Yuku free message boards

Great post, Ann.

I want to add that, in my active addiction, I was devious. The people who loved and tried to help me often got used by me. I'm not sure that my In-laws especially were willing to admit to themselves that what we were REALLY doing was using, but whenever we asked to be bailed out of whatever financial mess we got ourselves into (No electricity, no phone, can't make the rent again, etc,) they did, and we knew they would.

When the power bill was $200, we'd tell em it was $300 - we could pay the bill AND get some dope. When they'd question us about how we could possibly be in this situation AGAIN, we would treat them like it was none of their damn business - we expected them to give us the money, of course, and we truly WERE irritated that they would have the audacity to "Butt in" to our lives like that.

It was obvious Paul drank too much, which made it really easy for me to blame everything on him - and I did. His poor mother would talk about doing an "Intervention" a lot, and I would always object - that would threaten MY drug use, of course - if he got into treatment, he might stop using meth, and then I would have to do the same.

The people who loved me - those who knew I was using meth, and those who didn't - got used by me.

The woman who bailed me out of jail when I got arrested on felony possession charges - the friend who put her house up as collateral for me - I never paid her back until AFTER I got into recovery. I made lots of promises from inside that phone cell in the county lock up, but once I was out, I never had a dime to give her - I didn't even have a job. I did show up for all my court dates - she drove me to every one of them. Had she not done that, who knows. I didn't have a legal vehicle, and I had a tendency to "Fail to Appear" for everything else in the past...

People at work gave me money for Christmas one year. I was crying about it - I was broke, and they gave me a gift certificate for food, and one for WalMart. No Cash. They knew - they did it for my kids.

I even used the people I used with.

I have made amends to these people - not so much to the folks I used with - I don't see them now and I am not sure how I can make amends in that case. My mother in Law has a cell phone that she will never have to pay for, my friend who put up her house has been paid back, and I gave her a television when hers broke. I "paid it forward" when a friend of mine had nothing for her children on Christmas - because that is what my coworkers asked of me when they helped me out that year.

But you are right - the bottom line is that there was nothing they could do that would have made me stop using - nothing.

The only people who were wise enough and who never did enable me were my own parents - and we never bothered to ask them for a thing. We couldn't use them, so we never tried.

Now that we are clean, my parents have become such a huge part of our lives. Paul's parent's have forgiven us for what we have admitted to doing - using them - and sometimes I have to remind my Mother in Law that she got taken advantage of (When she calls herself "The Enabler.")

Addicts recover when addicts decide they have had enough and decide they want to change. My loved ones didn't cause my addiction either, they couldn't change it, and if the offer was there, we took advantage of them.

Another great post by the X Outlaw Woman!!

Great post, Ann.

I want to add that, in my active addiction, I was devious. The people who loved and tried to help me often got used by me. I'm not sure that my In-laws especially were willing to admit to themselves that what we were REALLY doing was using, but whenever we asked to be bailed out of whatever financial mess we got ourselves into (No electricity, no phone, can't make the rent again, etc,) they did, and we knew they would.

When the power bill was $200, we'd tell em it was $300 - we could pay the bill AND get some dope. When they'd question us about how we could possibly be in this situation AGAIN, we would treat them like it was none of their damn business - we expected them to give us the money, of course, and we truly WERE irritated that they would have the audacity to "Butt in" to our lives like that.

It was obvious Paul drank too much, which made it really easy for me to blame everything on him - and I did. His poor mother would talk about doing an "Intervention" a lot, and I would always object - that would threaten MY drug use, of course - if he got into treatment, he might stop using meth, and then I would have to do the same.

The people who loved me - those who knew I was using meth, and those who didn't - got used by me.

The woman who bailed me out of jail when I got arrested on felony possession charges - the friend who put her house up as collateral for me - I never paid her back until AFTER I got into recovery. I made lots of promises from inside that phone cell in the county lock up, but once I was out, I never had a dime to give her - I didn't even have a job. I did show up for all my court dates - she drove me to every one of them. Had she not done that, who knows. I didn't have a legal vehicle, and I had a tendency to "Fail to Appear" for everything else in the past...

People at work gave me money for Christmas one year. I was crying about it - I was broke, and they gave me a gift certificate for food, and one for WalMart. No Cash. They knew - they did it for my kids.

I even used the people I used with.

I have made amends to these people - not so much to the folks I used with - I don't see them now and I am not sure how I can make amends in that case. My mother in Law has a cell phone that she will never have to pay for, my friend who put up her house has been paid back, and I gave her a television when hers broke. I "paid it forward" when a friend of mine had nothing for her children on Christmas - because that is what my coworkers asked of me when they helped me out that year.

But you are right - the bottom line is that there was nothing they could do that would have made me stop using - nothing.

The only people who were wise enough and who never did enable me were my own parents - and we never bothered to ask them for a thing. We couldn't use them, so we never tried.

Now that we are clean, my parents have become such a huge part of our lives. Paul's parent's have forgiven us for what we have admitted to doing - using them - and sometimes I have to remind my Mother in Law that she got taken advantage of (When she calls herself "The Enabler.")

Addicts recover when addicts decide they have had enough and decide they want to change. My loved ones didn't cause my addiction either, they couldn't change it, and if the offer was there, we took advantage of them.

Another great post by the X Outlaw Woman!!

Great post, Ann.

I want to add that, in my active addiction, I was devious. The people who loved and tried to help me often got used by me. I'm not sure that my In-laws especially were willing to admit to themselves that what we were REALLY doing was using, but whenever we asked to be bailed out of whatever financial mess we got ourselves into (No electricity, no phone, can't make the rent again, etc,) they did, and we knew they would.

When the power bill was $200, we'd tell em it was $300 - we could pay the bill AND get some dope. When they'd question us about how we could possibly be in this situation AGAIN, we would treat them like it was none of their damn business - we expected them to give us the money, of course, and we truly WERE irritated that they would have the audacity to "Butt in" to our lives like that.

It was obvious Paul drank too much, which made it really easy for me to blame everything on him - and I did. His poor mother would talk about doing an "Intervention" a lot, and I would always object - that would threaten MY drug use, of course - if he got into treatment, he might stop using meth, and then I would have to do the same.

The people who loved me - those who knew I was using meth, and those who didn't - got used by me.

The woman who bailed me out of jail when I got arrested on felony possession charges - the friend who put her house up as collateral for me - I never paid her back until AFTER I got into recovery. I made lots of promises from inside that phone cell in the county lock up, but once I was out, I never had a dime to give her - I didn't even have a job. I did show up for all my court dates - she drove me to every one of them. Had she not done that, who knows. I didn't have a legal vehicle, and I had a tendency to "Fail to Appear" for everything else in the past...

People at work gave me money for Christmas one year. I was crying about it - I was broke, and they gave me a gift certificate for food, and one for WalMart. No Cash. They knew - they did it for my kids.

I even used the people I used with.

I have made amends to these people - not so much to the folks I used with - I don't see them now and I am not sure how I can make amends in that case. My mother in Law has a cell phone that she will never have to pay for, my friend who put up her house has been paid back, and I gave her a television when hers broke. I "paid it forward" when a friend of mine had nothing for her children on Christmas - because that is what my coworkers asked of me when they helped me out that year.

But you are right - the bottom line is that there was nothing they could do that would have made me stop using - nothing.

The only people who were wise enough and who never did enable me were my own parents - and we never bothered to ask them for a thing. We couldn't use them, so we never tried.

Now that we are clean, my parents have become such a huge part of our lives. Paul's parent's have forgiven us for what we have admitted to doing - using them - and sometimes I have to remind my Mother in Law that she got taken advantage of (When she calls herself "The Enabler.")

Addicts recover when addicts decide they have had enough and decide they want to change. My loved ones didn't cause my addiction either, they couldn't change it, and if the offer was there, we took advantage of them.

Another great post by the X Outlaw Woman!!