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He should be paying child support, period. I'm serious. I wouldn't let him off the hook. It doesn't matter if you can support your children on your own. Part of recovery is learning to be responsiable and taking care of our obligations. By letting him get away with not paying child support he is not learning to take care of business. He is learning that he doesn't have to worry about the kids care because you have it handled so that let's him off the hook-WRONG. Even if you don't need the money go for it. Save it for your kids when they need it for college, braces, etc. He is their father and therefore he should contribute to their care. I wish my ex had a job because I would go after him for support. He has never worked in all the years I've known him, hello red flag a waving but I was stupid, so I don't expect him to get off dope and start being a functioning member of the workforce any time soon.

Trust your gut on this one--if he is up to his old behavior I would cut off the visitation. It really doesn't matter who he had in his place or not. What matters is if he's on drugs because you must look out for the welfare of your children. Having them around a actively using meth addict--horriable idea. It hurts when they move on even though we don't want them back. I guess it makes it more final. I guess we get upset because they wouldn't do what it would've taken to make the relationship work, counseling and treatment and 12 step groups, so instead of working on making the relationship work between us they go and shack up with someone that will take them as they are. That is until the they show their true colors and their real self, then if I new women is smart she'll run for the hills. I would demand a clean ua before allowing him to stop by and visit the children. Seriously. He needs to start being held accountable such as you must pee clean to see the kids and you must pay for their support. I wouldn't let him drop by whenever anymore because you won't be able to move on if you have things so casual between you too. The time for setting healthy boundaries is now. Set up times that are okay for visitation and then move on. If you keep things like they are with him not paying child support and him dropping by when he feels like it you will not be able to move on. You will stay stuck and totally involved in his chaos.

We all need to have healthy boundaries with people. I have noticed that many of us that end up in toxic relationships don't have good boundary setting skills. I think that is because many of us have grown up in disfunctional homes ourselves and we were never taught healthy boundaries. Addicts are drawn to caretaking types and caretaking types are drawn to people with issues so they can feel needed when the person with issues needs them to "help" them aka enable or rescue them. It's all based upon confusing pity for love and need for love. Anywas back to the child support, by not making him pay child support you are taking on his duty plus yours since after you both should be contributing to the support of the children. So by not making him you are picking up the pieces and doing his duty for him. This is not healthy and will only cause resentment on your part and continued irresponsiablity on his. I encourage your to attend Alanon or Naranon meetings or even CODA meetings. They will help you move on and really recover from this tragic event in more ways then one. Working the 12 steps of any of these programs can be life changing. Do it for you, you are worth it.
Jamie