healing soon. I felt a stab in my stomach, and a rush of pain go through my veins. A year and a half of love, craziness, and mostly pain. Meth killed it all. I changed my number but I will have to move - she knows where I am. There is no other answer. Thank you all God Bless I am sure this is the end, i saw it in her eyes she knows it too - she screamed I will come for you when I fix myself - I know that will never happen - she has no will or ability to change I hate to say that but I know its truth - truth hurts, it hurts so much.
Evensteven3		#25	[-]
Posts: 84 (07/02/09 22:58:38) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	This is not love , or the loss of it your feeling Race. I don`t mean to sound judgemental here but the sooner you stop romanticizing this relationship and equating it with "love" , the sooner your be free of this one particular symptom [her] of your sickness. The "stab in your stomach" and the "rush through your veins" is the need of an addict and has nothing to do with real love any more then the relationship between a junkie and his/her fix. What would you do with yourself if all the drama , pain and hurt did disappear? What would you put in that void? Look at these things in yourself and face these realities or else you`ll just be right back opening the door again...
wonderwoman		#26	[-]
Posts: 2029 (07/03/09 08:54:19) Member Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Evensteven3 wrote: This is not love , or the loss of it your feeling Race. I agree that what you are feeling is not so much the loss of love as it is the grieving of the loss of your dream of what your relationship "could have" - "should have" been - and the only place that it ever existed fully realized is in your mind. Nonetheless - it is grief and it is a loss and for you to not feel deep pain - well that you do means you are a compassionate, kind person capable of real love. I don`t mean to sound judgemental here but the sooner you stop romanticizing this relationship and equating it with "love" , the sooner your be free of this one particular symptom [her] of your sickness. Race - kind of like for an addict - you have to "think the drink through" - so when I was in early recovery I was taught to think about the longer term consequences of drinking when the urge for the immediate relief a drink might provide me gripped me - so for example on a business trip I saw a dive bar I had driven past before and thought - no one at home will know if I go in there - that was followed by the thought - yes and they'd need to carry me out on a stretcher if I go in... and then my mind looking for relief saw a gas mart and I thought - (as I had been bumming a smoke here and there from friends at meetings but had never really started the habit officially) - oh I know - I'll buy a pack of cigarettes - and it was in that moment a light bulb clicked on for me as I saw how in my discomfort my mind was frantically searching for relief and grabbing onto things that would not bring me any true relief.... I am so grateful for the teachers around me - today in dealing with the loss of my ex-bf and being able to get back to sanity one of my greatest teachers has been Robby. If Robby can sit through the pain - then damn it so can I. Race so can you. Read books and blogs that will help you heal the broken spots inside and keep you safe from the things inside that allowed you to ignore the red flags she put up. Ck yr PM's friend.
lynne		#27	[-]
Posts: 270 (07/03/09 22:18:04) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	even steven is right on ... his answer is the answer to most pain of loved ones on this board, sadly
racebannon		#28	[-]
Posts: 217 (07/04/09 08:24:49) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Im strong today...she's not - she sent me a letter in the mail - holy crap, she is already thinking she wants me back and she made a mistake.....She says her life will be so hard - and yesterdaywas such a "long hard day" - yeah right a long hard day of her diggin in her bags looking for lighters and dope. Pathetic.
TheStranger	..	#29	[-]
Posts: 1 (07/04/09 09:19:12) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Ah %!%@ man -- i got a girl that I think is headed the same way, though not quite as far down the road as yours. Its definitely sad... Luckily, the habit left me with the emotional capacity of a stone so im not all broken up over it, but the girl and her parents are close family friends, which introduces a very unwelcome twist to the whole thing... Im Rich by the way, im probably gonna start posting here and introduce myself soon, etc. This thread just struck a chord with me -- LOL@that hour in the bathroom and coming out like she's gonna work the corner and thinking that is going to make her begging me for money any more successful... liked that one... Anyways, GL not gettin sucked back into her BS, and stay strong..
racebannon		#30	[-]
Posts: 218 (07/04/09 09:27:58) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Mine never begged for money - never - she bolted from the bathroom, and ran, as fast as she could carrying 2 suitcases.
TheStranger	...	#31	[-]
Posts: 2 (07/04/09 09:43:03) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Heh-- well, i shouldnt have exactly said "begging" per se -- more like throwing !%#+ and punching !%#+, and threatening to call my parents and/or the state bar and tell them im addicted to meth, threatening to have sex with a dealer, threatening to give me AIDS, etc. etc. -- but its all the same !%#+ anyways -- weakness masquerading as strength, desperation and insecurity trying to correct itself through anger, and self hate being displaced onto the world...we're all sisters and brothers under the skin... The one thing i hate most about addiction is how addicts can be totally unique, interesting, and awesome people underneath it all, but in addiction, theres not a dime's worth of difference between priest and a purse-snatcher ... being robbed of your individuality is really maddening..at least i was to me...
racebannon		#32	[-]
Posts: 219 (07/04/09 10:29:21) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Well said. I think it comes down to one word : MANIPULATION - they can't help it, the addict head takes over and its all over - literally - there is no reasoning or understanding when the addict is running the show.
Loraura		#33	[-]
Posts: 8973 (07/04/09 15:53:54) Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Suggestion: Don't read any more letters or notes from her. That's just like using for the addict. You get all worked up over it. Your adrenaline surges, your thoughts are distracted and focused on her, her issues, her problems, her actions. That's the drug you're addicted to. You gatta stop using. This means even when she's not there in person. You would agree that the right thing to do for a recovering drug addict would be to throw away, without using, any dope they found, right? Same thing. Throw it away without using it.
wonderwoman		#34	[-]
Posts: 2047 (07/04/09 22:32:51) Member Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	co-sign Lori 100% - Race - I spent yesterday with a gal from my Domestic Violence group and she has maintained no contact with her ex fo 7 weeks despite persistent calls from him - then last night at about 11PM she phoned me - he had called her several times during the evening and she finally could not resist and responded and it sent her into an emotional spin you would not believe - she was already a wreck but now it was 1000X worse - all the work she had done gone in a matter of minutes - he played with her mind and she was in agony - now if she gets back to the basics she'll snap back and maybe this little bout on the merry go round from hell is what she needed to remind her why he is toxic for her - and if so - if this is part of her process then good - but it would have been a heck of a lot easier on her if she could have bypassed this little off ramp of the highway to freedom from this particular relationship ... Same goes for you - facebook, notes, texts, voice mails - all that is bad news for you when trying to go No Contact. It feeds your thinking about her and the relationship and at some point you will begin to miss and romanticize it all and think "if only I had ...." and if you reach out you are detouring from the goal of freedom and mental health for you. Keep us updated on how you are doing - hope your fourth was a celebration of your freedom - Last Edited By: wonderwoman 07/05/09 08:32:56. Edited 1 times.
racebannon		#35	[-]
Posts: 220 (07/05/09 07:22:21) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I'm still strong, but its TOUGH. I am trying to keep busy and take my focus away from her. I have to admit I am thinking on it a lot and I'm having trouble sleeping. That girl got into my head and she doesn't want to let go. I haven't received any emails or messages from her for a couple days. Here is to another day of freedom.
TheStranger		#36	[-]
Posts: 12 (07/05/09 08:12:05) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	racebannon wrote: I'm still strong, but its TOUGH. I am trying to keep busy and take my focus away from her. I have to admit I am thinking on it a lot and I'm having trouble sleeping. That girl got into my head and she doesn't want to let go. I haven't received any emails or messages from her for a couple days. Here is to another day of freedom. Jeebus dude ... are you really that broken up over this?? You oughta be out celebrating, driving around huffing whip-its and exposing yourself to the local high-school cheerleading squad and whatnot, and being happy that your living room is now actually a living room and not a round-the-clock bull - %!*@ manufacturing plant ... Chin up dude-- pop a couple viagras and find your local massage parlor ... your a free man now. I demand that you enjoy it!

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Its over - I am going to make it!

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