A mother's hurt and pain!

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LdyOfWzdm	A mother's hurt and pain!	Lead	[-]
Posts: 859 (01/02/08 12:18:35) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I'm so freaking tired of this pain. I'm so pissed, hurt, confused, disappointed, and down right angry at my daughter. She's off doing her "thing" (she's a meth addict). She left around the 20th of December and hasn't been heard of since the 23rd (2 days before Christmas). She has left behind a 8 month old little baby girl, who is the apple of my eye. I'm so angry that I'm going to have to mother my granddaughter...I so wanted to be her Nanny. My heart aches for the pain I know that my daughter will inflict upon her daughter, in the years to come (even if she's not around). I'm so pissed about what I know I face in my responsibilities to protect my granddaughter from my daughters addiction. I'm pissed about my dh having to put up with this dysfunctional crap! I HATE this addiction. I HATE what it is doing to me, and my family and other innocent people. I HATE cookers, dealers, users, and anyone who protects these destroyers of life. I just HATE all this PAIN and HURT! I HATE all the tears! WHY? Why do they do it to themselves and to us? Why do we allow them too? Sometimes love really does stink! Just letting off some steam!
Sfj	Re: A mother's hurt and pain!	#1	[-]
Posts: 6600 (01/02/08 12:21:54) - Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Why ? The answer is because of mental illness, maladaptive behavior, and the disease of addiction.
Loraura	Re: A mother's hurt and pain!	#2	[-]
Posts: 7531 (01/02/08 12:30:34) Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	*Quote:* I HATE cookers, dealers, users, and anyone who protects these destroyers of life. I can understanding hating the behavior of those who currently cook, deal, or use. Some of those people WILL change in time. There is hope. Hate the behavior, not the person.
luvepiphany	Re: A mother's hurt and pain!	#3	[-]
Posts: 7623 (01/02/08 12:53:03) Forum Star Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I understand. Get it out! Hallelujah!!!!!! Nothing worse in the world than pent up hate, anger, rage and defeat $:\$ Now, you can begin to recover. You didn't cause your daughter's addiction(or anything that goes along with it like leaving her own daughter), You can't change your daugther-nope, you can't, and You can't cure your daughter. but, YOU can CHANGE YOU and getting the pain and anger out from inside...that is a huge start. Have you any support groups? Like Naranon, Alanon, Celebrate Recovery at a church or a counselor? This is a wonderful place to start your recovery from meth addiction in your family. keep sharing and learning, people here will support you, luv
gigi177	Re: A mother's hurt and pain!	#4	[-]
Posts: 136 (01/02/08 12:56:26) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I can certainly sympathize with you. I, too, have a daughter who is addicted to meth and cocaine. My prayer is that she WON'T show up on my doorstep with a baby to leave for me to raise. So... I know your anger and despair because I am mad and so disappointed with my daughter. The one thing she could do to me is to bring me a baby. As far as I know she isn't pregnant but she could easily become preggers.
LdyOfWzdm	Re: A mother's hurt and pain!	#5	[-]
Posts: 859 (01/02/08 13:02:14) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Thank you so much for your support. You got it! I'm getting there, and that post was my first step to letting go of meth addiction. I have a long way to go, and must be on my way. The pain is just almost unbearable at this point. I've cried for days and I'm really sick of that. With the holidays and most things shut down to a crawl, I've been limited to the help that I could find. Today I've: posted my pain on here found a support group in a near by town (first meeting is next Tuesday) made an appointment with legal aid to help with what is to become of my granddaughter I'm exhausted and need to put my little angel down for a nap. Thanks again for your understanding and support.
LdyOfWzdm	Re: A mother's hurt and pain!	#6	[-]
Posts: 859 (01/02/08 13:08:10) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I'm sorry for you pain. It's very difficult. I've lost two grandsons to the State because of her meth addiction. I've lost one little baby to birth defects caused by her meth addiction (presumed), and now I have my little angel to raise. My worst fear now is that my daughter will show up dead somewhere. OD'd in a sleazy motel, throat slit in a ditch somewhere, I could go on, and I'm sure you can relate. My prayers for you and your family, and of course for your little lost girl. May she someday, someway, find her way home again.
LdyOfWzdm	Re: A mother's hurt and pain!	#7	[-]
Posts: 859 (01/02/08 13:09:18) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Today I'll hate the person(s).....down the road of my own recovery I can hope and pray that I will learn not to hate but to understand.
kell	Re: A mother's hurt and pain!	#8	[-]
Posts: 2756 (01/02/08 13:26:39) Forum Friend Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	*Quote:* I HATE cookers, dealers, users, and anyone who protects these destroyers of life. Your daughter is a user and surely you don't HATE her. I'm sure you are just angry right now and you have every right to be. Your daughter is sick..you would have to be to just up and leave your child. Addiction sucks but there is hope. The baby is lucky is have you and will one day be so grateful for the sacrifices you made. Many children are not that fortunate.
LdyOfWzdm	Re: A mother's hurt and pain!	#9	[-]
Posts: 859 (01/02/08 13:44:01) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Perhaps I don't HATE her...but you don't know how hard I have try not to love her at times. I know that addiction is an illness, and that there is hope (relatively speaking). Otherwise, I don't believe I would be here today. Thank you for the kind words. You are so right about other children not having anyone there for them. It's just all so sad. What's really sad is she's only 24. This is her 4th child, and more than likley not the last. Thank you for your response.
no more mething around	Re: A mother's hurt and pain!	#10	[-]
Posts: 1442 (01/02/08 15:48:09) Forum Friend Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	It hurts very much to watch .... and now you have a dependant you didn't plan on as well as the loss of other children. You are grieving the situation you realize you will never have...a healthy child mothering your grandchildren....and spoiling them rotten cuz you get to send them home. Get all that anger out - and then work your plan. My son is out there as well - and it hurts and it is frightening. I can't take his journey for him - and I guess I will be thankful all he left behind that needs to eat and be nurtured is his guinia pig Brownie. $:\$ (((HUGS))) from one mom to another Just don't let her make you as sick emotionally as she is. Take care of yourself first and foremost - like the oxygen mask on the plane - you first, kids second. She's on her own - she already jumped without her parachute.
motherglory	Re: A mother's hurt and pain!	#11	[-]
Posts: 362 (01/02/08 15:55:08) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Dear my addict is son but I still ended up raising his child. Whom I now call my blessing. He is just 11 but the most precious thing in my life. We mothers have to heal to. Mine is in rehab and still playing with me but his counsleors assure me , he is doing great. I wish I could tell you the pain was over, but it does get better. You need to express your anger. I know you love her. You just hate the crap mess she has made of her life. And what she has done to you and her children. I hate meth to. But I love the Lord Jesus Christ and he is with us all. Do something about getting custidy of the baby so she cant just pick her back up years from now. And take care of yourself. Life does go on and another day will dawn. I have a special love for parents of addicts because I lived with it so long. my son is 30 years old. I asked myself all the same questions. what did I do? What didn't I do? I blamed myself for years. But we are creatures of free will and she makes her own decisions, like my son did. I was a great enabler for 15 yrs. I quit last summer and he fianly went to rehab. God bless you gloria
LdyOfWzdm	Re: A mother's hurt and pain!	#12	[-]
Posts: 859 (01/02/08 16:20:06) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Thanks for the hugs, they always feel good (mentally). Working my plan is so scary for me at this point. I know when my daughter returns (and she will), acting as if nothing has happened, wanting me to bring her daughter home the crap will hit the fan. My husband and I went Sunday and removed all the belongs of my granddaughter's from her mother's home. I had purchased it all, and was concerned that her "friends" would sell it all off for drugs while she was gone. The trailer that she lives in doesn't even lock (unless you use the deadbolt while inside). I left a few items that I will be picking up later this week. All this is the easy part. It's facing the anger and hurtful words my daughter will sling at me when she finds that she is just not "waltzing" back into our lives as if nothing is going on. I know she will say I planned this from the beginning to take a daughter away from her. I'll be a baby steeling witch for sure. If I wanted her child I would have taken the two boys when she lost custody of them. ((((((((((((HUGS BACKATCHA)))))))))))))) from one mother to another
gigi177	Re: A mother's hurt and pain!	#13	[-]
Posts: 136 (01/02/08 17:02:48) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Just take care of that poor little girl of hers for her. Your first responsibility is to yourself and your dh. Be angry at the situation not your daughter. She is caught up in an addiction she is not ready to recover from. She is not the daughter you raised and you are not to blame for her addiction. she made her choices. Not what you wanted for her but...there is nothing for you to do but HOPE and PRAY that she will recover and that nothing bad will happen to her. My daughter is only 20 and I've not had contact with her since August. The last email I got from her telling me she never wanted to see me or her dad, speak to us, or have anything to do with us because we stopped enabling her. We thought we were helping her go to college. Silly us! So...I hope and I pray that she reaches her rock bottom before anything more terrible happens to her and...she is 2,000 miles away from us so I can't 'check' on her. My prayers are with you! Stephanie
JamieJ1979	Re: A mother's hurt and pain!	#14	[-]
Posts: 991 (01/02/08 18:05:38) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	What's sad is the innocent lives her addiction has affected. She lost two to the state already and had another child after that??? There is a agency that pays addicts to get long term birth control like tubal ligation and IUD. I've been clean since July 06 but after I had my son in 11/06 I got decided to get a 10 yr IUD to prevent anymore pregnancies since I only want one child and because I was getting paid to get the birth control to boot. If you get tubal ligation you get $300 at once, if you get IUD you get $75 when you first get the IUD and then $75 after 6 months and then you get the remaining $150 when it's been one year. She can call 1-888-CRACK. Not it's not just for crackheads, that's just a easy way to remember the number. You call and they will send you paperwork you take to your doctor and have them fill it out when the birth control is given. I had to enclose a letter from my treatment center to state I was a addict in recovery because I've never been arrested for drug stuff or crimes to support drugs. She can find out what she needs to send to prove she's addicted since she's not in treatment. I'm in outpatient, have been since Feb 06. Good job on getting things done regarding custody of your daughters little girl and getting some support for yourself. THat's wonderful. You're doing the right thing. Hang in there. If she's willing to get birth control that would be wonderful because continueing to have babies while in no position to care for them is just wrong and you don't need to end being a mother to yet another child. Take care. Jamie
LdyOfWzdm	Re: A mother's hurt and pain!	#15	[-]
Posts: 859 (01/02/08 18:21:37) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I'm so sorry for you pain too. My daughter has been in and out of rehab (inpatient and out patient), jail, prison, and wondered around like a nomad for years. She would farm her children out to who ever would take them until she was ready to "play" mom again. Finally, she was busted with the boy's father and they were put into protected custody. I hope and pray not only for my own daughter, but for every one's sons and daughters that someway, somehow, someday, they come home...and out of that gutter of addiction. I have a son who is also caught up in the world of meth addiction who's gf is with child. It just never seems to end. My prayers are with you and yours too.
LdyOfWzdm	Re: A mother's hurt and pain!	#16	[-]
Posts: 859 (01/02/08 18:28:58) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I'm happy that you son has gone to rehab and pray that it works for him. My daughter has been through rehab over and over. Although never by her own choice. It's always been when I took her the first time as a teen and had her placed inpatient, and the all the other times were court ordered. Thanks you for your thougths and prayers. May God be with you and yours.
LdyOfWzdm	Re: A mother's hurt and pain!	#17	[-]
Posts: 859 (01/02/08 19:52:27) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Jamie, Congrats on your recovery and sobriety, I wish you continued success. You wrote: continuing to have babies while in no position to care for them is just wrong Of course it is, and continuing to destory your life and others with meth is just WRONG too. Regardless, if your having children or not. My daughter has had 4 children. Two boys lost to the state, one girl who died just hours after delivery, and my little angel. Our State pays for birth control, and she could do the same thing that you have done. Then how would she get her food stamps, and state support if she's not pregnant or have a child? My daughter's first daughter died hours after birth in June of 2006, and she had my little Angel in April of 2007. If you do the math you will realize that she was pregnant with this girl just a few short weeks after she lost that first girl. She was the same with her two boys one right after another. The only reason she hasn't had more children is that she has been locked away in rehab, jail and even prison for extended period of time. My daughter has been convicted of possession, manufacturing, distribution, and a slew of other counts to numerous to list. You are fortunate that you have made this important decision to stop using before you were arrested for related crimes or had a child. Please hang in there....don't lose this battle, it's to important for your future. Thank you so much for you input.
LivesWithWolves	Re: A mother's hurt and pain!	#18	[-]
Posts: 1032 (01/02/08 21:53:32) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I feel you. I am sorry you are going thru all this but, there must be a reason we need to learn. I too, was right with you, being so pissed and intolerable of anything that had to do with CAUSING my sons Meth addiction. IT WAS ALL THEM not my precious baby, that had anything to do with all this mess. I was on a mission to get them out of my life, and I was a total Bytch in doing so and I didnt care. Luckily, I didnt get hurt in the process. I hated them all . Until I learned a bit more. My sons mom was an addict and lost all her kids (5 of them). She didnt want to loose her kids. She didnt mean to hurt them physically and mentally because she HAD TO use drugs. She could not behave differently. I am sure she tried in her own way. She did die in her late 20s due to her addictions. I learned that she knew no other way. She did not have the knowledge. She was not a bad person. I am sure she loved her children the best she could. You are here for a reason you need to heal and you need to share. You have found the right place. Please stick around and post. It will help you and it will help others. BTW my son, who is 21 years old now, has been recovered from Meth for over 2 years now (6 year battle). We did think we would lose him but hope, and faith and his strength pulled him through. He is a wonderful young man. Keep the faith. Keep posting. Kathy
LdyOfWzdm	Re: A mother's hurt and pain!	#19	[-]
Posts: 859 (01/02/08 23:09:20) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Thank you for your post. My brain hurts almost as much as my heart today. I've thought and thought until I don't think I can think again. My mind has nothing but my daughter and what I need to do for my granddaughter going through it. Between all this thinking, I'm trying to be the best Nanny to my little angel I can be. She's only eight months old, and she's been with me since birth. However, I know she misses her mother. She was spending at least one night a week with her mother...and that's not happening even if her mother returns. I can't allow it. I made an appointment to go to legal aid but that's not until the 8th. I've not wanted to bring Child Protective Service (CPS) into this situation, but I'm not seeing any choice. I'm so afraid that my daughter will show up any day now, and demand her daughter back. And legally she can. Of course she'll have to do it legally because I won't just hand her over. I know once I involve CPS my daughter will turn on me like a lion. She may not know how to mother a child...but I know she loves all her children. Thank you for your encouragement and support.
formygirls2	Re: A mother's hurt and pain!	#20	[-]
Posts: 50 (01/02/08 23:11:06) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Lady, I am also a mother with a daughter on meth and I feel so badly for all of us moms out there going through these ordeals, struggles and constant living in fear. It's the UNKNOWNS that I am dealing with right now. We recently just found out our 32 yr old was doing meth and so we went flying off to Tn from CA to do an intervention. We were so stupid. We just expected she would accept treatment get on the plane and that would be that. I don't have to tell you it didn't go down that way and so we are back home and in the dark as to most everything now. She was arrested for paraphenalia and driving on an expired license. She spent a few days in jail and I don't know much more than that. She also has 2 precious daughters and THEY are the real victims in all this. It is what this is doing to the children that gets my anger going. Luckily we took her oldest away while we were there and had her flown to her dad where it is safe and normal. The other daughter is spending most of her time with her other grandmother as daddy sometimes does meth with Mommy. He lies to us so much about so many things I don't know what to believe. I just wanted you to know there's another Mom in the same boat with you and here to support you as best I can. Take Care. HUGS

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