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Just a few days and I feel so different. Although still scared to death I will change my mind at any second.
It is still constant in my head the talking to myself why this is what i have to do.
I feel good though, as long as i keep talking.
Question: does the intense fear stay with you always or how long until it subsides.
LOL it seems funny but it is true, the fear I mean.
Can anyone understand what I am saying??
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just a few days
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 nomorefairies |
just a few days |
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Posts: 8 (04/12/08 15:15:52) |
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missybuns |
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Posts: 542 (04/12/08 21:36:07) |
Yes I understand.
My recovery has me taking an honest look at my self. In the discovery for who I am and what I am really feeling, I take a look at what Im afraid of. Fear is a built in thing that can help me in many ways. It also helps connect me with others. When I feel fear....I tell someone who understands recovery from addiction. I share my fears. Others in recovery have offered to hold my hand and walk through my fears with me. Very cool. Today I can have all kinds of fears and not pick up dope to cover, avoid or deny it. Not knowing what to do with the fear became knowing as I opened my mind and became willing to change. How long it took I suppose had to do with my level of diligence towards my recovery. Grateful, Missybuns
Last Edited By: missybuns
04/12/08 21:50:01.
Edited 4 times.
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 debs4321 |
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Posts: 566 (04/13/08 06:58:31) |
Question: does the intense fear stay with you always or how long until it subsides.Yes, I do understand. Fear is what my life flourished off of for many many years. I used dope to mask that fear. Dope made me feel invinsible, strong, fearless.............as they say. But, they were only false feelings. Masked by drugs. When I took the drugs away, I was left with a scared little girl. One who knew nothing about how to cope with life. I was scared to keep using dope. I was scared to quit using dope. It didnt matter. I have 15 months sober and I still have fear in my life. No longer is it about dope. It is a different kind of fear. Fear of acceptance, rejection, self-centered fear. Mostly all about the self. My sponsor tells me.........."Fear" is only "me........projecting the future, by living in the past". If that makes sense to you LOL. "Fear of the unknown" Being scared of "what could happen". When we really dont know what "could" happen. It is only a projection of the future. I dont know if I am making sense to you. this is only what i have learned from my own experiences. Today I walk through my fears. I have a new sense of "self-love", by not giving into the fears and letting them run my life. I can say this............... Have faith, that no matter what "you will be OK" "You are OK." "You dont have to use dope" Oh yeah my Sponsor also tells me this ................."You must walk through the 'fear' to get to the peace" The fear will only get easier to walk through the more you grow. Just be brave and you will see. Love, Deb |
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FSOAB |
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Posts: 1374 (04/13/08 07:04:58) Forum Friend |
Hello I was hoping more people would respond. I read you last night and didn't really know what to say about the fear.. Using fear I mean. Is that what you
meant?
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Loraura |
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Posts: 6521 (04/13/08 07:20:36) Moderator |
There is actually a physiological reason for the fear in early recovery. Meth use causes a chemical imbalance to develop in the brain. It gets better with
clean time.
If you'd like to read more about what's going on with your brain in early recovery, try this: http://www.kci.org/meth_info/lori/Dopamine_Methamphetamines_and_You.htm
Last Edited By: Loraura
04/13/08 10:53:39.
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danimal55 |
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Posts: 7027 (04/13/08 07:30:42) Forum Star |
Never fear the shadows. They simply mean that
there's a light somewhere nearby.
-Ruth E. Renkai
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smilewasmask |
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Posts: 2005 (04/13/08 07:39:15) Forum Friend |
......*It is still constant in my head the talking to myself why this is what i have to do.*
Keep up that conversation!! This is a worthy conversation to be having.....much better than those of the past ..... .......*Conversations* like................. *'K, i will just do one more tiny hit then i will bury the rest of it in the woods and come back for it only after next tuesday if i get the whole house clean and if i don't get the whole house clean then i was meant to quit and it will be my way of knowing but if i get the house clean and i did not go in the woods to get the rest then it will mean that i don't have a problem at all and then i can do the whole rest of it except if it is a full moon then i will do half on wednesday and i will save a third of it for the morning after the full moon cuz i will need to weed the garden but what if i clean the whole house and weed the garden then it looks like i will have to do it all before morning cuz i really think that i should quit.*................. ....well, you get my drift? Just keep reminding yourself of the horror that was REAL. And the conversations in your head that were UNREAL. Sincerely, Roxi |
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logolove |
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Posts: 152 (04/13/08 08:02:28) |
Fear is the worst feeling and the emotion that leads to our automatic defense/safety practices that quite often are self damaging.
Faith can replace your fear. Faith in yourself, faith in your support system and faith in a higher power or God of your choosing. Any and all of those things are a better choice and will help you get past day 8 to day 9 and so on and YOU WILL grow stronger and healthier and eventually less afraid each day. You are doing great - that you posted your feelings is a great step - reaching out is the way people know to help you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers today. Sending you good vibes and white healing light. Hope to see lots more of you here! |
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FSOAB |
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Posts: 1375 (04/13/08 08:03:26) Forum Friend |
Never fear the shadows. They simply mean that there's a light somewhere nearby.
Dan,  I went really close to the screen to read you! *eyes crossed* My
shadow is really vivid today! Its allllll sunny. For now anyway, I hope the sun stays, I think it has something to do with my moods. 
I feel like a gosh darn bear that has hibernated one to many seasons... Iowa has been terribly cold and snowy this year. The girls were suppose to play softball yesterday and it snowed... In a few days its suppose to be in the sixties or seventies. Crazy I tell ya. The sun put a smile on my face today. 
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